Diamond Fire (Hidden Legacy, #3.5)(11)

“I know that,” I growled. “You know I can’t.”

“No, you won’t. You’ve been controlling your magic much better.”

“I can’t take the risk.”

“No, you won’t even try.” Arabella shook her head.

“It’s irresponsible!”

“Hanging out with a cute guy is irresponsible. Listen to yourself. You’re eighteen, not thirty.”

“I can’t treat people like toys. I might start liking him. I might want to hang out with him.”

“And?”

“And sometimes that’s how little it takes.”

“Why don’t you give up and be a nun, then!”

“Maybe I will!”

We rode in silence.

“I’m not saying you should fall in love or make out with him or chase him around screaming, ‘wife me now!’” Arabella said.

“I know.”

“All I’m saying is that you could give him a chance. A tiny chance. A sliver of a chance. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“My control might slip a hair. My magic might leak. He’ll become besotted because of my magic and follow me around with a slack look on his face listening to my every word and doing creepy things like stealing hair from my brush so he can hide it under his pillow and sniff it at night when he gets lonely.”

Arabella looked at me. “That was oddly specific.”

“Michael Sanchez in my freshman year. Eyes on the road.”

“Suppose this happens.” My sister merged into the middle lane. “Let’s say he becomes ‘besotted.’ So what? He is leaving in a week. Your magic wears off with time and distance. Even if the worst happens, in a month he will be fine. People take that long to get over normal summer flings.”

“It still isn’t right.” I had no right to manipulate other people’s feelings. It didn’t matter that I wouldn’t have meant to do it. The possibility existed.

“Do you remember the ranch?”

The ranch was owned by one of Mom’s friends, two hundred acres of scrub and rocks in the middle of nowhere. We would take Arabella there, so she could metamorphose without anyone freaking out.

“We went to the ranch, so I could practice. And I went every time and I did my best. Even when I was twelve and a crazy ball of rage, because I knew that if I wanted to have any kind of life, I had to learn my magic. I had to figure out what I could do, how long I could do it, what I couldn’t do. It’s like driving and learning where the car ends and how quickly it can stop. You don’t practice.”

I glared at her. “I practice all the time.”

“Yes, you practice not using it. You’re excellent at not using your power. You’ve got that part down.”

“I am excellent at not using it. I have to be.”

Arabella’s eyes narrowed. “Then Xavier is in no danger, is he?”

She got me. “I hate you sometimes.”

“You hate that I’m right. Seriously, what’s the harm in talking to Xavier? You’re going to college in the fall. There’s going to be all kinds of people there. Guys, Catalina. There will be cute college guys.”

“Maybe I won’t go to college.”

“Sure,” Arabella said.

I didn’t say anything.

“Wait, are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Why was complicated. There were many reasons. It was expensive. I didn’t know what I wanted to major in and I didn’t want to waste my time and the family’s money. But most of all, I had spent the last four years racing to the graduation finish line trying to get the highest score in everything. I had existed in a state of constant pressure, where something was always due and once I finished it, I was already behind on the next paper, the next exam, or the next project. When they finally ran out of courses to give me and I finished this Christmas, I felt like I had breathed fresh air for the first time since I started high school. They were still making me come back for the graduation and walk across the stage. I would graduate this May. I would finally be free.

And when I told Mom and Grandma Frida that, there would be hell to pay. I had scored 1580 on the SAT out of a possible 1600. I was in the top 1 percent nationwide. I had my pick of schools. I could get a scholarship almost anywhere. They would tell me I was throwing away my future.

“Even if you don’t go to college, you have to interact with people outside the family eventually. I don’t want you to be alone, Catalina. If you want to be alone, that’s fine, but I don’t want you to be forced to be alone because you think you have no choice. If it was just about magic, then you could’ve gone out with Alessandro. He is an Antistasi Prime. He could’ve resisted you.”

She had to bring that up. “He had been exposed to the full power of my magic.”

Arabella grimaced. “Oh don’t give me that. I’ve seen people after you charmed them. He had none of the symptoms. All he wanted to do was take you for a drive in his fancy car and to talk to you. You threatened to call the cops on him. Seriously, what are you afraid of?”

“That it wouldn’t be real.” The words dropped like bricks. “Nobody ever likes me for me, Arabella.” And I had really wanted him to.