DONOVAN (Gray Wolf Security, #1)(81)

“Oregon.”

I shot a look at Jack. “You know who he is?”

“I’ve read about him, just like the judge.”

“I had no clue. I thought he was just a high school teacher.”

“We can use that against him, you know. Argue that he lied to you about his identity. Maybe that would mar his character enough that the judge might consider home surveys and interviews with social workers. That would take time, give you more time with JT.”

I shook my head as I turned back to the window.

“How am I supposed to win this if even my lawyer has already accepted that JT going with this man is inevitable?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

Jack came up behind me and touched my shoulder. I didn’t want his touch. I didn’t want to be consoled. I wanted to go home and pack a handful of belongings and take JT a long way away from here.

I remember hearing my mom talk about this when they first brought JT home from the hospital. For the first six months of his life, his biological mother had the right to come and take him back. One night I couldn’t sleep and I went to my parents’ bedroom to ask if I could sleep between them, but then I heard my mom crying and I stopped outside the door where they couldn’t hear me.

What if she wants him back? What if she just shows up at the lawyer’s office and demands that we return him to her? What would we do then?

Those words haunted me. Having JT around those first few weeks was a novelty and I loved helping my mom dress him. But after I heard that, I was afraid to love him. I was afraid that if I loved him too much, they would take him away and my mom would fall back into the depression that left her lying in a dark room for weeks at a time before the adoption. I thought that it was my fault then and I was pretty sure it would be again. If I loved JT…I knew now that depression is a medical disorder. I know now that I had nothing to do with my mom’s depression. It was a chemical imbalance that was made worse by the series of miscarriages she had in the years after I was born. And I knew now that loving JT wouldn’t have caused him to leave. And that the grace period birth parents are allowed passed long ago.

But that irrational fear was still alive and well deep in my soul. And that part of me felt like this was my fault; that I was letting my mom down.

“I won’t let him take JT from me.”

I pulled away from Jack and left the room, strutting out of that courthouse like I knew what I was going to do. But I really didn’t.

I needed a new lawyer. I was already running through my finances as I rushed out of the building, trying to figure out what I’d have to do to come up with the money a decent lawyer would require. I didn’t hear him come up behind me, didn’t hear him calling my name until he grabbed my arm.

“Penny, can we talk about this?”

I spun around, my hands clutched into fists.

“I don’t know that we have anything to talk about, Mr. James. Or is it Philips?”

Much to his credit, a little bit of shame brought color to his cheeks. “I’m sorry I lied to you.”

“You didn’t just lie. You used me to get what you wanted. But I would guess that’s just what you do.”

His eyes narrowed slightly. “I’m not who you think I am.”

“I don’t know you at all.”

I turned and started to make my way down the rest of the steps in front of the courthouse. I could see his shadow as he followed me.

“I want to see him.”

I shook my head. “Not now.”

“Penny—“

“I have to tell him about this. I have to tell my fifteen-year old brother, who is still struggling with the deaths of our parents, that his English teacher is really some billionaire from Oregon who wants to rip him from the only home he has ever known because his mother lied to a lawyer sixteen years ago.” I glanced back at him. “I think that’s more than enough for one person for one night.”

Harrison inclined his head slightly. “Okay. But I want to see him soon. Tomorrow.”

“He has school.”

He grabbed my arm again. “There’s got to be a way we can work all this out. I don’t want to take him from you. I just want to be a part of his life.”

“Liar.” I jerked my arm from his grasp while moving into him, my finger pressed against his chest. “If you only wanted to be a part of his life, you would have told me who you were when you first arrived in town. You wouldn’t have taken that damn job, you wouldn’t have made threats and you wouldn’t have hidden your identity. You would have come straight to me, told me who you were, what happened all those years ago, and we would have talked about an arrangement. But you didn’t do any of that.”

“I handled it badly.”

“You lied!” I stared at him, the anger building so intensely in my chest that I could hardly catch my breath. “You lied and kept secrets and used me. Do you really think I could forgive that?”

“I thought I was doing what was right for JT.”

“What would be right for JT would be for you to disappear. The last thing he needs right now is some long-lost father coming back to turn his life upside down.”

“I don’t agree.” He leaned close to me so that he was less than a breath away from my lips. “You’re struggling, Penny. You barely have time to sleep let alone raise a fifteen year old boy. He’s unsupervised, running through town in the middle of the night, getting arrested for public intoxication, disappearing for hours at a time, sleeping through school. Do you really think that’s ideal? Do you really think you’re doing what’s best for him?”