Dance Away with Me(96)

No sense in passing on her own math aversion to her child.

Her child. The old unwelcome pit had resettled in her stomach. There was no three of them, only Tess and Wren, with Ian forever on the outside.

Wren burped, a big sound from such a little body. Tess patted her bottom and thought about the previous day: the trip to the hospital, her aborted community meeting, delivering Savannah’s baby, and the final explosive encounter with the Winchesters. Looming over it all, the identity of Wren’s father. She wanted to run away from it all, but that was no longer an option.

Kelly eventually stumbled downstairs, followed by Ava. They wore the same rumpled clothes from the night before, although Ava’s jeans and sweater had held up better than her mother’s blouse. Kelly looked past Tess and ran a hand through her unkempt hair. Ava poked at a floorboard with a black and gray argyle sock. Neither of them seemed to know what to say. Tess offered up Wren as an ice breaker. “One of you hold her, will you? I’ll make coffee. And how about toast? I’m afraid I don’t have anything more to offer.”

“You have a lot to offer, Tess.” Kelly finally met her eyes. “I’m sorry we put you through all that last night. Sorry about the way Brad treated you. The way I treated you.” She picked up her purse from the table next to the couch. “We have to go. We’ve imposed on you long enough.”

“If you need to stay for a while, you’re welcome to.”

Kelly bit her bottom lip. “I’ll have to face him sooner or later.”

“Mom.” Ava’s head came up, her customary sparkle extinguished. “Mom, I have to talk to Tess. Alone.”

Kelly’s face fell. “Oh . . .” Her fingers constricted around the strap of her purse. “Only her?”

“Please? I need to.”

Kelly’s internal struggle in the face of her daughter’s rejection was heartbreaking to watch. “I see.” Her shoulders slumped. “All right. Maybe I could—” She struggled for something to say, somewhere to go. “I— I can wait on the porch.”

Tess couldn’t bear it. “Ava, your mother will always be there for you. You can count on her in ways you won’t be able to count on me. Can we talk together? All three of us?”

Wren squawked. “Sorry, Wren,” Tess amended. “All four of us.”

That elicited the wobbliest of smiles from Ava, a smile that quickly faded. “It’s bad, Mom. It’s really bad.”

Kelly’s hand flew to her mouth. “You’re pregnant!”

“No! Ohmygod, no!”

Kelly rushed to her side. “He raped you.”

“No!” Ava drew away from her mother and collapsed on the couch, where she started to cry. “I almost . . . I don’t wish he had. I mean, that’s awful. But, it’s . . . If he had, I wouldn’t feel so guilty. It wouldn’t be my fault.”

Tess carried Wren toward the window so Kelly and Ava could have this time together. Kelly sank onto the cushion beside her. “Baby, this has nothing to do with fault. Not a single thing.”

Ava raised her head, looked at her mother. “But we did it, Mom. Last night. While you and dad were at the meeting. I told Connor I wouldn’t do it unless he like wore a condom, and he didn’t want to, but he did. But it hurt. I didn’t like it. I told him I didn’t want to do it again, not for a long time. And he laughed at me, Mom. He laughed at me and told me I was a big baby.”

Tess gritted her teeth, unable to stay quiet. “I am going to take that boy out!”

But Kelly’s entire focus was on her daughter. She stroked her tangled hair and cupped her cheek. “You spoke up for yourself, baby. I’m so proud of you.”

“But I spoke up too late,” Ava sobbed. “And . . . I wanted to do it. But now . . . I hate Connor! Everybody thinks he’s so fine, but he’s not. And now you and Dad are going to get a divorce, and it’s all because of me.”

“No!” Kelly gripped Ava’s hands and shook them between her own. “Don’t even think that. If your dad and I get a divorce, it’ll be because of me. Because I don’t have the same kind of courage you have. I never speak up. I let Dad make all the decisions for us. Yours and mine. I let him order me around. But worst of all, I’ve let him tell me who I am instead of figuring it out for myself.”

Ava’s lower lip trembled, like the child she still was. “Do you . . . Do you love him anymore?”

“I love you. We both love you.”

“But . . . Do you still love him?”

Kelly looked away from her and then back. “I want to say that I do, so I won’t scare you. But that’s how I’ve behaved my whole life. Saying what other people want me to say instead of what I feel. And right now . . . Right now, I don’t . . . I don’t think I do.”

Ava started to cry again. Kelly stroked her hair, but she didn’t take back what she’d said. Tess observed it all and silently promised Wren that she’d do her best to keep things honest between them.

She made coffee and laced a cup of mint tea with honey for Ava so they could have some breathing room before they went home. Relinquishing their secrets to each other seemed to have brought them closer. They both held Wren, and Tess found herself telling them about Trav. It was nice being able to share that part of her past with them, even nicer to talk about Trav as she might speak of a once beloved childhood friend who’d moved far away.