Broken Beautiful Hearts(113)
Owen is awake and he’s mine. And he’s going to be around for a long time. That’s what my little voice is telling me, and I trust it again.
I strap on my athletic brace and tie my cleats. I jog onto the field, slow—not striker speed.
A dozen fourth-grade girls swarm me.
“Who’s starting?” one of them asks.
“I don’t know. Let’s look at the list. Whose turn is it?”
They crowd around my clipboard and read over my shoulder.
My knee still isn’t a hundred percent. It’s not even eighty. There’s no way I can play this season, but UNC let me defer until next year.
By then, I think my knee will be completely healed.
And if it’s not? I’ll figure something out.
I used to believe that everyone gets one perfect day sometime in their lives—if they were lucky. But I had it all wrong. We don’t get one perfect day. We get a lifetime of imperfect days, and it’s up to us to decide what we want to do with them.
Some days are hard, and they leave us feeling like we just got our asses kicked. That’s the way I felt after Reed pushed me and wrecked my knee—broken and battered, with a life that would never be as whole as the one I had before.
But broken and battered can become broken and beautiful.
I’m working on that part now, and I’m okay with it.
I’m not looking for a happily ever after.
I want a happily even after.
The kind of happiness you have to earn. The kind you find after a broken heart or an injured knee. After a mistake that feels impossible to fix.
It’s the even after part that matters.
I already have the happy part.
Author’s Note
THIS WAS A difficult book for me to write. It dredged up a lot of painful memories. At one point in my life, I found myself in a situation like Peyton experiences in Broken Beautiful Hearts. I was dating an athlete who had started doping and I had no idea. Like Peyton, I broke up with him as soon as I found out. And like Peyton, I paid a price when the guy flew into a rage.
My inner circle of friends believed me when I told them what happened. But the mutual friends my ex and I shared did not. He was protective of me and he always stepped in if a girl was in trouble. He was that guy. He also adored me and everyone knew it. People couldn’t believe he would hurt me. I must have just misinterpreted the situation … right?
Wrong.
I knew exactly what happened and I stuck to my story. But some people still didn’t believe me.
Looking back now, there are things I didn’t do that I should have done:
? I did not report the incident to the police.
? When my ex-boyfriend started stalking me, I didn’t file a restraining order because, like Peyton, I thought it was “just a piece of paper.” But a restraining order is more than that. Even if it can’t stop the person from hurting/stalking you, a restraining order establishes a pattern of behavior that might help you later.
? I also didn’t reach out for help.
If you are ever in a situation like this, please reach out for help. You deserve to be heard—and believed.
Resources
BREAK THE CYCLE
Break the Cycle inspires and supports young people ages 12–24 to build healthy relationships and create a culture without abuse.
https://www.breakthecycle.org/learn-about-dating-abuse
LOVEISRESPECT
Loveisrespect’s purpose is to engage, educate, and empower young people to prevent and end abusive relationships.
http://www.loveisrespect.org/
Text loveis to 22522*
Call 1-866-331-9474
THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
Operating around-the-clock, seven days a week, confidential, and free of cost, the National Domestic Violence Hotline provides lifesaving tools and immediate support to enable victims to find safety and live lives free of abuse.
http://www.thehotline.org/
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
RAINN
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline.
https://www.rainn.org/
1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Acknowledgments
This book would not exist without the support and hard work of these Beautiful people.
Jodi Reamer, my amazing literary agent—for listening to my crazy ideas and encouraging me to see where they lead, and shepherding my books into the world.
Erin Stein, my publisher and editor at Imprint—for pushing me to take chances in my novels instead of letting me play it safe. Your unwavering belief in my characters and my ability to bring their stories to life on the page keeps me going.
Natalie Sousa and Ellen Duda—for designing a book cover that exceeded my expectations and included a heart that doesn’t look cheesy.
Christine Ma, my copy editor—for catching my mistakes and for loving Owen from the first read.
The whole “Beautiful” Team at Imprint: Nicole Otto, Natalie Sousa, Ellen Duda, Jessica Chung, Rhoda Belleza, and John Morgan. And the “Beautiful” team at Macmillan: Jon Yaged, Angus Killick, Allison Verost, Molly Brouillette Ellis, Kelsey Marrujo, Kathryn Little, Ashley Woodfolk, Lucy Del Priore, Mariel Dawson, Julia Gardiner, Gaby Salpeter, Teresa Ferraiolo, Jennifer Gonzalez and her sales team, Melinda Ackell, and Raymond Ernesto Colón.