Claiming Felicity (Ace Security #4)(22)
She closed her eyes and breathed hard through her nose, pressing her lips tightly together. Ryder got up on his knees and leaned into her. He ran his nose along her jawline. He heard her gasp in surprise, but she didn’t pull away from him.
He made his way up her jaw to her ear. He nuzzled it, then brought his lips up to the lobe. His tongue came out and lightly licked. When she jerked in surprise, but still didn’t pull away, and instead dropped her shoulder, giving him more room, Ryder grinned. He took the lobe between his lips and sucked.
She moaned, and one of her hands grabbed his forearm.
Wanting more, so much more, Ryder forced himself to loosen his lips. He brought them up to her ear and whispered, “I haven’t pushed. Haven’t told you how beautiful you are in your flannel pajamas and how much I love the smell of lilacs you dab onto your skin every morning. Haven’t broken into your bedroom to get to you when you have those nightmares every night. But I want to. I want that right.”
“Ryder,” she said softly, the yearning easy to hear in her voice.
He pulled back and looked into her ice-blue eyes. “I see you, love. You don’t have to be anyone but who you are with me. You don’t have to hide. You’ve hidden yourself from that asshole for so long, you’ve forgotten that you don’t have to keep the real you from your friends. From me. From the people who love you.”
He hadn’t come right out and said that he loved her, but the sentiment was there.
“I’m scared.”
He knew she didn’t mean scared of whoever was after her.
“You have nothing to be worried about.”
“I’m not like the woman you see.”
Ryder laughed. He couldn’t help it. When her brows drew down in irritation, he reined himself in. “Felicity, I know who you are.”
“You don’t,” she insisted.
“I know you hate green beans, but love peas. You hate working out, but you do it every morning because it’s what you think people expect from you. You can’t cook worth a darn, but it doesn’t stop you from trying. You love flowers, birds, and pastel colors, but you pretend you’re too tough for that shit. You have these tattoos on your arms to try to make yourself seem impenetrable, but then you cover them up with long-sleeve shirts when you go somewhere that you’ll be around people other than your friends. You love babies and want your own someday. I know you do your best to pretend like you like living like this, in a sterile and blank canvas without any pictures or decorations, but I have a feeling behind that bedroom door is the real Felicity Jones.”
She stared at him and swallowed hard before saying, “Felicity Jones doesn’t exist.”
“She does,” Ryder said softly. “She’s sitting right in front of me.”
Felicity shook her head. “No, she’s a figment of my imagination.”
“Listen to me,” Ryder ordered. “I don’t know what name you were given at birth, but the person sitting here in front of me, the person who I want more than anything I’ve ever wanted before in my life, is you. Felicity Jones might not be who you used to be, but she’s who you’ve become. Good or bad, our pasts are what they are. They shape and mold us. Can I be honest with you?”
A small smile appeared on her face. “Like you haven’t already been?”
He grinned back, then got serious. “I probably wouldn’t even have looked twice at the woman you used to be. She wouldn’t have interested me in the slightest. But Felicity Jones does. She has me wrapped around her little finger so tightly I’ll never be the same.”
He held her eyes, willing her to understand. To believe.
“Megan Parkins,” she whispered. “That’s who I used to be. Young and ready to take on the world. Then I butted into someone’s life. Tried to help her when she didn’t want my assistance. And it was the worst decision I’ve ever made. It ruined my life.”
Memorizing the name to give to his team, Ryder placed his hands on either side of Felicity’s head and speared his fingers into her short hair. “You could no more let someone get hurt on your watch than you could let one of Grace’s babies cry and not pick him up. And that decision you made ultimately led you to me. While I hate that you’ve been on your own for as long as you have, and that you don’t feel safe, I am infatuated with the person you are today. Felicity, Megan, Henrietta, or Michelle freaking Obama. I don’t care what you call yourself, the woman sitting here in front of me is who I want.”
He gave her a chance to protest. To push him away. But she did neither. Instead, her hands came up and clutched his T-shirt. Ryder leaned in, slowly, still giving her time to reject him. Reject his touch. But she licked her lips and leaned into him.
It had been a week since he’d last kissed her, but he remembered every second of that first kiss as if it had just happened. He hadn’t thought anything could top it, but he was wrong. This kiss was the best he’d ever experienced. Ryder had a feeling that every touch of his lips to hers would top the one before it. He wanted a lifetime of her taste on his lips.
Her head tilted, giving him more room, and he didn’t hesitate to take advantage. His tongue speared through her lips, tangling with hers, memorizing her feel and taste. One hand moved to her nape to hold her against him, and the other trailed down her body and came to rest on her breast, right over her heart. He didn’t grope her, merely wanted to feel the beat of her heart under his hand.