Broken Kingdom (Royal Hearts Academy #4)(60)

“I can’t.” I eye the restraints tied around my wrists. “I’m still tied up.”

The fact that he won’t even acknowledge me as he unties me, hurts like hell.

I mentally curse myself as I scan the floor for my clothes because me and my stupid big mouth just ruined everything between us.

And that’s when it occurs to me why he’s so mad.

It’s more than me reading his poems.

It’s because I stumbled upon something so personal to him.

Something that—for reasons I’ll never understand—humiliates him and makes him feel vulnerable.

And while there’s one secret that can’t ever leave my lips…

There’s also another, more sinister secret I’m keeping.

Something I never, ever want anyone to know because not only would they never understand…

They’d label me as sick and twisted.

And they’d be right, because what I did was wrong.

Even though my intentions were good.

My palms begin to sweat and my stomach churns with nerves.

Telling him will change everything between us, because there’s no way he won’t judge me.

But for some reason, I feel the need to give him this so he can see I’m willing to be vulnerable for him, too.

Even though I’m positive he’ll think I’m a disgusting mental case and want nothing to do with me afterward.

“Oakley,” I whisper.

My head is spinning so much I feel like I could pass out at any moment from the anxiety coursing through me.

He must hear the emotion in my voice because he stops tugging on his sweatpants and looks at me. “What?”

“My first kiss was with Liam.”

I regret the words the second they leave my mouth and I instinctively slap my hand over my lips, wanting nothing more than to suck them back in.

Oakley’s expression gives nothing away, and for some reason that only makes me want to elaborate, as if I can somehow fix what I said…even though it’s impossible to undo it.

“He was really upset while talking about our mom and the bullies at school and…” I draw my knees to my chest, attempting to shield myself. “He started saying stuff like how he’ll never get married, or have a girlfriend, or get kissed and I…I don’t know.” My voice cracks as tears blur my vision. “I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted him to know how much I loved him and try to fix it…but he got so angry with me. So fucking angry.” Bringing my hands up, I try to hide my face, my shame, my grief. “Three days later he killed himself.”

Because I crossed a line I never should have and made things weird between us.

And left him with no one to turn to.

My chest heaves as big, ugly tears roll down my cheeks.

I feel like I just ripped the scab off the deepest of scars and poured salt in the wound.

Making a fist, I punch my head, as if the action alone can quell the revulsion burning through my system. “I’m so disgusting. So. Fucking. Disg—”

Oakley’s hand wraps around my wrist.

And then he’s hauling me into his arms, hugging me so tight it steals all the air from my lungs.

“No, you’re not. Far from it.”

“Then you must not have heard what I said.”

“I heard every fucking word.” He locks my jaw in his hand. “You were just trying to ease his pain.” He frames my face in his hands. “That doesn’t make you disgusting. It makes you a good sister. A good sister who would do anything for someone she loves because underneath that tough, stubborn exterior…she has a huge heart.”

His words only make me cry harder.

Despite my fears about spilling my secrets, Oakley didn’t judge me.

Like always, he accepts my demons.

He runs his fingers up and down my naked back. “What happened between you two that day…it’s not why Liam killed himself.”

He doesn’t get it. “Yes, it is. He didn’t have anyone to talk to.”

Nowhere to turn.

“It’s not why,” Oakley argues. “Liam knew he had people who loved and cared about him. People he could go to.”

He’s wrong. Besides, Oakley didn’t become friends with Jace and Cole until after Liam passed—therefore, he has no right to make any kind of assessment about my brother because he didn’t fucking know him.

Irritation catches the back of my throat and I find myself glaring. “What the fuck makes you think you know anything about why my brother took his life?”

The look he shoots me is like a visceral punch. “My last memory of my mom was her riding some drug dealer for a bag of heroin before she drained my dad’s bank account and took off.” His expression falls. “I used to spend hours every day sitting by the door, wondering what I did wrong and why I wasn’t good enough to make her stay, yet still hoping like hell she’d come back to me…but she never did.” Sorrow floods his face. “She never will.”

And just like that, my heart stops cold.

“It’s her loss, Oakley. You know that, right?”

The selfish woman who walked out on her little boy missed watching him grow up to become an incredible man.

“Maybe.” The intensity of his gaze sears my soul. “Point is, I’ve been where Liam was, desperately searching for something to make it hurt a little less—and even though I know I can always turn to my dad, along with Jace, Cole, and Dylan…I don’t. Because someone else’s love will never be enough to get rid of your pain when you can’t manage to love yourself.” The tip of his thumb brushes the edge of my lip. “Liam didn’t die because of anything you did, baby girl. He’s gone because he couldn’t see past all the torment he held inside.”