Damien (Slater Brothers #5)(27)

“That wasn’t an answer,” she said, waggling her brows.

I shook my head, amused.

“Yeah, it’s about a man,” I said then clarified. “Two men, actually.”

“Two?” Ma whooped. “Gerrup ow’ da.”

I put down the knife, leaned my head back, and laughed until my sides hurt. She rarely spoke in slang, but when she did, it cracked me up.

“It’s not as excitin’ as it sounds,” I assured her, still chuckling. “It’s actually the complete opposite.”

“Tell me everythin’.”

I was glad my ma was the type of mother that I could tell everything to, and for that reason alone, it killed me even more that I was keeping my da’s affair from her. I told her everything, but I couldn’t bring myself to put that on her shoulders. I’d rather it be my burden to carry than hers.

“Ye’know Damien Slater, right?”

“The little shite who took your virginity then up and fled the country when you were eighteen?”

My lips quirked. “Yup.”

“What about ’im?”

“I told you that he came back from America not long before Jax was born,” I added. “Right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, what I haven’t told you is that he’s been tryin’ very hard to make up for what he did when we were kids. He’s been really nice to me and hasn’t done anythin’ to upset me. He’s given me space and has been an all-round gentleman.”

“But?”

“But.” I sighed. “I’m terrified that somethin’ bad will happen again if I let ’im in. The last time, we weren’t even a couple, and he really did a number on me. I’m scared that even bein’ just his friend will hurt because if he got with another woman ... it’d kill me.”

I couldn’t deny my romantic feelings for Damien anymore, not after the kiss we shared at his job. I knew that deep down I had always harboured feelings for him, but after we fell out and he left, my mind did everything possible to cover up those feelings. I guess I believed if I denied how I truly felt about him, then I would get over him.

That clearly hadn’t worked out too well.

“So, you don’t want to be Damien’s friend or anythin’ more because you’re scared of gettin’ hurt, but you also don’t want ’im to be with anyone else ... because that would also hurt you.”

I closed my eyes. “It sounds so stupid when you say it out loud.”

“It’s not stupid, hon,” Ma assured me as she wrapped her arm around my waist. “It’s just unfortunate that the person you care for is the person you’re also terrified can break you.”

I opened my eyes.

“I wish I could click me fingers and get over everythin’ ... it’s just so hard. A voice in the back of me head reminds me of how hurt I once was because of our actions when we were eighteen. What if I got over everythin’ and gave ’im a chance, and then everythin’ went wrong? I can’t imagine how much it’d hurt if I loved ’im and lost ’im. I get anxiety over it.”

“I understand that, and that worry is completely valid ... but it’s also no way to live your life. Worryin’ about somethin’ that may never happen is like takin’ a sip of poison each day. Nothin’ good will come from it. The only person you’ll be hurtin’ is yourself.”

“I know.” I nodded. “I know.”

“What about the other lad?” Ma asked as she reached down and smacked my behind.

I yelped as she went over and sat at the kitchen table.

“The other man.” I sighed. “Is Dante Collins.”

“Any relation to Aideen?”

“Oh, only ’er older brother.”

Ma whistled. “Well, you fucked up there, love.”

I shouldn’t have laughed, but I did.

“Want to know the worst part?” I quizzed. “I was with ’im in private, and no one knew about it except Dante’s brother Harley ’cause they’re each other’s soundboard, but everyone found out when I told Damien after he asked me out for lunch last week.”

“Oh, shite.”

“Oh shite is right.” I snorted. “I’m good with Aideen, though. I worked up the courage to speak to ’er about it this afternoon.”

“That’s good,” Ma said. “Why ’er older brother, though?”

“Well, Dante is exactly like Damien used to be. He doesn’t understand the word commitment, and he is way too handsome and charmin’ for his own good.” I continued to dice the food. “I wanted to see if I could have a purely physical relationship with ’im without developin’ an emotional attachment.”

“You did a sex test on the man?”

“Ma,” I groaned. “Don’t say it like that. You make it sound creepy.”

“Sorry.” She snorted. “Go on.”

“I just wanted to prove to meself that me age was the sole reason Damien affected me the way he did.”

“But you’re twenty-four now, and you still feel the same hurt over Damien, and the same attraction ... right?”

I grunted. “Right.”