Confessions on the 7:45(71)

“Tell me everything, Selena,” said Beth. They sat at the kitchen table, the heart of any house. “Start from the beginning. All of it.”

She told her friend about the first time, the sexting, the Vegas incident, then how she’d moved the camera and caught Graham with Geneva. She told her about the woman on the train, about the late-night meeting, the texts she’d been receiving, all the things Detective Crowe had told her about why Graham really lost his job, about Geneva blackmailing the Tuckers. The dirty texts. About Will coming in for the rescue, her spending the night at his place. It all came out in a stream, Beth nodding, making all the right noises, reaching for her hand, giving Selena her unbroken attention.

“So, yeah,” said Selena when she was done. “That’s what’s been going on with me.”

“Why am I just hearing about all of this?” she said, incredulous. “Where were you keeping it?”

“Deep, deep inside,” she said. “Where we keep everything ugly, all the things we don’t want to broadcast, don’t want to deal with.”

Beth drained her wine, refilled both their glasses, gave a knowing nod. “I’ve been there. I know how much energy it takes to keep up a facade. How many years did I keep waiting for things to get better, rather than do what I needed to do? Get away from someone who was hurting me.”

Selena never once suspected that Beth and Scott weren’t happy—or happy enough. You learn pretty early in your adult life that few marriages are perfect. There are almost always secrets, negotiations between couples that no one outside the marriage would understand. Her sister, Marisol, endured her husband’s porn addiction, until he also developed a gambling addiction that almost ruined them financially. Only after she’d asked him to leave did she reveal the truth to Selena and their mother, Cora. Selena always thought the Tuckers looked so perfect, so happy and in love.

“Is it them or is it us?”

Selena looked at her friend, who was rubbing at her temples. She cocked her head in question.

“I mean—are some men just flawed by nature? Or do we enable their bad behavior, make it worse in a way because we hide it, and don’t demand better from them?”

“Maybe it’s some combination of both.”

“Because the women I know, they’re not creating damage in the lives of the people they’re supposed to love and protect. They’re not cheating, abusing, lying. Or worse.”

Or worse. Was it worse than she imagined? Was her husband a monster?

The wine was going down too fast. She couldn’t afford to get drunk, to not have a clear head going into the rest of the night. Selena pushed the glass away.

“What happened with you and Will?” asked Beth.

“Nothing,” she said. “He slept on the couch. The perfect gentleman.”

Beth circled a manicured fingertip around the rim of her glass.

“He still loves you.”

“No,” said Selena. “That’s ancient history.”

Beth gave her a look, and Selena offered an assenting nod. “Well, then, it’s ancient history for me.”

“But you went to him last night,” said Beth. “You could have come to my place.”

She shrugged. “I didn’t have to tell him why I was there. He already knew everything.”

“He must have loved it. Being the one to ride in to the rescue.”

Beth hadn’t much liked Will either.

“Remind me why you left him?”

That was a thing Beth did, made you say the thing she was thinking. But Selena wasn’t going to give it to her, though she knew what Beth was driving at.

“Because I met Graham, realized that I wanted different things from life than Will did.”

“So, you were perfectly happy until the night you met Graham.”

“No one’s perfectly happy.”

Beth leaned forward, tapped a finger on the table.

“He was possessive. Controlling,” she reminded Selena. “He always wanted to know where you were, who you were with. He monitored you, didn’t he? Bedtime. Exercise.”

“He helped me to be more disciplined. He—pushed me to be my best self.”

Beth smiled, shook her head. “He wanted to be your daddy.”

“He wanted to take care of me,” said Selena. “Maybe I should have let him. It would be better than this.”

She swept her hand around her dream kitchen, which now felt like a sound stage, propped up from behind, fake, one good push and it would all fall down.

“I’m just saying. Don’t go backward because you’re scared now, honey. Don’t rush into Will’s arms to get away from Graham.”

Few friends would dare to say something so bold, so nakedly true. Because that’s exactly what she wanted to do. And, even though she’d just denied it, she knew he was there waiting. It was a comfort to know that.

“We’ll get through this like all the other ugly,” Beth went on. “And when you come out the other side, you’ll be stronger.”

“If I come out the other side.”

“I’m here.” Beth leaned forward, laced her fingers through Selena’s, blue eyes blazing. “I’ll drag you through if I have to. Just like you dragged me out of the woods.”