Bitter Oath (New Atlantis)(33)
Those two girls were rude, ignorant and unwilling to take guidance. They had been the cause of the resignations of two governesses before Lizzie. However, for all the evidence to the contrary, Mrs Peabody continued to claim it was never her girls’ fault. They were simply high spirited, or unjustly blamed for other’s actions. Her daughters were angels.
Nor was her husband’s drunkenness, gambling, or philandering, it now transpires, his fault. Someone else was always to blame. Such denial was so deeply entrenched; Lizzie doubted the woman would believe it, even if she walked into a room where her husband was holding down a screaming girl, and having his violent way with her.
So Lizzie would take her reference and her month’s wages in advance because there was no other choice. Even if she had the strength, she could not hope to wage the kind of war required to right this wrong. She must make the best of it, which was all that was left for her to do.
‘I make such a promise, and will leave immediately,’ she said in defeat.
The harsh features softened slightly; now that Mrs Peabody had been reassured her world was safe once more. ‘See that you do then. I will have your reference sent on to you. And Manning will have your wages at the door when you leave. I am disappointed in you, Miss Faulkner. You came to us highly recommended. It is a pity that your character is so flawed, because your mind is very acute.’
Magnanimously, Mrs Peabody drew a letter from her pocket, and threw it onto the desk top. ‘That came in the post for you this morning. It is from the Americas. I hope, for your sake, it is good news. You are dismissed.’
Frowning cautiously, Lizzie took the letter up, and turned it over to see the sender’s name. Her heart lifted for the first time that terrible day. Bertie! It was a letter from Bertie!
Lizzie hadn’t heard from her brother for years. Not since he left home when she was fifteen to take passage to America. There had been bad blood between her father and Bertie back then, which explained the silence. However, she had expected to hear from her only sibling when the news of her parent’s death reached him.
That death was more than a year gone, and she had just about given up on ever hearing from her brother again. Now, when her need was at its greatest, a letter had arrived. She couldn’t wait to open it.
Hastily, she made her exit, and hurried up to her tiny bedroom on the second floor. No bigger than a cupboard, containing just a small cot and set of drawers, it had been her only refuge during the terrible year that she had spent with the Peabody’s. Not that all of her misery was their fault, she acknowledged. She prided herself on being fair. No, the bulk of her misery, especially in the early months, was the grief over the death of her parents. And, as the pain of that loss passed slowly, the disappointment at her lost education had replaced it. Only then did the Master’s unwanted attentions begin to terrify her, and drive out all other distress.
She had been at Girton College at Cambridge, just into her second year, when the terrible news of the train crash in Yorkshire had changed her life. The tragic accident had taken place on Christmas Eve 1910, as her parents were making their way back from Carlisle in time to spend Christmas with her. They never arrived. And while she drowned in the grief, more bad news had followed fast on its heels. Her parents were in debt, so their solicitor told her. It would take the sale of all their holdings and chattels to clear that debt. There would be nothing left for her upkeep or her continued education. She would be forced to seek employment to support herself.
Lizzie had not even turned twenty when she found herself alone and destitute. And like her favourite heroine, Jane Eyre, she had been determined to make her way in the harsh world unaided. Like her heroine, she had advertised for a position as a governess, and found such a position with the Peabody household quickly. However, fact was not as uplifting as fiction, and Mr Peabody was no Mr Rochester. And instead of finding love and a happy-ever-after, she found fear, pain and humiliation. Furthermore, as an unmarried mother, she could only expect worse to come.
She sat down on her neatly made bed and, with shaking hands, began to open the letter. The big, elongated script she knew well greeted her like an old friend. With the first words, she felt a smile lift her tightly drawn lips.
21/332 175th Street,
Queens, New York, NY
March 2, 1912
My dearest Sis,
I have just received a message from our parent’s solicitors advising me of their death and the dissolution of their estate. They have made me aware of your dire circumstances, and it grieves me to know that you have been forced to go through so much pain alone and unsupported.
It has taken them over a year to track me down, and for that alone I beg your forgiveness. My wife Catherine often informs me that I am a selfish sort, and it is in moments like this I realise she is correct. I must admit to having not given you or our parents much more than a passing thought in the six years since I left home. My life has been full, and not always congenial, and so I have been occupied with those matters close to home over these years. I never thought to contact you or mother, and let you know where I was, or that I was even alive.
You will be pleased to know, I hope, that I have a family of my own now. Catherine gave birth to a daughter, Mary Louise, on January 20th of this year. Both mother and child are doing well. I manage Catherine’s father’s large general store here in Queens, and I am kept busy with the demands of work and family.
We would like to invite you to join us here in New York, Sis. I cannot hope to make up for the last year you have spent alone, but I will try to right my wrongs. Come and live with us. Catherine is in need of feminine companionship, as her own dear mother died when she was very young, and she has no sisters or close female relatives. You can continue your education, if that is your wish. You were always much brighter than I, as I was constantly reminded by our father. However, what I lack in wit, I have made up for with hard work, and I am well pleased with the life I have carved out for myself here.
I have taken the liberty of wiring to the Western Union Office in London the sum of $100, which should provide you with sufficient funds for a Second Class berth on a steamer to New York, as well as extras for the journey. Please let me know of your arrangements, and I will be at the docks to meet you.
I cannot say often enough how sorry I am for my part in your travail in the last year. To be so young, destitute and alone during your time of grief is more than I can bear to think about. However, if you join us here, Catherine, Mary and I will be your family, and you will never be alone again.
Your loving brother
Bertie
Lizzie wasn’t aware that she was crying until she felt the cold drops fall onto her hands. It was a dream-come-true. Bertie wanted her to come to New York and live with him and his new family. She would be able to continue her education after all.
Then the awful reality of her situation hit her anew. She was with child. She was unmarried and with child. There would be no further education for her. In the coming months, all her time would be occupied by the demands of motherhood. And even if she were to finish her degree, working was frowned on for those who held the important role of mother.
What would her brother think when he found out she was a fallen woman? Would he renege on his offer because her moral character would infect his females? If Bertie had been like their father, he would react in exactly that way. However, Bertie had always been rebellious and a free thinker. That was why America had seemed such a perfect place for him to go. Maybe that free thinking would extend to acceptance of a dishonoured sister.
Or maybe not.
What if she were to write and tell him she was a widow? She could claim to have married a young man who subsequently died. But her brother named her as Elizabeth Faulkner with her employer’s address on the envelope of his letter. How could she then tell him such a tale if her parent’s solicitors had told him different?
Even so, the more she thought about it, the more determined she was that possessing a dead husband was the only way that she would be able to navigate her new circumstances. The idea of lying to her brother was repellent, but the idea of him rejecting her was even more repellent. And in America there would be no one to say she had lied. She could start afresh as a young widow doubly weighed down by the grief at the loss of parents and husband.
A hundred dollars awaited her at the Western Union. That was about twenty pounds, if she calculated rightly. That would be more than enough for a second-class ticket and the cost of accommodation in a nice place for the time it took to get a suitable steamer berth. For the first time in more than a year, Lizzie felt as if her life was finally looking up.