Charming Hannah (Big Sky #1)(35)

“I’ll go in with you.”

Before I can react, he’s jumped in with me in his arms, and I’m completely submerged in the water, kicking and swimming back to the surface. I immediately swim to the ladder and pull myself out of the water, on the verge of tears.

“There,” he says, still treading water. “Now you’re wet.”

“Get out of the lake please,” I say, my teeth chattering. Someone wraps a towel around my shoulders. I’m so scared, so angry, that I can’t see anything other than Brad pulling himself out of the water.

“Not cool, man,” Max mutters, but my eyes are pinned to Brad.

“What?” Brad asks. “I was just having fun with you.”

“I told you I didn’t want to swim.”

He cocks his head to the side, narrows his eyes, and props his hands on his hips. He’s not going to ask me questions in front of the others, which is a relief because I don’t want to have to explain in front of the others that he just took ten years off my life.

I climb the ladder to the top deck, and hear the engine roar to life, the boat pointed to the dock.

Great. They probably want to dump me off, and I don’t blame them. I’m such a downer! Not to mention, this is not the impression I wanted to give his parents.

What a mess.

“Hannah, will you please come inside with Jenna and me?” Grace calls. “We want coffees and need to use the bathroom.”

I sigh in relief, and climb down the ladder, not looking at Brad, and follow the girls into the house. When they head to the kitchen, I find the closest bathroom, close the door, and let myself have a meltdown.

Oh my God. I could have died. Not because of the swimming thing, but what if the electricity thing had happened again? And what if it happened when Brad was in the water and it killed him and I had to watch him die?

I can’t do this. I can’t do the relationship thing because he’s going to die eventually, whether that’s today or thirty years from now, and I just don’t think I’m relationship material.

At all.

I’m trying to calm myself down, but now the thought of losing Brad is stuck in my head, and my heart is beating so fast I’m pretty sure I’m having a heart attack.

I take a deep breath and stare at myself in the mirror. I look ridiculous with wet red hair, pale skin, scared eyes.

Why am I always so fucking scared?

There’s a knock at the door.

“Han, let me in.”

I close my eyes and pray for strength. Of course Brad would follow me.

I swallow, ignore my pounding heart, and wrap myself in strength I don’t have before opening the door and looking up at him.

“Hi. Sorry, I’m coming.”

I try to brush past him, but he grips my shoulders and gently pushes me back into the bathroom, shuts the door, and cages me in against the vanity, making me look him in the eyes.

“Talk to me.”

“About what?”

“You’re pissing me off, Hannah.”

“Yeah, well, that seems to be going around today. I need to get back to the girls.”

“Fuck that, you’re going to tell me what in the hell happened on that boat.”

“Well, I was thrown in the water against my will and my hair got wet. No means no, Brad. I figured the chief of police would understand that.”

His eyes narrow, and look a little hurt, and that just makes me feel guilty.

He didn’t deserve that, and I can’t look him in the eyes anymore.

“Bullshit,” he says at last and tips my chin up. “This isn’t about your hair. You’re lying to me, and you know how I feel about that.”

“Well, that’s the only answer you’re going to get.”

I push out of his arms and march for the door, but when I turn the knob, I pause, lowering my head in shame.

This isn’t who we are.

“I’m scared,” I whisper, then latch the door again and turn to face him. “I was so scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of the water.”

“You can swim.”

“You’re not listening to me.”

“I’m sorry.” He looks genuinely baffled, which I understand. I’m baffled by me all the time. “Tell me. Make me hear you.”

“I don’t give a shit about my hair. And of course I can swim. It’s not that I’m afraid of water, I’m afraid of this water. This lake.”

I step to him, needing him to understand.

“I’ve been terrified all day. Actually, I’ve been afraid since Grace mentioned that we’d be on the boat today. All I can think about is, someone is going to dive in and get electrocuted.”

“Oh, sweetheart.”

“I know you said that it’s okay, and I believe you. I know that you would never put anyone at risk, but I’m afraid of it anyway.”

“Why didn’t you just say something?”

“Because it’s ridiculous.” I feel a tear fall on my cheek, and I’m just mortified. “And I’m meeting your parents for the first time, and I want them to like me. I don’t want to feel different. I know that I’m safe with you, always, but I can’t get it out of my head. I do not want to be in that water. On the water? Fine, I can do that, but not in it. And it scared the shit out of me when you were in it because if something were to happen to you—”