Blazed(49)

I didn't know how the hell to react. She wasn't helping matters by looking so ashamed. "Why the hell didn't you tell me Henry and Ivy are your parents?"

"You didn't ask?" The obtuse retort pissed me off. If she could be so honest about everything else, why was this such a big secret? Did she think I'd start trying to chip away at her hidden fortune? Didn't she f*cking know me at all? "You know enough about my family to know that I'm not an active member. If it doesn't matter to me, it shouldn't matter to you."

But it did. It mattered a lot because she was the daughter of a man I respected deeply. Hell, if I'd have known, I'd have proposed properly so he didn't feel like his dear daughter had been short changed. I would have asked his god damn permission like a gentleman. I owed him that for all the times he'd helped me.

And that was when it clicked. Henry was always happy to help me, and this time, I needed help to make his little girl happy for the rest of her life. He had the power to do things I'd struggle to do— make plans I couldn't even dream of concocting. He could be my greatest ally, and he could help me set this right.

"You're right." I grabbed Emmeline's hands and pulled her up to her feet, wrapping her arms around my neck so I could kiss her. She was worth all that I would have to do, and she was worth it to Henry too. The first little while would be tough while I was forced to keep her at arm's length, but after that, she'd always be happy because I'd make sure of it. I'd devote my life to it. "So if you don't mind, I'm going to go and find out if you come with a dowry."

"What? Hey!" Feeling lighter already, I took our plates from the approaching waiter and rejoined the Tudors and Esme, putting Emmeline's down in between Esme and Ivy so she could eat while I spoke to Henry. She needed that energy even more now— I would be flaming for her when I got her alone.

"Henry, old boy. I believe it's customary for me to seek your blessing. Let's take a walk."



WE walked down to the trellis at the bottom of the hotel's garden before I braced myself the way I always did before I begged a favour from Henry. This had to be by far the biggest ask I had for him, and I technically owed him thousands.

"You had no idea, did you?" He shocked me by talking first, reaching up to one of the honeysuckle blossoms. "You thought she was just a broken girl you picked up from the gutters and turned into a queen. Your queen."

"She was already a queen, I just helped her see it." Nodding, he turned back to me, brow arched expectantly. The man could read me so well— he knew there was more. "Henry," I rasped, hands balling into fists at my sides, "I want to be upfront with you. I love your daughter and I'd love nothing more than to marry her with your blessing. But there are things that stop me. Things nobody knows."

He listened patiently while I told him about the side of my life nobody save— the part that forced me to keep my distance from Emmeline. I explained how Natasha had been diagnosed just as we were due to head out on tour and considered being with me her dying wish. I explained how we married in secret quickly so I'd get everything when I was gone— my reward for humouring her when she knew how much I'd be sacrificing. And I explained why the situation was particularly bothersome— the lies and the betrayal that meant I deserved my life back with what I'd earned. When I finished, he nodded and looked out across the room to the table where the women in his life sat.

"So what exactly is it you're after, son? My blessing to carry on keeping secrets from my daughter, or my help so you can live happily ever after?"

"Both. But right now, mostly the help." Bowing my head, I stepped back and paced the grass restlessly. "I've played it over a thousand times in my head and I see no way out. I can't lose Emmeline now I've found her. But I've paid my dues, six years of them."

Henry's hand clapped down on my shoulder. It was a gesture that provoked a sigh of relief. I knew that his brutal refusal came with a handshake. He was on my side. "It's a tricky one, but I'll help you, son. Anything to keep that smile on her face."

"And in the meantime?"

He frowned. "Tell her the truth, but I suggest you word it very carefully. One wrong syllable and she'll go down like a lead balloon. Otherwise, welcome to the family."

His acceptance made me push out a breath I didn't realise I'd been holding. "You're sure that you're alright with this?"

"All is fair in love and war, young man. All manner of philandering, foul play and truth stretching is fair game. You did what you thought was right at the time, and retrospect is a bitch. Just keep Emmeline out of this. She doesn't need to know the ugly details."

A massive weight lifted off my shoulders. Like always, Henry would save me from trouble and make my dreams come true. Maybe this time I could repay him by making that beautiful daughter of his happy for the rest of her life after she'd been miserable for so long. It might just be enough his time and effort to see her happy.



BUT when we turned back to the terrace, she was gone. We exchanged confused glances before I ran back up to the dining room and searched inside, hoping that Emmeline was there with Ivy and Esme. But nothing. Dread took over again. When she always worried that I'd never come back, it was me that worried she wouldn't wait. All the men she took home in my absence, the way she didn't chase me... I never really believed that I was enough. Now I had my proof.

"I swear, Dad, I have no idea where they went!" Tallulah's grating bleat pulled me back out to the terrace, where Henry stood over his eldest daughter looking enraged. He didn't need to utilise years of learning her mannerisms to know that she was lying because it was written all over her face. In fact, she looked downright smug. "She just took off without touching her breakfast. Nothing new there. Oh, I lie," she turned her pig-eyed gaze on me and nodded down at the scrambled eggs still piping steam. "She did touch it. Your ring is in there somewhere."

"What?" Without forethought, I bolted over to the table and saw the emerald glinting up at me. "When did they go?"

"About five minutes ago." Tallulah turned back to the magazine she was reading and refused to look up. "She said something about telling you to go f*ck yourself and your complications."



I didn't understand. All she knew was that my time for her was tight. I loved her— I gave her a god damn ring so she knew. If it was too much, she should have said at the time instead of letting me announce it to the world.

I'd find out what the hell I'd done wrong, if it meant following her through hell and back. If we were over, just like that, I at least deserved a chance to make it right. I needed it so I wouldn't let the confusion kill me. She made me crazy enough to take that path if I had to live without her. She was the only reason I had to get away from my f*cking wife. Without her, I was a sucker, waiting and hating myself for it.

Emmeline White was my reason 'why' to stop thinking about the 'why not', and I wasn't going to give her up without a fight, even if I did have to spend six days sleeping in my car and stewing before I could get close enough to get my explanation.

She was mine. No matter what.





Sixteen





WHEN I WAS young, my parents had me fairly effectively shielded from disappointment and grief. Neither of them were particularly close to their families, so I never really mourned the deaths of relatives. I never had pets, so our garden wasn't pathed like an animal cemetery. And unlike so many other children on the playground, I was never encouraged to follow a fantastical illusion of characters such as Santa Claus or The Tooth Fairy. Hell, we weren't even religious, so there was never any sources of false hope to be shredded down.

My first taste of negativity didn't come until I was a teenager and I was thrown into the throes of the testosterone fuelled rejection temple of doom that was secondary school, and even then I was prepared for it. Hope for nothing, my mother had told me since the day I had enough cognition to see 'the bigger picture', hope for nothing so that's all you expect, and anything beyond is a bonus. Of course, my mother was so painfully cynical it should have been illegal, and didn't believe for a minute that the 'beyond' was either genuine or indeed in existence. You find your partner, you marry, you mate and then you die— there were no bonuses. She was just insistent that everyone died after a lengthy time spent on one side of an ampersand and put in his and hers grave plots. By her reckoning, every person was born with half of them missing, and if you hadn't found that other half of yourself by the time they laid you in the ground, you'd failed at life. On reflection, it's no wonder I turned out so jaded.

When Hunter became a big deal in my life, I very quickly learnt that petulance, delusion and denial could be both very good friends and very good weapons. I pretended that my heart didn't flutter when he was around and I always had a snarky comment hidden up my sleeve for any kind of speculation, no matter which direction it came from. If I believed the lie enough, it was true to me and that was all that mattered. I'd made it this long using those three tools to fool myself into thinking I didn't miss him when I really did and that I had a shot with him when I really didn't, and that proved how well they worked.