Dream Chaser (Dream Team, #2)(100)

Right.

Now he’d brought up Jeb, it might be a good time to talk about Jeb.

Before I could instigate a discussion about Jeb, Boone kept talking.

“You think they’ll see me with a beautiful, together woman who dresses great, makes me laugh and makes me happy, and they’re not gonna like you?”

“Okay, I’ll cool it about your parents, honey. But now I think we need to talk about Jeb.”

He shook his head. “I gotta get to work so we don’t have time to talk about Jeb.”

This was true.

Still.

“Okay, but, baby,” I whispered, smoothing my thumbs over his cheeks, “we do need to find a time to talk about him.”

“The problem with what happened with Jeb is, there’s nothing to talk about. He’s dead. The end.”

“Boone,” I said gently.

“Kathryn,” he said impatiently.

I gave his face a careful squeeze before I slid my hands down to his chest and said, “I’m not gonna push it. I’m just gonna say, that isn’t the end. Not for you. And not for his wife or anyone who cared about him.”

“You’re right about that,” he grunted.

Now I was in a situation, because I didn’t want him to know that Axl and I had talked about it, but I also didn’t want to keep from him that Axl and I had talked about it.

Shit!

“Right, so it came up when we were talking things out, and he said it in a way that I know he thought I already knew, but Axl told me you look after Whitney and Muriel.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you did that?”

“Because it isn’t like I’m over there every day. But regardless, for the last two weeks, Whitney’s been in California with her folks, taking Muriel to Disneyland and the beach and shit, so there’s been nothing to look after.”

Oh.

“I’m not hiding shit from you, Ryn,” he told me, sounding a little annoyed.

“Okay,” I replied.

“I take care of it if something goes wrong in her house. I mow the lawn in the summer and trim her bushes. It isn’t like I’m over there all the time.”

“I’m not saying that’s an issue, Boone. It’s sweet you do that for her.”

“She gets another man, obviously, I’m out.”

“Is she going to get another man?” I asked carefully.

“I can’t tell the future, Ryn.”

“Would that bother you if she got another man?” I asked.

“Is there something about the concept of ‘we don’t have time to talk about this’ that you don’t get?” he asked in return.

I shut up.

His face softened and he murmured, “That was dick speak, sweetheart. Sorry.”

I drew in a breath and let it out, liking how quick he was to back down from that mood and apologize for acting on it.

“We’ll talk about this, I promise,” he promised.

I nodded.

“I miss him,” he shared. “I’m pissed at him. I’m pissed at myself I didn’t catch any signs. And I hate it that his daughter is gonna grow up not knowing how great her dad was.”

“That’s a lot,” I whispered.

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“We’ll talk about it later,” I said.

“Yeah,” he repeated.

“I’m just gonna say now, before we end this, I know I’m not going to be able to take that away. That hurt. The anger. I’ve never lost anyone close, but I had a friend who had a girlfriend get really sick suddenly, and she didn’t make it, and my friend still isn’t the same. Grief isn’t a journey to getting over it or getting past it. It’s about adjusting your life to accommodate it. So I’m here to help you with that or just,” I shrugged against the bed, “to listen.”

Boone stared down at me and he did this so long, it began to freak me.

“Or, maybe you can get over it,” I said quickly. “Maybe—”

“Quiet, Rynnie,” he whispered.

I shut my mouth.

“I never thought of it like that,” he told me.

“Oh,” I replied stupidly.

“I thought one day I’d just get what he did, and understanding would make it right in my head. Or I’d wake up and be on the other side of it and it would just be another thing that happened in life.”

“Well, I don’t have personal experience, Boone, but I don’t think it happens that way.”

“Yeah,” he muttered, clearly shaken by the epiphany I’d led him to.

I considered not saying what I wanted to say next, but since we were here, and Boone wasn’t shutting it down, I went for it.

“And I don’t want to get too deep into the philosophy of suicide, but only Jeb knew where he was at. And I hope at least you can find your way past the anger you have at him for what he did, even if it’s shifting it to anger at a system that failed him.”

At these words, all of a sudden, he rolled to his back, taking me with him so I knew he wasn’t upset about what I said. And I knew it more by how tight he was holding me against him.

“Boone,” I semi-wheezed, lifting my head to look down on him.