Darkness at the Edge of Town (Iris Ballard #2)(104)

“I…” He just handed Luke the paper, then hung his head again. “It was in an envelope on the front gate.”

Their last words.

The universe is good, the universe is kind, always trust its will. All we wished to do on this plane was be together, to worship the universe, and each other. But The Man wouldn’t let us. He seeks to destroy us. To tear us apart. We will not let him. We are too pure for this world as it is now. Tonight we all join the universe in its purity, as one. This is not death, as energy can never die. We are one now. May our energy help purify your world. You’re welcome.

The signatures began on the first page and continued on the back. Mathias. Helen. Paul. Chantal. Megan. Betsy. Ken.

Billy.



I left my body again. I barely heard Carmichael explaining they thought all forty-two people were in the house as the gas leaked through it and somehow ignited. The firefighters also smelled gasoline, so the house may have been doused just in case the explosion didn’t complete the job. I stared down at the ground and it took me a moment to realize there was a smoldering human arm not five feet away. The bile suddenly rose and I turned around, running back to Luke’s car before throwing up by the wheel. I didn’t want to look at that house, that man; I wanted to vanish into a black hole and never return. I vaguely knew that someone held my hair as I threw up the second time. That I was sobbing. That my legs gave out and I collapsed against something warm and hard, the same thing that wrapped its arms around me as we slid to the ground. It petted my head and kissed my forehead as my body sobbed and sobbed into its shoulder. The same dissociation only ever happened once before, as I watched my husband’s head explode, and I executed his killer. Sometimes a person can feel too much and has to go away.

I sort of watched my body from a distance as the tears subsided enough so I could breathe. Luke whispered, “I’m getting you out of here,” before picking my body up like he would a bride and carrying it to the passenger side of his car. If I were in my right mind I would have been mortified at this act, but I don’t think I even really noticed. It was as if I blinked and suddenly we were driving down a road as Luke practically screamed, “Iris? Iris!”

He sounded so terrified, I had to come back. I wished to God I hadn’t. My whole body was heavy, my throat burned and stomach ached, but the worst was the sadness and the guilt filling my every cell. My tears hadn’t stopped. In fact, now that I was back in my body they became sobs again. Hard sobs where I couldn’t breathe. No air would enter my lungs. “Iris? Iris, breathe,” Luke ordered. I couldn’t. Only the sobs came out, then the chokes. Terror momentarily overshadowed the guilt and sadness. It was literally killing me.



Luke jerked the wheel onto the side of the road and stopped the car. I still couldn’t breathe. “Iris? Iris…” He hurried out of the car and ran to the passenger side, opening the door, kneeling down, and pulling me into another embrace. Before I could stop myself, I hugged him back. Held on to him as if that black hole were actually coming to destroy me. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’ll all be okay.”

After a few seconds, it was as if he’d given me part of his strength. I could breathe again. I took a deep, choking breath. Another. The sobs lessened enough for me to choke out, “I killed them. I killed them.”

“No, you didn’t,” he whispered, hugging me even tighter. “Iris, you didn’t.”

“If I hadn’t…I started it…I knew he’d…”

“Look at me, Iris. Look at me.” Luke pushed me far enough away that I could see his hard, fierce face. “You warned them. You told them what to do and they refused to listen.”

“But I started this. I walked in…I put him on edge…”

“No. Whether it was now or when the DEA came out of the shadows, Mathias was never going to be taken alive. He was never going to let people take his control away. And you did everything you could to stop this.” He hugged me again. “Don’t you dare blame yourself. This is on Mathias and Mathias alone.”



“All those people…Billy…” I sobbed.

“We don’t know what happened, okay? We don’t know anything for sure. But you need to be strong, okay? For yourself. For your family. And I’m here. I’m here. Always. Forever. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

How could he be? How could he still love me after this night? After what I’d let loose? God himself could have told me I wasn’t to blame and I wouldn’t have believed Him. I felt as if I’d lit the match myself. I’d opened Pandora’s box. If I hadn’t come to town, hadn’t invaded their lives, those women and men, including my brother, would still be alive. Happy in their ignorance. Why hadn’t I left them alone? Why was this happening?

Luke’s phone began to ring and I pulled away from him in surprise. Separated from him I began to tremble. My strength left me. He glanced at the phone’s display. “It’s…your grandparents.”

“Oh, God,” I said, doubling over. “I can’t. I can’t.”

“I’ll tell them, okay? I’ll do it.” He stood and walked away, down the road, so I couldn’t hear the words. Their sobs and shrieks. I just sat rocking back and forth, half in and half out of the car, watching Luke’s face break as he broke my family’s hearts. I had to look away. I rested my head on my knees and rocked. They would hate me forever. They were right to.