Brideshead Revisited(77)

The purser made a sensation, as sailors like to do, by predicting a storm. ‘How can you be so beastly?’ asked my wife, conveying the flattering suggestion that not only the cabin and the caviar, but the waves, too, were at his command. ‘Anyway, storms don’t affect a ship like this, do they?’

‘Might hold us back a bit.’

‘But it wouldn’t make us sick?’

‘Depends if you’re a good sailor. I’m always sick in storms, ever since I was a boy.’

‘I don’t believe it. He’s just being sadistic. Come over here, there’s something I want to show you.’

It was the latest photograph of her children. ‘Charles hasn’t even seen Caroline yet. Isn’t it thrilling for him?’

There were no friends of mine there, but I knew about a third of the party, and talked away civilly enough. An elderly woman said to me, ‘So you’re Charles. I feel I know you through and through, Celia’s talked so much about you.’

‘Through and through,’ I thought. ‘Through and through is a long way, madam. Can you indeed see into those dark places where my own eyes seek in vain to guide me? Can you tell me, dear Mrs Stuyvesant Oglander — if I am correct in thinking that is how I heard my wife speak of you — why it is that at this moment, while I talk to you, here, about my forthcoming exhibition, I am thinking all the time only of when Julia will come? Why can I talk like this to you, but not to her? Why have I already set her apart from humankind, and myself with her? What is going on in those secret places of my spirit with which you make so free? What is cooking, Mrs Stuyvesant Oglander?’

Still Julia did not come, and the noise of twenty people in that tiny room, which was so large that no one hired it, was the noise of a multitude.

Then I saw a curious thing. There was a little red-headed man whom no one seemed to know, a dowdy fellow quite unlike the general run of my wife’s guests; he had been standing by the caviar for twenty minutes eating as fast as a rabbit. Now he wiped his mouth with his handkerchief and, on the impulse apparently, leaned forward and dabbed the beak of the swan, removing the drop of water that had been swelling there and would soon have fallen. Then he looked round furtively to see if he had been observed, caught my eye, and giggled nervously.

‘Been wanting to do that for a long time,’ he said. ‘Bet you don’t know how many drops to the minute. I do, I counted.’

‘I’ve no idea.’

‘Guess. Tanner if you’re wrong; half a dollar if you’re right. That’s fair.’

‘Three,’ I said.

‘Coo, you’re a sharp one. Been counting ‘em yourself.’ But he showed no inclination to pay this debt. Instead he said: ‘How d’you figure this out. I’m an Englishman born and bred, but this is my first time on the Atlantic.’

‘You flew out perhaps?’

‘No, nor over it.’

‘Then I presume you went round the world and came across the Pacific.’

‘You are a sharp one and no mistake. I’ve made quite a bit getting into arguments over that one.’

‘What was your route?’ I asked, wishing to be agreeable.

‘Ah, that’d be telling. Well, I must skedaddle. So long.’

‘Charles, said my wife, ‘this is Mr Kramm, of Interastral Films.’

‘So you are Mr Charles Ryder,’ said Mr Kramm.

‘Yes.’

‘Well, well., well,’ he paused. I waited. ‘The purser here says we’re heading for dirty weather. What d’you know about that?’

‘Far less than the purser.’

‘Pardon me, Mr Ryder, I don’t quite get you.’

‘I mean I know less than the purser.’

‘Is that so? Well, well, well. I’ve enjoyed our talk very much. I hope that it will be the first of many.’

An Englishwoman said: ‘Oh, that swan! Six weeks in America has given me an absolute phobia of ice. Do tell me, how did it feel meeting Celia again after two years? I know I should feel indecently bridal. But Celia’s never quite got the orange blossom out of her hair, has she?’

Another woman said: ‘Isn’t it heaven saying good-bye and knowing we shall meet again in half an hour and go on meeting every half-hour for days?’

Our guests began to go, and each on leaving informed me of something my wife had promised to bring me to in the near future; it was the theme of the evening that we should all be seeing a lot of each other, that we had formed one of those molecular systems that physicists can illustrate. At last the swan was wheeled out, too, and I said to my wife, ‘Julia never came.’

‘No, she telephoned. I couldn’t hear what she said, there was such a noise going on — something about a dress. Quite lucky really, there wasn’t room for a cat. It was a lovely party, wasn’t it? Did you hate it very much? You behaved beautifully and looked so distinguished. Who was your red-haired chum?’

‘No chum of mine.’

‘How very peculiar! Did you say anything to Mr Kramm about working in Hollywood?’

‘Of course not.’

‘Oh, Charles, you are a worry to me. It’s not enough just stand about looking distinguished and a martyr for Art. Let’s go to dinner. We’re at the. Captain’s table. I don’t suppose he’ll dine down tonight, but it’s polite to be fairly punctual.’