Crush(23)

Everything in this small space was suddenly too bright and my heart was beating way too fast. I couldn’t be near him for one more minute because I knew if I was, I was going to launch myself at him and give him what I knew he’d take. And I couldn’t do that. I was here for a reason—to spy on Michael. Find out what he was up to, if anything.

With a quick pivot on my heels, I made the decision for him and turned and started for the door.

“Elle, don’t leave things like this between us,” he pleaded.

I had to.

Nothing had changed.

A quick f*ck wouldn’t make me feel any better tomorrow or change the fact that we had no future.

Realizing this, I thought I might just hate him.

But as soon as I left the room, left him, the hole in my heart told me I didn’t hate him.

Instead, it told me I would love him forever.





DAY 14





LOGAN


The pavement was wet as my feet pounded against it. I sprinted faster, arms working, fists flying up beside my body. Faster and faster I went, until my legs cramped and my stomach knotted, but that wasn’t enough to make me stop. I didn’t even falter. I just kept running.

The rain came down harder, but not hard enough to drown out the sound of her screams. They were everywhere.

I was running in the very early hours of the morning, trying to clear my head—to erase the nightmare I couldn’t seem to shake. It was so real. I had gone to her. Brought her back into my life. And then soon after she was in a dark place, alone and afraid. I saw the image of her frightened face, heard the sound of her shrilling screams, and felt her warm blood on my skin.

Running wasn’t erasing it—I could still see it.

Nothing was working.

I couldn’t shake it.

The haunting image surrounded me.

It was to my left.

To my right.

In front of me.

I just ran faster.

Miles and miles seemed to pass in mere minutes, but then my legs began to burn. I didn’t care. I kept going. The knot in my gut felt more like bricks. I didn’t care. I ran faster. But no matter how fast or how far I ran, it wasn’t going to change anything. Whether I was with her or without her, she could still be in danger, and I didn’t have a big enough army to save what my gramps would call my Helen of Troy.

Gasping for breath, I finally stopped.

Fuck, what had I done?

Was she with him?

No, I knew what she’d said last night was her way of coping with what I’d done to us. But knowing that didn’t stop the ache in my chest.

With my hands gripped around the back of my neck, I looked around, hoping to latch onto anything that would stop the constant noise in my head.

I couldn’t stand being without her.

The very early dawn created a purple haze that enveloped the surrounding area like a shroud. The sky was still dark. The air was thick and moist. And I could feel sweat running down the side of my face.

Flashing lights down at the waterfront caught my attention, and something about the situation drew me closer to the chaos.

An unwanted feeling I couldn’t shed.

Long strides brought me toward it. The closer I got, the louder the sounds became. The whoop of a chopper along the riverbank, the chatter of reporters, a Channel 7 news truck. It was utter madness for the early morning dawn.

“Stay behind the tape,” the cop said, pointing his flashlight at me.

Hey, I knew that cop.

“What’s going on?” I asked him, hoping he didn’t remember me from the night he introduced me to Blanchet, the she-devil DEA agent who coerced me into helping her bring down Patrick Flannigan.

Turned out that wasn’t all she wanted. She also wanted a lead on the source of the drugs that were hitting the streets of Boston in monstrous proportions. She’d tracked Flannigan and knew he wasn’t the kingpin in Boston’s cocaine operation, but he was still vital enough to hunt down. He had his hands in many illegal things, but drugs weren’t his most lucrative venture. Numbers and prostitution were more his game. What he didn’t know was that his son had upped their involvement in the drug market, and that was why they were both behind bars right now.

Blanchet had spoken to my gramps and gotten all she needed from him. Hence, my father was still a free man. She had yet to pull him in. And my hope was she wouldn’t.

“I said, stay back.” The bite in his tone wasn’t strong enough to indicate he recognized me.

Someone behind me spoke up. “A body was found. They think it’s been in the river for a while.”

Something told me I had to edge closer. Something else told me to keep running.

I watched the cop as his rubber boots squished along the mucky riverbank and then when he was out of sight, I maneuvered myself around the mob of people to where I could better see what was going on.

My sides were cramping; my skin felt tight, my throat dry. I needed water. My vision was slightly hazy and I had to squint to see that far, and finally I did.

Oh f*ck!

There it was.

A body.

A woman’s body.

My lungs were no longer burning, but still I felt myself gasping for air.

The body wasn’t just a body.

Inconspicuous in the brush, I took another step forward and heard my sneakers squish in the mud.