Confessions on the 7:45(102)

A strange thing happened. She started to feel sorry for Selena.

“So what was it? Revenge? Just another way to hurt the father who abandoned you?” asked Hunter. “What was the game with the Murphy family? More money? To destroy their family?”

The question surprised Pearl, causing her a rare moment of self-reflection.

What was the reason? Was there just one?

At first maybe yes, revenge; she was just on a program of causing the most amount of pain.

There would have been a score most likely—if Selena hadn’t moved the camera and caught Gracie and Graham fucking. If Gracie hadn’t grown a conscience and kept threatening to pull the plug.

But it was so much more than that. When Pearl realized what Graham was—not just a cheater, but a monster—she wanted him punished. She wanted to liberate Selena, just like so many years ago she had liberated Cora. This was the ultimate long game, one that started over a decade earlier. She’d hovered, waiting for the perfect point of entry. The score? It wasn’t about money. It wasn’t really about revenge. She wasn’t like Pop.

It was about the truth. The truth like a wildfire that burned everything in its path. One that destroyed but also cleansed. And then from the ash, new life.

But Pearl didn’t have the patience to explain this to Hunter Ross. She suspected that he was the type of man who only saw things in black-and-white. What she did was wrong. He would never understand that it was right, too.

“Yes,” she said just to keep it simple. The call was going on too long. “That’s it. Revenge.”

And maybe deep down, it was that simple. That she didn’t want justice for Jaqueline Carson. Or punishment for Graham, the man who used and killed her. Or to free her half sister from the illusions of her life. That she didn’t care about anyone but herself, about anything but the games she was playing with people’s lives.

“I’d say you did what you set out to do,” he said. His voice sounded heavy with fatigue.

“I suppose I did.” She had a hollow feeling in her stomach, a familiar empty sadness. She breathed through it.

“So what’s next?”

“I disappear. Like I said, I’m done.”

“Until?”

“Until.”

Another leaden silence where she considered hanging up.

“So—may I ask the reason for your call?” he said finally.

Good question, whispered Pop. He was always just over her shoulder. What kind of a game are you running here?

“Closure,” she said. “For you, for me. You’re a rare breed. A good man who doesn’t give up until he finds the truth. One who cares and puts other people first. I like that about you.”

He issued a little chuckle. “Thank you for saying so.”

She told him where Pop and Bridget were buried. She’d moved the flag that marked the root cellar to mark the grave. It would be relatively easy to find. Pop, Charles, Bill, Jim, Chris, an abused child, a con, a grifter, a killer—he was a wanted man. Pearl wanted Hunter Ross to catch him, finally. So maybe then they both could rest.

She didn’t know if anyone was still looking for Bridget, but maybe now she could rest, too.

There was nothing left to say. He had all the answers she had to give.

“Goodbye, Mr. Ross. Thanks for never giving up on us.”

“Goodbye, Pearl.”

If she had her way, that was the last time anybody would call her that.

She ended the call, took the SIM card from the phone. In the bathroom, she flushed the card down the toilet, put the broken pieces of the phone in the trash.

Her flight was boarding. She stood on line and filed in the early group getting on the plane, finally settling into her first-class seat.

When she stepped off, she’d be someone else. Ben would be waiting for her. A good man, a faithful and loving one. Maybe she could never truly love him, or anyone. But she could try.

She’d told Ben that, now that her sister had died (overdose, of course—so sad), she wanted to travel, to see the world she had never been able to explore. He agreed. He was ready to take some time off of work, as well. He would leave his practice with his partner for a time. Later, they’d decide what to do, where to settle.

What a perfect way to start our new life together, he said. A fresh start, a clean slate for both of us.

Emily’s thoughts exactly.



FORTY-FIVE

Selena

I did you a favor. One day, you’ll see that.

A month after Pearl set fire to her father’s life, Cora saw the girl hovering again on the sidewalk by the oak where she’d seen her before. This time, instead of hesitating, Cora opened the door and went outside to meet her.

There was a moving van in the driveway, most of Cora’s possessions and the girls’ in boxes. They were moving out of the big house, into something smaller on the other side of town. Cora let Doug have the house; she couldn’t live in a place that was alive with memories, where the ghosts of every one of her broken dreams was hiding around each corner. Selena and Marisol were both off at school and Cora was alone for the first time in her adult life.

What do you want, Pearl? Cora asked when the girl approached. She looked older than the last time Cora saw her, more confident and poised, more polished.

I wanted to say I’m sorry.

This came as some surprise to Cora. You’re sorry.