Children of the Fleet (Fleet School #1)(120)

“No sir, not compared to pretty much every other student in the school. But I was good enough for the job I had to do.”

“Well said. I spend my life doing things I was very bad at, starting out. So far, I’ve usually made myself skilled enough for the jobs I had to do. As long as you continue thinking and acting by that principle, your life will be worth something to you and, quite possibly, other human beings as well.”

“Am I dismissed, sir?”

“I assume that by ‘sir’ you mean, ‘My enemy’?”

“Yes, sir,” said Dabeet.

“Then yes, you are dismissed for now, my friend.”

Dabeet left the commandant’s quarters and managed to calm himself as he walked briskly back to the barracks that he shared with his friends. He was greeted warmly by the few who noticed him come in. They were all buzzing with the news that Robota Smirnova was the new commandant, and he gave them no hint that he already knew, or that he had spent fifteen minutes in a painful interview with the Minister of Colonization. It was better to let them tell him. It was comforting to know that they cared enough to tell him things.

Maybe making and keeping friends will always require me to think through the steps of it, the way I had to name what I was reaching for as I moved along the outside of the ship. Maybe it will never be natural for me, never reflexive, never easy. So be it. I can’t live without it, can’t accomplish anything without it, so I will become adequate at forcing myself, against my inclinations, to be a friend to my friends. If I’m good enough at it, they’ll never guess the effort that it requires.

In a day or two, we’ll stop talking about the raid, the explosion, the danger, the heroics, and the changes in the school. This will all become the new normal. But the new normal of Fleet School has a place for me in it. This is home now.