Eliza Starts a Rumor(7)
She was thrilled to have her babies home for a few days. It was the perfect amount of time, long enough to make sure they really were as happy and settled in as they claimed, not too long to raise suspicion. Kevin would never notice, but Kayla was very attuned to her mother.
The thought of a full house lifted Eliza’s spirits and gave her something entirely separate to focus on. Then she remembered there was another thing that needed her attention. She grabbed a snack and dashed to her desk.
When things first got popping with the bulletin board, Luke constructed an office area for her, a cozy spot at the end of her upstairs hallway big enough for a desk and some bookshelves on either side of a bay window. It wasn’t a real office, but running the bulletin board wasn’t a real job either. Still, Eliza had painstakingly set it up, choosing just the right books and photographs to fill her shelves. She surrounded herself only with things that made her smile: a first edition of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn that had been a gift from her treasured grandmother for her sixteenth birthday; two glitter-covered, tiny handprints pressed into clay made by the twins in preschool; a Hollywood snow globe she had bought as a souvenir the one time she had visited her best friend, Mandy, who had moved out to Cali after high school.
A treasured, awkward school photo of her twins and the “first look” shot from her wedding sat front and center. The photo of Luke, smiling from ear to ear under their wedding canopy, was probably the first thing she would grab if her house was on fire. Their wedding photographer had been so entranced by his joyous expression that she forgot to turn her lens toward the bride as she was escorted down the aisle by her parents. When the proofs came back without the classic shot, her mother was furious. “How could she miss such a thing?” The photographer explained that she had honestly never seen a guy so excited to marry a girl before and got caught up in that. Occasionally she would still catch Luke looking at her that way. It should have made her feel loved, but it left her feeling guilty.
She turned on the computer and tapped her fingers impatiently as it booted up. Thinking about Luke and all she had kept from him sometimes stressed her out more than the issues at hand. As usual, she put it all out of her head and embraced the diversion. She was beyond curious to see the site that the women at the Stop & Shop were talking about: her competition.
Good thing you left the house, Eliza, she praised herself silently. It could have been months until you got wind of Valley Girls. For obvious reasons, running the Hudson Valley Ladies’ Bulletin Board had meant more to her in these past few months than it had in years. Before her agoraphobia kicked back in, she had even toyed with the idea of passing the torch to a younger mother, one who was more qualified to moderate a debate on the virtues of the Citi Mini stroller versus the Bugaboo Cameleon versus the Peg Perego versus the ultra-luxurious Mima Xari. After all, they were possibly forking up as much money to perambulate their babies as she had for her first car. But now it felt like her only safe window to the outside world. There was no way she was giving up the one environment she had control over.
The computer hummed, and she quickly typed in “Valley Girls” as if someone was looking over her shoulder. A stupid name for a site for stupid girls, she thought, as it came right up. She had to answer a few questions to be approved by the moderator first.
Do you live in Hudson Valley? Yes.
How did you hear about us? At the Stop & Shop.
Do you agree to abide by the rules of Valley Girls?
Eliza read through the rules. The last one, What happens on Valley Girls stays on Valley Girls, made her laugh. The two women at the Stop & Shop must have missed that part, she thought, as she replied, Yes.
Luke texted, checking in on her:
Hey, sweets. Are you sure you don’t want to come to the airport? I can swing by and get you, no problem.
She wrote back:
I wish I could, but I still have things to prepare for the party tomorrow, and I’d rather have dinner waiting. I’m sure the kids will be starving by the time they get home.
You’re the best mom.
Luke’s text made her feel even worse. She knew that the best mom wouldn’t have had an excuse, more like a lie, prepared in advance for this exact situation.
As she put her phone down, a message appeared on her computer screen:
Welcome to Valley Girls.
She got down to business.
After just a few months, Valley Girls already had a thousand members, and there was definitely a younger, hipper vibe to it than she was used to. Keeping it current felt like the antidote to her own fleeting relevancy. She found the erectile dysfunction thread that the women were freaking out about at the market. Penises in general seemed to be a big topic of conversation, including opinions on the age-old question, does size really matter?
There was a lot of talk about sex: anal sex, oral sex, bad sex, good sex, too much sex, and not enough. The names of positions and sex toys were thrown around so knowingly that Eliza wished they had a glossary. She had to google the Rabbit Habit, the Hovering Butterfly, the Trick or Treat, and the Dirty Sanchez. She wished she hadn’t googled the last one, having just eaten.
It felt to Eliza like there was a lot of grandstanding going on—women posting things just to get attention. There were also plenty of basic posts—asking for advice on the best breast pump or summer vacation spot with the kids. It wasn’t all Hudson Valley Girls Gone Wild, like she had thought it would be, but it was clearly much more salacious than her site. Their cover photo showed a valley between two snowcapped mountains, or, if you looked at it differently, breasts. Hers was of an actual bulletin board.