Eliza and Her Monsters(69)
At lunch in the courtyard, Wallace hands his conversation paper to me over his loaded tray of food. At least someone’s appetite hasn’t been disturbed by all of this.
What is that?
They’re the first words he’s said to me, spoken or written, since my bedroom. Even after looking at his face, his body language, I have no idea of his tone. Is he upset? Curious? He couldn’t be worried, could he? I don’t even know why he’s sitting with me right now. Habit, probably.
A letter to Olivia Kane, I write back. There are other students in the courtyard today, and I don’t feel like speaking aloud.
Wallace frowns. Can I read it?
I run the folded letter between my fingers. It wasn’t meant for Wallace. He’s not waiting with his hand out or anything. It wouldn’t do any harm to let him read it. Maybe then he might understand what I was trying to explain to him before. He could even tell me if I could make it better—he’s the writer, after all.
No, it’s kind of just for her.
He reads this and says nothing else.
When I get home, I find an envelope and a stamp in Mom and Dad’s office and take the letter down to the mailbox. A few years back, the Children of Hypnos forums came up with an address for Olivia Kane’s publisher, where they were accepting mail on her behalf. I don’t know if they’re still collecting it for her, or if they send any of it her way. The odds of her reading my letter are slim to none, and the odds of her actually replying even slimmer. But I don’t care if she chases people off her property with a shotgun, screaming like a banshee.
I at least have to try this.
CHAPTER 40
“Eliza, why don’t you go ahead and take a spot on the couch? Make yourself comfortable.”
“Okay.”
“Would you like anything to drink?”
“Um, maybe water.”
“Water it is. I’m glad you decided to come talk to me.”
“I wasn’t going to. I mean—my parents wanted me to. I don’t really like talking. I just want to get past all of this.”
“Of course. I’ve been reading over the questionnaire you filled out for me, and matching that up with what your parents told me—it seems like you’ve had quite a roller coaster of a school year.”
“Sure, I guess.”
“Why is that?”
“Everything’s gotten worse. Well, not worse. Kind of worse? I don’t know, worse doesn’t sound right. More intense?”
“Intense might be a good word for it. Where do you feel like it started going downhill?”
“It went uphill before it went down. I don’t know. Maybe October.”
“What happened in October?”
“Um. That was when I met Wallace.”
“Wallace is your boyfriend, correct?”
“Yes. Or he was. I don’t know anymore.”
“Okay, so when you met Wallace. How did things change for you then?”
“We started hanging out. I didn’t hang out with anyone in school . . . or outside of school. Wallace is a Monstrous Sea fan, and it was the first time I’d ever met one in real life. I met his friends too.”
“Did you get along with them?”
“Sure.”
“Did Wallace meet your friends?”
“Technically, yeah. Max and Emmy are both on the Monstrous Sea forums, so he’s probably seen them before.”
“You don’t know Max and Emmy in real life?”
“I know them in real life. It’s not like they’re pretending to be somebody else just because they’re online.”
“I mean face-to-face, as in you could reach out and touch them.”
“No. One of them lives in Canada and the other’s in school in California.”
“So you’re used to interacting with people mostly on the internet.”
“I guess. Before Wallace I mostly only interacted with my family. Is that bad?”
“Not necessarily. Many people, especially teenagers your age, find their closest friends and communities online. I apologize for saying ‘in real life’—I didn’t intend to sound like I thought they weren’t valuable relationships.”
“That’s okay. You’re better than my parents were.”
“What do your parents say?”
“Lots of things. They used to say they were okay with the online stuff, but I don’t think they were. They were happy when Wallace came around, though. I guess they thought I was breaking out of my shell, or whatever.”
“Were you?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. I started doing more stuff outside my house, but it still wasn’t the same as being online.”
“How did you feel online?”
“Like the creator of one of the most popular webcomics in the world. I was invincible. It’s so much easier to deal with people when you feel like they can’t touch you.”
“It’s normal to experience those kinds of power differences. Did you feel that way around Wallace all the time?”
“No. Sometimes, but not all the time. I pretended to be a fan too. Wallace is the most popular Monstrous Sea fanfiction writer.”
“Why don’t we talk a little more about Monstrous Sea?”