Beneath the Skin(66)

Mike sits back, his hands behind his head as he gently swivels his office chair. It’s difficult to describe how he felt for all those months, but he no longer feels hollow. He’s content, happy even, and more importantly, Olivia is too. They’ve survived the blip and he feels closer to her than he has in a long time. Life at home feels good.

Then there’s Antonia. He’s been to White Gables most days since David’s death, taking Rachel with him after work. She’s thrilled to go, tapping her foot with impatience as she waits for him to finish his dinner. He can tell from the way she holds herself at Antonia’s kitchen island that she’s pleased to be treated as a small adult, but it’s more than that. Her eyes study Antonia. They gaze at her clothes, her make-up and hair. They follow her every move. Then when Antonia isn’t in the room, they drink in the surroundings. The colours, the curtains, the lamps and the rugs.

‘She’s so beautiful. Like a footballer’s wife,’ he heard Rachel declare on her mobile phone, presumably to one of her school friends. Olivia heard too. She raised her eyebrows at Mike and smiled one of her secret smiles of mutual understanding. Olivia had said those very words many times before in the early years, and Mike had agreed with the superficial assessment. But now he knows Antonia properly, the words feel dirty. They suggest something expensive but cheap. He wants to tackle Rachel about it, to tell her not to use the expression, but knows she won’t understand. She regards it as a compliment.

He looks at his desk. It’s already a muddle even though Judith has only been gone a few days. He’s surprised himself by how much he’s missing her. Not just because he has to tell the temps what to do every two minutes. Not even because of the lost banter. He’s missing her most because Judith understands him. Or if she doesn’t actually understand him, she puts on a good show.

She’s phoned him every day so far. ‘You’re still my baby until the new one comes along,’ she says. ‘Have you pined for me?’

‘What do you think?’

‘Ha! Told you so.’

This morning they chatted about David and Antonia and the upcoming funeral. He mentioned Rachel. Not about the footballer’s wife comment, which is still festering away, but the fact that she is temporarily star-struck by the whole White Gables thing.

‘Why do you always take Rachel?’ Judith asked. He gave the expected answer. That Rachel loved to go, that he enjoyed her company in the car and so on. But Mike knows Judith was doing what Judith does best. She was posing the question he’s secretly asking himself. Not that he’d admit to the answer. He wouldn’t admit to feeling an attraction, or to waking in the night and contemplating that erotic moment he and Antonia were last alone together.

He looks down at his diary again and taps his Biro on the page. He has a rare appointment out of the office today. It’s at the Macclesfield Planning Department, so it seems sensible to pop in on Antonia afterwards, since she’s only down the road. They can have a proper chat about the funeral, he reasons, something he doesn’t want to do in front of Rachel. He can ask Antonia if she’s OK, really OK. He hasn’t asked her since she cried the night of David’s death. He feels that a good friend should.

‘I can’t seem to get rid of you this week,’ Norma says as she hands a mug of tea to Sophie. ‘Would you like a Hobnob with that?’

Sophie takes a biscuit from the stripy tin and places it on the arm of the sofa. She tucks her feet under her bottom and holds the mug with both hands.

‘You look cold, love. I’ll put on the fire,’ Norma says.

Sophie gazes at the stone cladding wall and at the gas fire with its wooden-look surroundings. It makes her think of sherry and artificial Christmas trees. It takes her back to board games with Dad: Cluedo, Monopoly or Frustration on Sunday afternoons. Mum being strict with the rules, Dad soft. ‘She’s only a kid, Norma. Come on. Let her have another chance.’ She hasn’t seen him in ages. She misses his handsome face and his relaxed view of the world.

‘Preston’s too far away, Dad, don’t go,’ she said when he left.

‘Only thirty miles, love, we’ll see each other loads,’ he replied. Of course they haven’t.

‘To think it was state of the art when we had this gas fire put in,’ Norma says, turning the switch repeatedly to fire it up. ‘But even I think it’s time for a living flame.’

‘Living flames died out years ago, Mum. You could always put on the central heating. If it still works.’

‘Not worth it just for me,’ Norma starts. She sits on the footstool, slightly breathless from bending down and smiles. ‘Guess you’ve heard that a few times. Mum on repeat. Again.’ She pauses for a moment, looking over at Sophie. ‘Is Sami OK?’

‘Yeah, he says hello. And before you ask, no I haven’t spoken to Antonia, so don’t bother giving me a lecture.’

‘I wasn’t going to. Look, love, I don’t know what she did to upset you, but you’re entitled to feel whatever you’re feeling.’

Sophie turns her head and stares out of the window towards the soggy back lawn. ‘I don’t know what I’m feeling, Mum. I’m so tired. All I want to do is sleep.’ She looks back towards Norma with weary eyes. ‘But what I do know is that I don’t want to go to the funeral. People will think I’m a selfish bitch, but I don’t want to go. I really don’t want to go.’