Darkness at the Edge of Town (Iris Ballard #2)(41)

“We try to,” Nessa said. “The universe blessed us with Hannah, Betsy, and Ruth. They were some of the first members. They were raised Amish and taught us so much about how to raise livestock and make our own food. It’s so much healthier.”

“Tastes better too,” Helen added.

“And Betsy made the cheese and pasta?” I asked.

“Oh, yeah. She’s amazing in the kitchen.”

“Maybe that’s why Billy likes her,” I said. “They say the way to a man’s heart is his stomach.”

Within five seconds Nessa took the bait. “Do you know Billy?”

“Sort of. He was engaged to my cousin Gia.”

“Oh,” Nessa said.

“I talked to her today. I told her about…them. She was pretty upset. I didn’t know he’d cleared out their bank account. She can’t pay her rent.”

“That’s sad,” Britt said.

“I know he didn’t do that lightly,” Helen said. “But with a baby on the way…they are not cheap.”

“He talked to you about the situation?” I asked Helen.

“Oh. He felt so guilty about straying but elated about the baby. I’m sorry for what your cousin’s going through. I actually quite liked her. She’s strong. She spoke her mind. She even helped me in the kitchen like you are now. And they were integral parts of each other’s paths. That will never change. But their paths have simply diverged. It’s not good, it’s not bad, it just…is. Without their joining together they never would have come here, he never would have met Betsy, and there wouldn’t be a new life on the way. And who knows what that life will contribute to the universe? And when your cousin meets the man she’s meant to reach the end of her path with, and holds their child in her arms because, in part, of what Billy did, her current pain won’t even be a memory.”



“So the ends justify the means?” I asked without thinking.

“No. Of course not. Billy betrayed a trust, and I guarantee he is punishing himself for it,” Helen said.

“Is that what happens at the farm? People…punish themselves?”

Nessa laughed. “No! Universe no! The total opposite.”

“It’s where we go to heal, to learn,” Britt said, “to progress on our journey, or at least learn to recognize the signposts the universe provides to make the journey as easy as possible.”

“I don’t think that will help Gia in the short term,” I said.

“Well, tell her we’re still here for her,” Helen said. “We’ll do what we can to ease her suffering and help her see—”

“What? It’s a good thing she’s about to get kicked out of her home? That the baby she desperately wanted to have with Billy he’s now having with his no doubt much younger girlfriend?” I snapped. “Come on.”

All three women stared at me in confusion. My vehemence was not good. If I hated Billy and them so much, why was I there now? I knew at least Helen was thinking it. Fucking Mom, I thought as I set down the grater. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you all. I just…don’t like cheats.”



“It’s all right,” Helen said. “The same thing happened to her. Her husband…”

Nessa rubbed my arm. Once again I had to suppress the urge to swat her hand away. Being touched by a stranger was torture for a non-hugger like me. “I am so sorry that was part of your journey.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s not just that, is it?” Helen asked. “Something happened today. Your energy is so…angry. Hurt. You’re practically glowing with rage.”

“You have to let it out, Carol,” Britt instructed. “Holding on to that form of energy just makes your body and soul sick.”

“Was it your ex-husband?” Nessa asked. “Did he do something?”

After my outburst, I had to get them back in my good graces and play along. Plus, Britt was right. Letting it out was the best medicine. “No, it was my mother. We got in a fight not even half an hour ago. She basically blamed me for…what happened with my husband. It was my fault we never had children, that he strayed. If I’d been…better, more, I wouldn’t be in the situation I am now. A cold, childless spinster who’ll die alone and unloved.”

“Your mother said that to you?” Helen asked, horrified.

“To be fair, she’d just gotten bad news and is selfish and immature on a good day, but I was trying to make her feel better, and I was the closest person when she needed to lash out.”

“That is no excuse,” Helen said vehemently. “No one should say such horrid, untrue things to you, least of all your mother, and especially when you were trying to help her. You poor thing. Come here.” Helen embraced me again, but this time I didn’t want to pull away. It felt really good to be hugged by someone completely on my side. “None of what she said is true. You are good. You are kind. You are worthy of love, and it will find you as long as you leave yourself open to its possibility.”



“Your mother sounds like an emotional vampire,” Nessa said as she rubbed my arm.

“I did put her through a lot,” I said in her defense. “And we’re so different. I’m all head and she’s all heart. I don’t think she ever understood me. It always felt like she thought I was some alien she got stuck with and didn’t know how to communicate with.”