Claiming Felicity (Ace Security #4)(13)

Felicity looked horrified. “What?”

Ryder shrugged. “I was knocked down two ranks to private and was told that if I brought up the ‘incident’ again, I’d be dishonorably discharged. I was ashamed of losing control and didn’t want to have to tell my mom what had happened. So I dropped it.”

“Assholes.”

Ryder once again looked at Felicity in surprise.

“I mean, really?” she went on. “That guy totally deserved what he got. And I can’t believe your buddies didn’t do anything. I mean, they could’ve made up a story about how the guy attacked you or something. They knew what he was doing, and they let you take the fall. That’s not cool. And then not to go back and help poor Zariya . . . and get her out of there and to the States? And not to tell you what happened to her? After you saved her? Fuck. Maybe we can ask Alexis if she can find her. No, I know, she can ask that guy who’s been teaching her how to hack if he can track her down. She said that he’s got all sorts of military contacts. How old would she be now? Twenty-one? Twenty-two? I’m sure—”

Ryder put his hand over Felicity’s mouth and smiled at her. She glared up at him, sparks shooting out of her eyes.

“As fucking happy as I am to see an emotion in your eyes besides fear, love, I don’t want to find her.” He moved his hand away from her mouth, brushing the pad of his thumb along her bottom lip as he did. She opened her mouth to protest, and he quickly explained himself. “Iraq is a world away from here. The fact of the matter is that she was probably hustled out of there by her parents. They probably pawned her off on another man, just as old as the one I killed, as soon as they could. I hate it. So fucking much, but there’s nothing I can do.”

“But, Ryder . . .”

“No, love. My point in telling you that story wasn’t to distress you.”

“Then what was your point?” she asked, clearly disgruntled.

“That was the first man I killed, but it wasn’t the last.”

She was silent for a long moment before saying, “He deserved it.”

“He did.”

“And I bet the others did too.”

Her tone was matter-of-fact. It wasn’t a question. She wasn’t looking for verification of her statement, but he gave it to her nevertheless.

“They did.”

His job with Mountain Mercenaries had been a godsend. Exactly what he’d needed as an outlet for his bitterness and anger. He tracked down awful human beings who needed to be taken out . . . and he did what needed to be done. He wasn’t ashamed of what he did for a living, but he wasn’t exactly proud of it either. But if he wanted Felicity to trust him with her secrets, he needed to trust her with his own.

Felicity licked her lips, and Ryder wanted nothing more than to taste them. Taste her. But now wasn’t the time. He wanted everything from her before he’d let himself touch her.

The fear was back in her eyes as she said, “He’s powerful.”

Ryder knew who she was talking about. Whoever was after her. “I expected as much.”

“And rich. And used to getting what he wants.”

“Yeah, bullies usually are. Let me help protect you. Let me in.”

“I’m scared.”

To hear her admit it was everything. She’d hidden behind her tough exterior for a long time, so her admitting she was frightened was the first step toward her trusting him. Allowing herself to be vulnerable around him. Her words were a tiny crack in the impenetrable shell she’d worn for so long to protect herself.

“I know you are. And I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make sure you’re never scared again. But I need a name. Just a name for now, love.”

She loosened her hand from his for the first time, and as much as Ryder hated to let her go, he did. She needed her space, and he’d give it to her . . . but not too much. He didn’t move from her side. He moved his now free hand to her thigh and simply let the warmth from his body seep into hers.

If he wanted her to open up to him, it was only fair he did the same. He’d opened the door to his soul a crack with the story about Zariya, but he needed to throw it wide open. Let her know exactly who he was and why she could trust him. Why she should trust him.

“I was approached when I was back in the States at my Army base. I was doing some bullshit job as punishment when I was contacted by a man who said he’d heard about what happened and had investigated me. He said he needed someone like me, who wasn’t afraid to do what needed to be done, to join a special group. I was hesitant at first, but after going to Colorado Springs and meeting the other men who would be on the team, I agreed. He got me out of the rest of my Army commitment, I didn’t ask how, and I became a mercenary. I became a part of a close-knit group who went where we were told, when we were told. At first I wanted to know the details of every job I went on. Why the man I was hunting was bad. Why he needed to die. And every time a bit of my soul died when I learned why. Sex slavers, kidnappers, terrorists, stalkers, murderers . . . they were all bad men, love. Every single one. I had no problem killing them. After a while I stopped asking why. I trust my handler, Rex, that much.”

Felicity wasn’t looking at him now. Her head was turned, and he could see her pulse hammering in her throat. He forced himself to continue. She needed to accept his past. In order for them to work, she needed to come to terms with it. Just as he had long ago.