Consumed (Firefighters #1)(54)

“Where’s his mom? She on her way?”

“Yeah. I called her.”

Danny looked at the closed door of the bay. There was a break in the interior curtains that had been pulled, and he could see a sliver of Chavez’s face, so pale, the eyes closed. His body was so big and muscular, it made the hospital bed seem like something a child would put in a dollhouse.

“Did you call the chief?” he asked.

“Captain Baker did.”

“Is he coming?”

“Yeah, so you might want to leave, right now.”

“I’m allowed to be here.”

“Suit yourself.”

Danny put his hands on his hips and debated the odds of an argument between him and Tom. Timing and place were bad, yet the alchemy for ugly was ripe. On that note: “Are we allowed to go in and see him?”

“They said it was okay. But nobody’s . . . well, you know. We’ve stayed out here. What do we say?”

Danny waded his way through the familiar bodies, then he knocked on the glass but didn’t wait for an invite. He went into the room and made sure the door shut behind him.

Chavez didn’t open his eyes. “Danny.”

That voice was nothing but a croak, and Danny did a quick scan of the monitors. Blood pressure was low, pulse low, oxygen sats down.

“How’d you know?” Danny crossed to the bed. “Mind reading again?”

“You smell like a pack of Marlboros.”

“Stop with the compliments. Mind if I pull up a chair?”

“Whatever you like.” The man turned his head, lifted his lids and seemed to struggle to focus. “And I could do with a cigarette.”

“I’d give you one if it wouldn’t get us both kicked out of here.”

“I should have told LaSalle three hours.”

Danny parked it close to the bedside and rubbed his face. He’d been debating how real to get and Chavez had answered that one. “So you’d plan this?”

“Maybe. And don’t pretend you haven’t considered it every now and again.”

“I won’t deny it.” Especially after John Thomas had been killed. “I mean, who hasn’t.”

Chavez exhaled. “This is why I can talk to you. Everyone else would preach at me and then call the psych ward.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I am preparing a very stirring rendition of the you’ve-got-so-much-to-live-for speech.”

“Spare me.”

Danny linked his hands and stared down at them. “How many times have you tried before now. And don’t lie.”

“Never.” Chavez put a heavy hand to his heart. “I swear.”

“So what did it? Seeing Anne?”

That dark head moved side to side on the pillow. “No. I was glad she was doing good, you know? I mean, I didn’t want her to get hurt, but you saved her-”

“So why you try to off yourself?”

“You no want to talk about your woman, huh.”

“She’s not mine.”

As they fell silent, the soft beeping of the machines filled the void.

“I got the HIV, Danny.”

Danny tried to catch his reaction before his expression changed. But the shock must have showed because the other man looked away.

“You can’t tell anyone. No one else knows.”

Danny cleared his throat. “It’s not a death sentence anymore. You have to know that-”

“I went to my annual physical for the department and they took a blood sample. I forgot all about it.” Chavez’s stare drifted to the far corner of the treatment bay. “But they called three days ago.”

“This doesn’t mean you can’t do your job.”

“It’s not just about work. It’s about . . . someone. I can’t tell her that I can’t be with her now. It’s losing her that I can’t deal with. I figured a good dose of H would do the trick, and I was right, or I would have been if I’d just told LaSalle to come a little later. Fucker is always on time.”

“Jesus, Chavez.”

“I worried that someone else would find me. You know . . . someone who might be upset.”

Danny thought back to Timeout’s best waitress. “How’d you get it, Emilio? Do you even know.”

The guy put both hands up to his face. “I shared steroid needles at my neighborhood gym. I shouldn’t have. It was fucking stupid. I mean, I’m a goddamn EMT. But it’s all guys I’ve known since high school, and compared to doing IV drugs, the risk was so low. Until it wasn’t.”

Everyone on the fire service needed to be in shape, and yeah, sure, some of the guys juiced to get bigger. It was what it was; Danny had never judged. And now, in a quick rush of paranoia, he thought about what he had done in the gym. No ’roids or hormone shots, for sure. And thank God he’d been religious about condoms, especially during the last ten months when he’d been making some questionable choices.

But he’d be a fool not to recognize that there but for the grace of God went he.

Chavez shut his eyes so tight, his lips curled off his teeth as if he were in pain. “And now, I don’t know who else I might have infected, you know? I’d have to tell them, and I can’t—I don’t want this, Danny. I can’t handle this.”