Concrete Rose (The Hate U Give, #0)(79)

Silence again.

Ain’t no coming back from this one. I’m worse than she thought. I’m the thug her momma and her brother always make me out to be. I’ll be lucky if she ever look me in the eye again.

Minutes that seem like days pass.

Lisa fold her arms under her chest. “Why didn’t you do it?”

“I thought of my kids, my momma, and . . . and you. What it would do to y’all if I got caught or killed.” I close my eyes. Tears slip outta them. “I’m such a fucking coward.”

“No,” Lisa murmurs. “You sound like a man to me.”

I look at her. “How? That fool murdered Dre, Lisa. And what I do? I let him run away. What kinda justice is that?”

“It wouldn’t have been justice if you threw your life away to kill him.”

I almost laugh. “My life ain’t worth much. I just didn’t wanna put my babies through that. I know what it’s like not to have a father around.”

“So, you’re saying your kids deserve to have you?” Lisa asks.

“Straight up? They deserve better.”

Lisa take a deep breath and rub her little bump. “You know . . . I still believe in you, Maverick. I—we need you to believe in yourself.”

I look at her. “You do?”

“I do.”

It trip me out that she can say that after what I almost did tonight. It’s like Lisa see this version of me that nobody else do. This Maverick who ain’t worried ’bout the set or the streets, and who do something worthwhile with his life. I wanna be that dude. Not the one sitting in a prison, telling my kids that I got regrets.

I guess it’s like Mr. Wyatt says. The apple don’t fall far from the tree, but it can roll away from it. It simply need a little push.

I place my hand on Lisa’s stomach. It’s quivering again, like a fish swimming around in it. My lips turn up a little. “He real active tonight, huh?”

“Yeah, she is.”

I laugh and roll my eyes. “Yeah, a’ight.”

I rub her belly. Months ago, Dre told me the story of the first time he held Andreanna. He said he cried, ’cause she was stuck with him for a father. I understand that more every day.

He also said he wanted to be the father she deserved.

I think I get that now, too.

I got some things to handle.

Ma and Moe asleep on the couch where I left them.

Moe stretched out with her back against the arm of the sofa, and Ma cuddled up alongside her. Their arms tangled up like they fell asleep hugging. I grab the throw blanket from the recliner and lay it over them. Then I head to the bathroom and close the door behind me.

My drug stash should be under the cabinet where I left it. I get on my hands and knees, and I grab the Ziploc bag from behind the pipe. It’s full of smaller Ziplocs that have coke, crack, and weed in them.

I may not be shit, but there’s some shit I don’t wanna do anymore. Selling drugs at the top of that list. I’ll give this back to— Two loud knocks rattle the bathroom door.

They scare the shit outta me.

The Ziploc bag fall from my hands.

And land in the toilet.

Weed start to float around in the toilet bowl.

And some of the coke and crack rocks start to dissolve.

“Shit!” I hiss.

“Maverick?” Ma calls on the other side of the door. “You all right?”

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

I fake a moan. “Yeah. Give me a minute. My stomach kinda to’e up.”

“I keep telling you to eat more vegetables,” she says. “Don’t forget to spray. Other people use this bathroom besides you.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I say as I stick my hand in the toilet. Half the goddamn bag either floating or dissolving. I save what’s left and dry the Ziploc off with paper towels.

I can’t just walk outta here with it. I stick it in the front of my pants and pull my hoodie over it. God, please don’t let Ma notice.

I flush the toilet, sending half my stash swirling down the pipe, and I spray the air freshener. I open the door with the best smile I can manage. “My bad, Ma.”

“You’re fine,” she says.

We stare at each other. She raise her eyebrows.

“Oh, my bad.” I step aside and let her in.

I’m frozen outside the bathroom. I swear, my lungs done stopped working. Please God. Please, please, please don’t let her see anything.

The toilet flush again. The bathroom door open. Ma come out, wiping her hands with a paper towel. “Why are you still standing here?” she asks.

I breathe again. “Nothing. I wanted to say good night.”

“Oh, all right. You sure were gone a while. What took so long?”

“Lisa needed me,” I say, which is the truth. She still do.

“Is she okay. Is the baby—”

“Everything’s fine, Ma. You can go back to sleep.” I kiss her cheek. “Good night.”

“Good night, baby.”

I watch her go back to the living room. I’ll let her get her rest tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll tell her I can’t graduate. It’s time to own up to that.

I carefully open my bedroom door, so I don’t wake Seven. It don’t matter, he standing in his crib, sucking his pacifier. He see me and start bouncing, reaching his arms out.