Charming Hannah (Big Sky #1)(20)

“That’s quite chivalrous, and cave man, of you,” she says with a laugh. “I’m happy to splurge on some ice cream once in a while. I promise not to make a habit out of it.”

“Now you’re mocking me.”

I take the last bite of my cone and wipe my mouth with the napkin.

“Of course I am,” she agrees. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“It’s ridiculous for a man to take care of his woman?”

This makes her pause, as she eats the last of her ice cream as well, and then tucks her napkin in her back pocket.

“A couple of things,” she says at last. “First, I can, and do, take care of myself.”

“And what’s the other thing?”

“Who says I’m your woman?”

“Me.” We stop on the sidewalk and I turn her to face me, my hands gripping her shoulders. “I’m sure as fuck not sharing you with anyone.”

“Well, I didn’t suggest that either,” she says, shaking her head, then continues walking. About ten feet away, she looks back at me over her shoulder. “Are you coming?”

“That’s all you have to say?”

“You answered my question. But you need to know that I’m an independent woman, Brad. Not because I’m trying to prove anything to anyone, but because that’s just who I am. I don’t need to be saved.”

“Not trying to save you,” I reply reasonably. I’ve never wanted to fuck anyone so bad in my life. “Just letting you know that when we’re together, I’ll be buying you dinner.”

“And dessert, apparently.”

We’ve arrived at her house, but I don’t follow her up to her door. She walks back down to the bottom of the steps. “You don’t want to come in?”

“I do.” I cup her cheek and she leans into my touch. “So I’d better not.”

She looks disappointed, but nods. “I don’t have to be at the clinic until noon tomorrow,” she informs me. “In case you need anything.”

I lean in and cover her lips with mine, tasting the sweetness from the huckleberries and the cinnamon she just ate. Tasting her.

“Have a good night,” I murmur against her lips and turn to leave.

When I start my truck and drive away, she’s still standing on her sidewalk, her fingers on her lips, watching me go.

***

I’m in the water. I’m an excellent swimmer, but I can’t move. It’s like I’m trudging through wet cement. My legs are heavy, and I can’t get through the water fast enough.

I look up and see Kendall floating in the water, face down, just twenty feet away from me. If I can just get over to him, I might be able to save him. What’s he doing in the water?

Suddenly, I’m surrounded by floating bodies. My men. My sister and brother. Hannah. All just out of my reach.

I can’t save them.

The water is rising around me, no longer just around my legs, but up to my chest now. Then my chin, and over my head.

I’m completely submerged, my feet still held in the bottom of the lake. I look up and see faces staring down at me. Faces of those I love. Their eyes are wide open, glaring at me in accusation.

You didn’t even try to save us.

I’m fighting to swim. To dislodge my feet, but it’s no use. I can’t get free.

I wake up, sitting the bed, screaming. I’m covered in sweat, and Sadie is standing beside me, whining in worry.

I still can’t breathe. I tip my face up, gasping for air and trying to push the terror away.

I haven’t had an episode like this in over a year, but it’s not surprising after yesterday. The sadness is here again, but the guilt is gone.

There was nothing I could do about what happened. I couldn’t save him.

But my friend is hurting, and that makes me sad. A kid who had a bright future ahead of him is gone, and that’s the biggest tragedy of all.

I push my hands through my soaked hair, then pat the bed, inviting Sadie up. She’s not usually allowed on the bed, but I could use some companionship right now, and Hannah is clear across town.

Hannah.

She calmed me down yesterday. She seemed to understand, and I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone except my dad who could really understand what this part of the job is like.

She’s a special woman, and now that I have her in my life, I’m not going to fuck it up.

Sadie finally lays her head down to sleep, and I leave the bed for a shower. I’m gross, as if I’d been in the ring at the gym for an hour. Once clean, I put on clothes for the day and brew a cup of coffee.

It’s only four in the morning, but I’m up for the day. I’ll never go back to sleep now.

I want to go to Hannah’s and climb into bed with her, but she’s asleep, and we aren’t quite there yet. Soon, I hope.

Sadie pads out of the bedroom, her eyes sleepy.

“You don’t have to get up,” I tell her, but she sits next to me, always loyal. I let her outside and set some food down for her, which she appreciates when she comes back in. Finally, I sit in my living room with another cup of coffee and Sadie at my feet and wait for morning.

Four hours later, I walk into Drips & Sips and nod at Anna, the owner who happens to be working behind the counter today.