Don't Look for Me(32)

She’d liked the quiet boys. The geeks and runners. The quiet thinkers. The ones Kurt Kent reminded of her of, though he didn’t fit into any of those categories. Maybe it was his earnestness. That was how her mother had described her father—earnest.

That life had felt strong and good.

That life had been a gift. A gift that was long gone.

She was about to get up and get the coffee herself when she saw a new text from Evan.

What did that woman say?

Nic started to text a reply, but decided to call.

“Hey,” he said. He sounded surprised.

“Hey. How are you?”

“I’m, you know, whatever. What’s going on there?”

Nic considered how much to tell him. He needed to keep his shit together. Junior year was important.

“I met with the woman.”

Nic told him about Officer Reyes, and how he’d punched holes through Edith Moore’s story.

“So she’s like the other assholes? After the money?” he asked.

“Everyone wants the money. That doesn’t mean she isn’t telling the truth about the truck. She would be pretty stupid to make up a story that Mom would know was a lie.”

Evan was silent then.

She shouldn’t have gone down that path. He was coming to the same conclusion she had earlier with Reyes, after they’d left Edith Moore at the Gas n’ Go. If their mother was dead, she wouldn’t be able to refute any story. And there was money to be had, dead or alive.

“Ev—I think she did see Mom,” Nic said, changing the subject. Giving him hope. “Do you remember how she always waved at us, when she couldn’t get our attention?”

“Both arms over the head? Like she was working the tarmac at JFK?”

Nic smiled. “Yeah. It was ridiculous, right?”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Of course, Ev. What is it?”

“She did that at the game. She didn’t know I saw her, but after we scored a touchdown, she was standing and cheering and waving like that and it pissed me off because she looked so stupid.”

He could barely get out the last few words.

“Maybe she did know, Evan. Maybe she knew you saw her and that even though it pissed you off, it was because you know how much she loves you.”

“I guess. What made you think about that? The way she waves at us?” Evan asked.

“Edith Moore said that’s how she waved down this truck. And she even had her purse in one hand, so it was flying in the air as well.”

Evan’s voice was lighter now. “Usually it was with her phone in her hand. It was fucking ridiculous! We told her to stop.”

“I know! We did. Even Dad told her. She was so embarrassing.”

Nic felt her throat tighten with these thoughts, these memories, of their mother.

“And she saw the letters on the purse. That was never released to the press.”

“So she really saw her? She saw Mom that night?” His voice trailed off at the end. Was he crying? Had she made him cry?

“Ev…”

“Can you find the truck? Maybe she said something, told someone why she didn’t come home.” His words sounded fragile, their syllables broken.

“I’m trying, Ev. That’s why I’m here. Why I’m staying.”

“Okay … fuck. I mean, fuck this, Nic! Where is she?”

“I don’t know…” Nic tried to stay calm, keep her voice steady so she could stop him from unraveling. But it was too late.

“Why? What the fuck! Why did she leave us?”

Nic searched for the right answer. Was it better that he believed their father’s lie? That the note had been authenticated? That their mother left them? Or should she tell him the truth—that now she didn’t know for sure, even if the police and everyone else in this town still believed it?

Not knowing meant their mother could be dead.

“Ev—listen to me,” she said. “It wasn’t because of the football game. It wasn’t because of anything you did.”

“I see her sometimes,” he said, his voice beginning to calm. “I see her standing by the door to the field house, smiling at me. Wanting me to smile back. Just one smile, you know? And I just felt so pissed off that she was right there where all my friends could see her. It’s not normal that she came all that way for every home game. Other parents don’t come until the playoffs. Why did she have to do that? Why did she keep coming?”

“You know why, Ev.”

“Why?”

She took a second, let him think about it.

“Because of Annie?” he asked then. “That was so long ago. And it’s not like driving eight hours to see me is going to bring her back.”

“I know. It’s complicated.”

“Do you ever ask yourself…”

“What?”

“Why we’re not enough. Why it’s not enough that we’re still here.”

God, Evan. What could she say to that? The truth was, she had never asked that question. It was shocking to hear this, how their mother’s disappearance had resonated so differently inside of him.

“Evan—I’m going to find her, okay? You keep your shit together. I’ve got this.”