Darkness at the Edge of Town (Iris Ballard #2)(50)

“He came back to my corner the next day and did the same. By the third day, when he invited me to come live here, I believed in me. I believed I was more than my cock. That I was worthy of love and happiness. He opened my eyes to our place in the universe, my place on this plane of existence and the next. It’s helping others like me reach their full potential. Find their way off the detours and onto their true path. And I absolutely believe our paths were meant to converge, Carol. Truly. We are meant to continue on our life journeys together, and not just because Mathias sensed that last night would be the night I met my destiny. But because as I sit here, beside you, touching you…” He leaned in a little. “I have never felt more at peace. Because you have been in my every thought since I first laid eyes on you.” He leaned in more. “Because every one of my cells is telling me it is my purpose in this incarnation to take your pain away.” Closer. “To show you your true, beautiful self. To make as many of your moments joyous as I possibly can.” Our lips were only millimeters from each other. I held my breath. “Starting now,” he whispered.



His lips gently touched mine, and I momentarily lost my mind. My body took control. I kissed him back. And it felt good. Really fucking good. Be it the years of celibacy, those swoon-worthy proclamations, his raw charisma, Megan’s prep work, or just my animal instinct, I forgot my mission and all common sense. There was nothing but those expert lips, his arms pulling me against him, his heat, his hands in my hair and roving up underneath my shirt along my bare back. I wanted that man. I wanted him to kiss my naked body. I wanted him to press his own flesh against mine. I wanted to get lost in the lust and just let go of all my troubles and replace them with raw pleasure for a few damn minutes.

But I needed to stop.

It took my mind ten seconds to find the strength to sucker-punch my body into shutting its whore mouth long enough for me to realize that what I was doing was fifty shades of fucked up. That I barely knew the guy with his erection pressed against me. That what I did know was that he was some screwed-up kid all but brainwashed into liking me. That I’d just be using him for my own selfish needs like everyone else in his life had. And if that weren’t enough to stop me, my mind pulled out the image of Luke leaning in that night on my porch in North Carolina. His eyes boring into mine. His lips moving closer to mine.



K.O.

I broke our kiss. “Stop. Stop!” I said, pushing Paul away.

“What? Why? Did-Did I do something wrong?” he asked, aghast at the idea.

I scooted down the bed away from him. “No. God, no. I just…I can’t do this. We have to stop. Now.”

“What? Why? Are you afraid someone will walk in or something? We can go to your place or somewhere else more private.”

And then I was faced with my second moral crisis in all of twenty seconds. I was still throbbing between my legs after facing the last one. This one was all the domain of my mind, though. It was my chance. All I had to do was keep leaning on this boy. I just had to say, “I’d be more inclined to fuck you if you take me to The Apex. We can make love on a blanket under the stars. That’s always been a fantasy of mine,” and he would. I’d be there. Mission accomplished. But the words wouldn’t leave my still tender lips. It felt wrong, almost as wrong as sleeping with him. It was still leading him on, still using him. Plus once we got there, and I revealed who I was, he’d no doubt be punished. I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t. I wasn’t Mathias. Goddamn it, having a conscience sucks sometimes, I thought.

“Oh, you sweet, sweet kid,” I said with a smile.

“I’m not a kid.”



“You’re what? Twenty-three? Twenty-four? I’m thirty-five. I have a decade on you. And I need to be the adult here.”

“If you’re hung up on the age thing, I mean, I don’t care. Ten years isn’t a big deal. I—”

“It’s not an age thing. It’s not a…it has nothing to do with you. Nothing. Really. You’re lovely. You seem like a well-intentioned, caring, sweet, extremely sexy guy. You do have a lot to offer a girl beyond just your body. You do. And you deserve someone who can recognize and appreciate that. Appreciate you. Give you the love you deserve. But she’s not me.”

“You’re wrong,” he said vehemently.

“I’m not. I’m really, really not,” I said just as vehemently. “Whatever you think the universe is telling you about us is wrong. We have no future, none, and I don’t want you to waste a second of your life on me. It’s wrong.”

He stared at me, studied me for a few seconds with those pained brown eyes. After about three seconds, the pain morphed into compassion. “You’re still in love with your ex-husband, aren’t you?”

“No, it’s not th—”

“No, you are,” he declared. “Your heart…it’s full of another right now. I can sense it. You’re so closed off, almost blocked because of him. I just have to be patient.”

“You don’t,” I stated.

“I’ll have to show you we are what the universe wants, just like Mathias showed me.”

He wasn’t listening to me. He was too far down the rabbit hole. There was nothing I could do to persuade him out of the madness. The kid was going to get his heart broken no matter what. In that moment I positively hated Mathias for doing this to this sweet, damaged boy. I hated myself a little too. The millisecond he started flirting with me, I should have shut it down. Hard. And I sure as hell shouldn’t have kissed him back. I was disgusted with myself and the whole situation.