Beyond a Darkened Shore(19)

I grabbed hold of my father’s mind, and his shock and outrage spewed forth a torrent of memories that washed over me: the Morrigan on a battlefield, standing naked before áthair, a murder of crows flying above them.

There will come a day, the Morrigan said in her terrible voice, when your own blood will join forces with your enemy.

He struggled against my hold on his mind, but I delved deeper until the thought he’d been trying to hide from me surfaced: the image of myself standing before him on the throne, telling him of the Morrigan’s vision, and áthair, hearing the echo of the Morrigan’s warning all those years ago.

I shoved him back into his throne. “You knew the Morrigan’s vision was true.” The horror of that shook me enough that my mental grip on him weakened.

áthair fought anew until he was able to wrench free of my hold. He gripped his head in his hands, and I knew he was in agony—taking control of someone by force could have that effect. I took a step forward as though I could help him, desperate to undo what I’d just done. “áthair, I—”

“You dare turn on me like a mad dog?” His voice was gruff with pain but also anger. The fury rolled off him like black smoke.

“I just wanted you to understand. You have to listen to me—”

“Your mother always said I was wrong to train you after what you did to her.”

I flinched like I’d been struck. We never spoke of that day. It made me feel sick to be reminded of it after doing the same to áthair. He stood, and again I reached out as if to steady him, but his words stopped me.

“She was right. You are an abomination, a monster who threatens her own family.” His eyes leveled on me, remorseless. “You leave me with no choice, despite the terrible loss of you as a warrior. But I can no longer fear who you will turn on next.”

His words hung heavily in the air, and I took a step back in horror when I realized who he was implying: my sisters.

“I want you to leave. There are convents far from here—the kingdoms of Connacht or Munster on the other side of éirinn. They will take you in. Go there, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

I held on to my swelling rage; I knew once I took a moment to absorb my father’s words that I would face endless despair. Exile! I thought again of Branna and Deirdre, of my clansmen, and the kingdom of Mide. The Morrigan had said I had the ability to save them. I couldn’t let anything stand in my way. Not even my own father.

I did the only thing I could do: I turned and ran.

No one tried to stop me as I flew out of the castle, angrily brushing away the tears that fell unchecked from my eyes. I had broken the one rule I’d vowed to always uphold: to never use my abilities on a member of our family. Certainly not him. Never him.

“I am a monster,” I whispered to myself.

I had always been a monster in his eyes. But I would gladly be a monster if it meant saving my sisters.

Banishment. Exile. I never thought I’d hear those words directed toward me, and as the initial anger slowly abated, I had the strongest urge to run back to the castle and beg his forgiveness. The mere thought of having to leave the kingdom and not see my sisters again was so devastating I let out a cry of pain. It didn’t matter that I was the princess. áthair was known for his quick temper, and many clansmen who had committed far lesser crimes had been exiled before. My particular crime subjected me to both Brehon Law, the law all kingdoms obeyed, and the Church. I wouldn’t be brought before a tribunal of judges, though—no, my father had already issued my punishment. As soon as he had recovered from my attack on him, he’d send his guards after me to escort me out of the kingdom.

There was only one place I could go . . . to the Northman.

And then what? I demanded of myself. Even if he knew of the invaders to our land, what would I do? Ask him to join me in exile?

I let out a noise that was disgust and frustration in one.

If I wanted the prisoner to answer me, it was in my best interest to bring him the food he demanded. There wouldn’t be time to force the information from him, no matter how desperate I was.

It was easy enough to retrieve bread and cheese from the larder, as well as a flagon of water, but I ground my teeth when I found a massive cauldron of fish stew bubbling over a fire. How I would hate the look of triumph on the Northman’s face when I brought him exactly what he had asked for.

I was as nervous as a hare that scented the fox as I hurried back through the bailey with my parcels of food. I couldn’t be detained. Lying was not my strength, and I was short on daylight.

A shock of red hair drew my attention as I made my way to the stockade. The Lord had mercy on me. It was Fergus and not Conall, for obviously it was he who had told my father about the prisoner. I should have anticipated it, really. Conall’s loyalties above all were to his king. I shouldn’t have expected him to keep silent on something like a captured Northman prisoner.

Fergus hailed me, one hand raised. “I was just coming to find you, milady. I checked on the prisoner not long ago, and he seemed to be asleep. Pity, that.”

I tried not to dance in place. I was desperate to continue on my way, but running off now would only make him suspicious. “Thank you, Fergus. I’m sorry to have left you at the foot of the trail for so long. áthair summoned me the moment he returned.”

“And I apologize for having to leave my post, but the king will want to see me.”