Eliza Starts a Rumor(82)

My unsoil’d name, the austereness of my life,

My vouch against you, and my place i’ the state.



You didn’t need SparkNotes to interpret this one:

    Who will believe you?

My good name, my austere life,

My word against yours, and my place in Hollywood.



Between the play and the real-life drama at Thanksgiving, Carson was overwhelmed by the need to right his wrongs. When the applause subsided, he pulled Amanda aside. She was anxious to find Pippa, but it looked like waiting a minute for the crowd to disperse might be prudent anyway.

“What is it?” she asked.

Carson had prepared a monologue as well.

“I’m going to head back to LA in the morning. You’ve tolerated me long enough. I’m beyond sorry for the pain I caused you and the girls. I don’t deserve you, Amanda. I don’t deserve them either, but they are stuck with me. I will give you a divorce, even the house if you want it. I hope that you do. I’m sorry.”

He was right in that she had tolerated him long enough. The rest was suspect—typical remorseful words in Carson’s cycle of abuse. She was proud of herself that she had gotten to a place to question that. Pippa bounded up full of love for both of them. Flowers and accolades were exchanged, but nothing more was said.

That night, back at his hotel, Carson called each one of his accusers and apologized. He was open and honest and said simply, “I am very sorry for what I did to you. I now realize that consent is not viable when there is such an unequal division of power. I hope that my apology gives you some form of peace.”

Some of the women just hung up on him, some said thank you and hung up, but one of the women, Cathy Lingstrom, whom he imagined had suffered the greatest betrayal on account of being their close family friend, made a public statement about it.

She began by saying:

    Carson Cole called me last night to apologize and to take responsibility for his actions. Today I feel as if I have set down a weight that I have been carrying around for years. There is a reason it is called the burden of proof. I am thankful to be relieved of that burden.



As Amanda sat at her father’s kitchen table reading Cathy’s words, she wanted to put down that weight, too, but she still felt skeptical. Her father entered the kitchen and, as if reading her mind, said, “You read it, I see. Do you think he’s sincere?”

“Possibly. But he always acts remorseful for a period of time. I hate to say it, but it’s more likely a great big public manipulation.”

He kissed her on the top of her head. “I’m happy to hear you say that. The fact that you are questioning him and not taking him at his word, that makes me know you are going to be OK.”

“Thanks, Daddy. I am.”

The girls scampered into the kitchen. Amanda pulled them toward her and added, “We are.”

“We are what, Mommy?” Sadie asked with a smile.

“We are going home. What do you think about finishing up the semester here and heading back home before Christmas?” Amanda asked.

“I would love that,” Sadie said. Amanda knew she missed her room and her friends.

Pippa did as well, but added with a maturity that surprised Amanda, “If it’s OK for you, that would be nice.”

“It is. I miss home, too.” Amanda hugged them both and added, more for Sadie than Pippa, “Daddy won’t be living with us, but you will see him as much as you want. OK?”

“OK,” Sadie said, hugging her again.



* * *



—

The next day Amanda and Luke drove Eliza up to a residential treatment program specializing in overcoming trauma and anxiety. Eliza had found it herself and jumped when they said they had an empty bed. She knew it would take her longer than the twenty-eight days that insurance pays for to unpack thirty years of baggage, but she wanted to begin with an intense program. She couldn’t bear the fear she saw in the eyes of Luke and her kids and was determined to ease their burden. While a cloud had been lifted, the fog was still very much there. She was still filled with fear when attempting to leave the house—so the fact that she had left the house to get better was already a bigger step than she could have imagined taking just a week earlier.

Before leaving, Eliza asked Olivia to take over as moderator of the Hudson Valley Ladies’ Bulletin Board. Olivia protested.

“But it’s yours. I will just fill in until you come back.”

Eliza had other ideas for her future. “I’m hoping to be able to do something outside of the house, maybe catering.”

Olivia agreed. Actually, she happily agreed, but just for the time being. She knew she had a long healing process in front of her as well and would have to learn how to navigate dealing with Spencer and his family. Running the bulletin board would supply a much-needed distraction.





CHAPTER 46





Eliza & Amanda & Alison & Olivia


28 DAYS LATER

As the first snow dusted Hudson Valley, Eliza Hunt sat in the lobby of Crossroads Village, the treatment facility that had been her home for the past twenty-eight days, waiting for Luke to pick her up. He was due to arrive at eleven, but she was eager to go home and had been sitting there waiting since ten. She was excited to escape the monotony, the food, and the same faces day in and day out. She was also nervous—nervous to reconnect with Luke and deconstruct the wall that had grown between them. Thankfully, that process was well under way for both of them.