Beneath the Skin(79)
Sami slouches in his favourite chair, idly switching channels between The Great Escape and Sky Sports. He keeps glancing at the sofa, the sofa that’s empty save for the fur throw still left as Sophie left it.
‘Don’t bother to come back!’ Oh God.
Of course they’d rowed before. There had been many times when one or the other of them stomped out and slammed the door. But he’d never said those words before. Suppose she takes him at his word and doesn’t come back? What then? He flicks to another channel. Miss Congeniality 2. Sandra Bullock. Now she is fit.
Mike phoned earlier, from his Sunday walk with his kids, said he was watching them play on the swings. ‘Everything OK, mate?’ he asked. Sami regrets saying anything to him about Sophie, about tests. It was a moment of self-pity and pathetic really. Which makes him think of Olivia. She politely but firmly turned him down again at the wake and on reflection he’s glad. Even as he spoke to her, he knew he was trying to rekindle their affair for all the wrong reasons. He was pissed off with Sophie.
Sami rubs his head and sighs deeply. What the fuck was he doing? He never really loved Olivia, he realises that now. It was the challenge, the chase, the desire for that bloody, bloody ego boost. The need to erase the fat boy. It’s Sophie he wants, he knows that now, now that she’s fucking gone.
He leans to one side and pulls his iPhone from the back pocket of his jeans. He was determined not to look at it all day when he woke. Yet here it is in his pocket, his skin alert to its vibration, just in case she texts or calls. He peers at the screen. His screensaver photograph of the new version of an expensive sports car is there, but no message from his wife. ‘For fuck’s sake!’ he declares, lobs the mobile on to the sofa where Sophie should be, then picks up the remote control and watches the football results.
‘So, is everything OK, Dad? With you and Mum?’ Rachel asks as they drive down the M56 towards Alderley Edge and White Gables.
‘Absolutely!’ Mike replies. ‘Mum was going to tell me today, but you guessed first, clever girl. Another little Turner. It’s great news, isn’t it?’
The expression ‘Be careful what you wish for’ pops into his head.
As he drives, he thinks back to this morning. His initial urge to storm home from the park and confront Olivia wasn’t possible. The girls were focused on sweets, selecting them with great excitement and care from the corner shop. Then there was the walking home at a leisurely pace so that Olivia wouldn’t know quite how many Mike had allowed them to buy. But it gave him time to reflect. He had no doubt Rachel was right; he’d seen all the symptoms himself, but not registered them. Olivia was pregnant. He swung from feelings of angry irritation that she had kept the news from him, to an examination of how he felt about the prospect of being a father again. Of course there was no question about keeping the baby, but was it something he still wanted?
‘Olivia, are you pregnant?’ he asked after lunch as they cleared up the dishes. He’d thought of a multitude of ways to ask as he strolled home with the girls, but when it came down to it, there was only one way. Just to ask.
She flushed immediately, two bright patches of colour in her wan face. ‘How do you know?’ she breathed quietly.
He shrugged, standing away from her, conscious that this was not how it was supposed to be. ‘You look pregnant, you’ve been acting pregnant,’ he said slowly. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
She didn’t speak for a moment, but her pale eyes flickered and then she sighed. ‘I’ve only just realised myself. We’ve been so busy, what with one thing or another. I was just giving myself a day or two to get used to the idea. I’m sorry.’
He pulled her towards him then, the tea towel stuck between them. Any anger or irritation faded away. He could see the weary look in her eyes and he realised another baby wasn’t what she wanted. ‘Look,’ he said, kissing her forehead. ‘It’s wonderful news. Another beautiful child. We simply need a little time to adjust.’
The sun catches the windscreen as Mike accelerates into the driveway of White Gables, momentarily blinding him. He hopes Antonia has remembered that they’re visiting today. He doesn’t want to turn up unannounced. But she opens the door before they knock, the aroma of croissants escaping, her face lucent and so very lovely. ‘Hello, you two,’ she beams. ‘Hope you’re both hungry, I’ve been baking. Come on in!’
‘Mum’s going to have another baby but we don’t know when,’ Rachel blurts out before they’ve stepped inside.
There’s a pulse of silence before Antonia replies. ‘That’s wonderful news,’ she says, giving Rachel a hug. ‘You’ll be a big sister again!’ Then, ‘Congratulations, Mike,’ she adds.
She kisses him on the cheek, but doesn’t meet his eyes. Instead she turns away, her back slim, elegant and remote. ‘Now, what are we girls going to do this afternoon?’ she asks Rachel. ‘Shall we give Dad a call later when we’re finished?’
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Antonia drives towards Stoke, still feeling unsettled from her nightmare this morning. She’s had similar or the same for several days, waking in the early hours and crying uncontrollably until she nods off again. In the dream she climbs the limestone stairs and knocks on the bathroom door, but she knows David’s just sleeping, nodding off in the bath. She approaches quietly, reaching out a hand to gently wake him, but just before she touches, he lurches upright, his eyes bloodshot and angry. That’s when she wakes with a sickly jerk, shocked and fearful, taking too many moments to remember where she is; to remember he’s dead.