Counting Down with You(71)

“I can’t stand your parents,” Cora says, her teeth grinding together. “Why do they always prioritize their own wants and needs before yours?”

“They’re not bad people.” I sink deeper in my blankets. “They just grew up differently, so they have different expectations for me. I don’t like letting them down.”

“I know. I get it. We’re second-generation Americans, and they want us to succeed in the ways that they couldn’t,” Nandini says. “I get it, Karina. I really do. My parents are the same. But that doesn’t mean I have to live my life for them. You can respect your parents’ wishes without becoming a puppet.”

“They’re projecting onto you, and it isn’t fair,” Cora adds. “They’ve restricted every part of your life. They don’t give you any freedom. It’s not right. Ace is just one of a million things they won’t let you have. What about wanting to be an English major? You should be allowed to study what you want. It’s your life. Not theirs!”

“This isn’t a fairy tale,” I say. I wish it was. I wish with all my heart this was a fairy tale with a guaranteed happy ending. “I can’t miraculously claim back my freedom and then ride off into the sunset with the prince charming of my choice. You know it’s not that easy.”

“You’ve never even tried!” Cora says, throwing her hands up, her shopping bags rustling on her arms. “Karina, you can’t let them make all your choices for you.”

“Cora, calm down,” Nandini says, shaking her head. “Yelling at Karina isn’t going to help.” She looks back at me. “I know it’s hard, babe. You love your parents. But sometimes, it’s okay to put yourself first.”

“You know I can’t,” I say, my throat tight. “They’ll never talk to me again. They’ll take away all my freedom. I’ll never see you guys outside school, I’ll never be able to call or text you, I’ll never be able to do anything I want. The little independence I have will be taken from me, and they’ll never trust me again. They’ll be so disappointed, and I—” This conversation is making me nauseated. “Can we talk about literally anything else?”

“You can’t always just change the subject whenever—”

“Cora,” Nandini says pointedly. There are some things that Cora pushes that we wouldn’t. Things she does that we couldn’t. Nandini’s brown parents are more lenient than mine, but Cora’s father is a white guy from France. He met her mother, who’s Chinese, when she was studying abroad, and they fell in love. Both of her parents are super modern and liberal and support her in almost all her decisions.

She still has it hard in other ways, especially with her sexuality, but for the most part, her parents have never restrained her the way mine have. It makes conversations like this difficult, because even though Cora tries to understand and be empathetic, there’s only so much that fits with her own experiences.

I don’t blame her for it. I know she wants the best for me and that she loves me. It’s just hard to take her advice when our parents would react wildly different to us doing the exact same thing.

Cora looks between us and sighs. “Yes, we can change the subject. So what exactly did you and Ace do yesterday on your double date?”

I offer a small smile in thanks for not pursuing the subject, even though I can see she wants to. “It wasn’t a double date.”

“It was definitely a double date,” Nandini says. “This, I’ll let Cora grill you about all she wants. He invited you to go bowling with his sister and her girlfriend, Karina. That’s a double date.”

“Samir was there!”

“Yeah, and he was the strange fifth wheel.”

“Oh my God, you two are horrible,” I say, but the urge to hug them is stronger than ever.

At the top of my screen, another notification flashes. Another text from Ace.

I swipe up without looking and continue talking to Nandini and Cora late into the night. Before we hang up, we make solid plans for them to come over the next day since Ma has yet to revoke permission.

When I finally end the call, I have five missed texts from Ace.

I bite my lip, debating whether to click into them, before admitting defeat.

Alistair Clyde:
watching the great gatsby (aren’t u proud) and maybe I am rich...
Alistair Clyde:
also what are ur plans for today?
Alistair Clyde:
karina are u feeling ok?
Alistair Clyde:
did I do smth wrong?
Alistair Clyde:
hey. sorry if I did anything to make you upset or uncomfortable. pls at least let me know ur alright when u can
I groan loudly and shove my face into my pillow.

Dadu happens to walk by my door then, cracked open from when she brought me dinner. She stops and looks at me with raised eyebrows.

I shake my head, not having an answer to explain my predicament.

“Do you want to watch Beauty and the Beast?” she asks. She knows it’s my favorite childhood movie. “You don’t have school tomorrow since it’s spring break, right? So it’s okay to stay up late?”

Maybe my parents are making my life a psychological horror film, but at least my grandma is here.

“Yeah, Dadu, I’d love that,” I say, throwing my blanket off.

She smiles. “I just have to make one call and I’ll join you.”