Dead to Her(74)

“No wonder you’re so happy the police have taken Keisha. All that evidence they have against her stops them looking at both of us, doesn’t it? Not just me, but you too, you sanctimonious prick.” The cussing tasted good in her mouth. He’d earned it. “Keisha wasn’t the only one with something to gain by William’s death. This is all working out quite well for you too, isn’t it?”

Jason paused in the doorway, spots of color blotched on his suddenly pale face. “What are you implying?” He looked aghast. “Are you asking if I poisoned William? Of course I didn’t. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think you did either, so forgive me for being slightly relieved for both our sakes that it looks pretty obvious that Keisha did.”

Marcie stared at him. “So you did steal the money.”

“I didn’t steal it. I . . . I borrowed it.” There was a long pause, and then his spine crumpled, his shoulders rolling forward as he sighed. “It got out of hand. I was in the process of putting it all back, I promise you. But there’s been a delay and I could only cover so much. I wasn’t expecting William to organize the audit. Not so quickly.”

“But why?” she asked. “Why do it in the first place?” Having her suspicions confirmed had knocked the anger out of her, and now she was confused and afraid. Was there anything real in their marriage at all? If this was to come out, they’d be ruined. Imprisoned. Who’d believe that she hadn’t known?

“I could see the way you looked at them,” he said, shrugging helplessly. “William and Eleanor. Iris and Noah. Even Virginia and Emmett. I wasn’t stupid. I knew we were the poor relations of our friendship group.”

“You’ve never been poor, Jason. Far from it.”

“Everything is relative. Happiness. Health. Wealth. You envied them.”

“So did you. We had that in common.”

“I did. But mainly I wanted to make you happy. First your store didn’t work out and then you were so insistent about having this house—”

“You stop right there, Jason Maddox.” Marcie couldn’t believe what she was hearing. What kind of bullshit was this? “Are you really trying to put this on me? I didn’t make you steal anything. You did that all by yourself.” She wouldn’t have been so stupid to have risked their whole lives just for a bigger house. Why the hell had he? “We could have stayed in our old house,” she said, quieter this time. “I wouldn’t have minded. If you’d explained that money was tight.” Was that true? If she was honest, she preferred their old house. It was warmer. But this house—this was impressive, it commanded respect, and that counted for something, didn’t it?

“No, it’s not your fault. Of course not. I’m just trying to explain.” Jason was so pathetic, his voice almost whining. “When we met, you looked at me as if I could conquer the world and that made me believe I could. You never put me down like Jacquie had. I wanted to keep that feeling. But it changed. The more you saw of this life, the more you wanted it. And I couldn’t—can’t—blame you for that.”

He looked up at her, his eyes full of despair. “I’m so, so sorry. I wanted you to be happy. In a week or so all the money will be back where it should be. I promise you. I’ll never do anything like it again. It’s been killing me, it really has. So much deception. I couldn’t look at you or William, I felt so bad.” He took her hand. “But I didn’t hurt William. I swear to God I didn’t. I love you, Marcie. I really do.”

Marcie was at a loss for words, instead wanting to pummel all her feelings out against his face. Did he really think she was going to believe that pile of horseshit? That he’d done it for her? She looked at him again, his face so earnest, and realized that yes, he did think she’d go for it—maybe he was even convinced of it. It was easier than taking the blame himself. She gritted her teeth. Did she want to have this fight now, or was it safer all around to just let it ride?

“I love you too,” she murmured in the end, squeezing his hand back. “But what a mess.” Despite her conciliatory words, her heart thumped with no small amount of anger. So she wasn’t the only one with a secret to protect in this marriage. Her beloved Jason wasn’t so pure himself. Beloved. Did she love him anymore? she wondered, as he leaned in and kissed her, his mouth hot and stale from lack of sleep, his tongue probing for comfort and forgiveness from hers. She let him move her back on the bed. Of course they were going to have sex. An affirmation of their union. A reminder that they were in this together, for better or for worse.

What she normally took for passion felt needy as he gripped her neck and hair and pulled her close, panting and pushing himself into her. She let her body move in rhythm with his, and even as her nerves tingled, responding, she felt somewhat detached. He’d been horrible to her for months and then made her feel like it was her fault. He’d gaslighted her and now she was supposed to forgive him, just like that? At least her secrets hadn’t affected him. Not until now. They’d stayed hers. Private. Irrelevant.

She ran her hands over the familiar firmness of his chest around to his back, lingering in the curve of his spine before teasing the line down to his ass, trailing a finger along the crevice of his butt, knowing how the hint of the illicit excited him. She wanted him to come and quickly. She wasn’t ready to have sex with him. She wasn’t sure she even wanted to ever again. She was angry with him. She pitied him. It was all so different from how sex was with Keisha. How everything was with Keisha. But Keisha was in jail and Jason was here and they all had bigger problems to deal with than who she preferred fucking.