Betrayed(18)

He kissed the tips of her fingers. “But you are.”

She felt close to tears. “Why are you talking like this? You’re spoiling things.”

“I wouldn’t spoil anything.”

His fingers found the apex of her legs and touched the thin lace of her panties. Kat opened her eyes and realised with some surprise that he was as sensitively charged as she was.

His fingers were inside her panties, moving gently, finding a way through folds of skin, pushing deep into her. Kat shook uncontrollably. She was exceptionally wet. He would realise how much she wanted him.

This shouldn’t be happening. She pulled away. “I never meant for things to go this far,” she said stupidly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

God! What had she done now? This was twice. He must think terrible things of her. Was she a deliberate tease? She’d never thought of herself as a tease. She desperately hoped he didn’t think so. She didn’t mean to be, yet she couldn’t go through with it.

Rafael straightened.

She groped for the top of the bathrobe and pulled it to, and tried to keep her voice even. “It’s not your fault,” she said awkwardly. “I’m to blame. I should’ve stopped us earlier.”

He wasn’t angry, as she expected, just the opposite. He said, “You’re not well. I was stupid to let it go this far. I’m sorry.”

Kat opened her mouth then clamped her jaw shut again. She could have dealt with anger, but not compassion. She couldn’t cope with kindness, didn’t want understanding, she wanted fury. She could fight fury.

“It won’t be long, Kat,” he said gently. “It’s buried, it’s there. I can wait as long as you wish.”

“Even I don’t know what I want,” she said shakily.

Rafael released her. “I don’t think you know the kind of woman you are do you?”

“Oh I know that all right.” Kat knew exactly what she was, and it made her sick. She clutched the robe to her breasts. Rafael reached out a hand to support her. “Don’t,” she stammered, and snatched her hand away. “Just don’t touch me.”

“I only wanted to help.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Look!” he said awkwardly. “I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened. I accept the blame. It won’t happen again unless you want. I promise.”

There was something vulnerable about him now. She’d done this to him. All the men around her got hurt in the end. She was her mother’s daughter, all right.

How could she explain? His closeness made her crazy, or did she make herself crazy? She had to drive the demons away somehow, and do it soon.

“And I’m sorry too, Rafael,” she said miserably. “It isn’t you, it’s me. It’s always been me. I put a curse on everyone I get involved with. I’ve already done it to you once. I’ve always been like this, I always will be and that’s all there is to it.”

“That’s utter rubbish.”

“It’s something I’ve known about forever.”

He said softly, “What is it that you think so terrible?”

“It’s from when I was little… Let it go,” she said. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“I can’t let it go, Kat,” he said carefully. “Not now. Try me.”

Kat gulped. “Mum, dad, me. Let’s just say that once I didn’t understand then I did… Leave it at that. Just accept I have a problem. It’s something only I can deal with.”

“And are you dealing with it?”

She shook her head and buried herself in his arms. Why she’d told him as much she had, she didn’t know. It wasn’t as if it made her feel better, just foolish.

“I don’t know what it is, but it sounds as though you’re putting yourself through hell.”

His arms were safe and enveloping, no threat. He held her for an age, rocking comfortingly.

She began to feel calm, yet seemed to want him even more. She understood then, that it was too late to turn back. She pushed herself to her knees, slipped her panties off then opened her robe wide because she knew he liked to look at her. She threw the robe to one side. She knelt over him with her knees straddling his belly, her legs wide.

“Katrina…” he whispered.

She said, “Don’t speak.” She was close to tears again; she mustn’t cry, not now.

“Kat, are you sure about this?”

“And please don’t say things you don’t mean.”

“I won’t.”

“Just understand that I can’t give anything more. No promises. No future. No strings… And don’t tell me you love me,” she said in a small voice, “Please don’t say that.”

“My sweet Katrina, I adore you.” Rafael touched her, as if a wild bird that might fly at a sudden movement. “I’ll never do anything to hurt you, don’t you know. I won’t make demands. I’ll just be here when you want me. I’ll be your rock. No strings, I swear.”

“Don’t say things you don’t mean, Rafael,” she said hoarsely. “Take me, just this once. Don’t ask me again though. There can be no repeat performances.”





Chapter 6



Rafael came through the door. Kat made an issue of checking her nails, striving to be casual. They were adults and should behave like ones. Last night should make no difference to their working relationship.

She glanced his way, making no difference might be a challenge, considering his appearance. He looked particularly sexy, made her insides smoky. She concentrated on her nails again.

They’d spent the whole night together. After all, to have gone back to her room after the intense session on the beautiful white rug, would have been churlish. The night turned into the most incredible of her life, although she could never allow a repeat.

Rafael closed the door. He said, “Hi! You’re looking good. You okay?”

Kat nodded, throat taut. She’d only returned to her room in the early hours, to get dressed.

He came across and brushed his lips over her head.

She swallowed. He’d agreed last night should be a one-off; she couldn’t cope with more. “Rafael,” she said, awkward. “About last night. I realise I was to blame, but I got carried away.”

“You’re having regrets?”

“Not regrets, but I want us to leave it at that. I did explain to you.”

“I respect what you said, I promise.” He pulled out a chair. “I’d like to talk over a couple of ideas if that’s all right.”

Kat nodded. She had to make sure she didn’t make a pig’s ear of everything. She couldn’t get this wrong because of personal problems; Dad would be back to square one. She put coffee into the espresso machine, added water and switched on.

Rafael followed her every movement. His eyes had an enigmatic quality, something about the morning light, or perhaps because he recalled what happened last night.

He said, “I’ve been thinking. With your permission, I’d like to use my resources to try to trace where your mother is.”

Kat’s head jerked up. She didn’t want anyone discovering what she’d discovered. “I’d prefer you didn’t.”

“Wouldn’t you like to hear her side of things?”

“No purpose will be served. Nothing will change.”

“Knowledge always changes things,” he said. “However insignificant, information has an effect, no matter what we think.”

Kat squeezed her eyes. For some stupid reason, last night as they’d lain in bed she’d said things she never should, things she’d kept secret. Why had she talked about them, why to him of all people?

Sex, and the relaxation afterward, had caused her to blab; unjustifiable, and stupid. She said, “It won’t change me. Mum disappeared when I was a kid. She didn’t want me. End of story.”

“I realise you had a painful experience, but perhaps we can work around it.”

“The legacy she left is quite enough, thank you very much. I want nothing more from her.”

“Legacy?” A frown flitted across his face.

“Never mind.” Kat clamped up, glad some sense of self-preservation had made her keep some things from him last night.

“But it might change the way you look at yourself and life.”

“I don’t think so. I fully recognize what’s wrong with my life.”

“Do you?”

What do you want me to do? Admit my failures? I suppose you consider confession good for the soul… or do you enjoy prying?”

“Don’t be silly.”

“I suppose you think by owning to making a mess of things, I’ll rid myself of monsters? Well I confess; I foul up. Okay? Satisfied? Look, my mother deserted me when I was young, and I’m screwed up. That’s enough.”