Beneath Devil's Bridge(95)
Bile curdles up the back of my throat because I know he’s right. But we cannot go on together. Not now. Not after he kept this from me. Our entire relationship is constructed on the back of this one devastating secret. And there may be more—how can I ever trust that he didn’t seed things into my own unconscious when he treated me? I’m not even going to ask him, because I won’t believe him. My job now is to go forward, to focus on saving what’s left—my daughter and her girls. I need to atone for driving Maddy into Clay Pelley’s office in the first place, in search of guidance about her home troubles. Jake and I—our lack of attention—rendered our child vulnerable to a cunning sexual predator.
I need to make sure my grandchildren will grow on a strong foundation in order to weather this narrative. Because their parents’ history—their parents’ past crimes—is scored into their present. It will come at them, in one way or another, for the rest of their lives. Like it has in Trinity’s. Like it has in Ganesh’s. And so many more lives. My grandchildren need to find a way to process this. I must be there for them all.
“Get out,” I say, my voice strangling in my throat. “Get your things, and get off my farm.”
“Rachel. Please—” He gets up, tries to touch me.
“Don’t. Do not touch me.”
“I told you not to listen to that podcast. I told you it would be bad news.”
REVERB
THE RIPPLE EFFECT
NOW
EXCERPT FROM THE FINAL EPISODE
The Killing of Leena Rai—Beneath Devil’s Bridge MADDY: I don’t even know when it started—the bullying of Leena Rai. Certainly long before that cold November night when the Russian satellite hit the earth’s atmosphere. By the time it happened, there was nothing any of us could do to stop it. Like a train set on its rails miles away, it all just came trundling inexorably down the track. And . . . what’s hard to stomach, what’s really, really difficult to absorb, is how good people, people you love—friends, parents, children, lovers—do truly terrible things. And how small lies become so big, little snowballs growing into deadly avalanches. And how turning a blind eye over time to seemingly small things can contribute to something so terribly heinous.
TRINITY: And, Maddy, everything you’ve told us in this episode, it’s all the truth?
MADDY: Yes. The same things I told my mother in the hospital when I realized I’d survived the fire, and that my daughters had survived. And it had to be for a purpose. To talk truth. About bullying. About integration. About buried sexual abuse. About how a community needs to step up. How kids at school need to understand what they’re doing. And how their parents need to be aware that dangers often lie in wait in benign places.
TRINITY: It’s an uphill battle.
MADDY: I’ve partnered with Jaswinder, Darsh, and Ganesh Rai. We had our first talk at Twin Falls Secondary. About Leena. Who she was as a person. All the things that were good about her, and what she could have become. And about how we got to that point under Devil’s Bridge. I hope it helps the Rais toward a healing process, and that it also becomes a healing journey for the entire community linked to this tragedy. Maybe, just maybe, we can stop it happening again somewhere.
TRINITY: And if Leena’s mother were still alive, what would you say to Pratima Rai?
MADDY: That I am so, so sorry. I participated in a bullying incident that got violent, and I deeply regret it. I will spend the rest of my life speaking out and trying to atone. I am sorry, too, Trinity, for the legacy that was left you. I was sexually abused by your father. I misguidedly thought it was an act of rebellion for me, but I was his victim. What we girls thought of as seduction was something else entirely. And that night of the bonfire . . . he unleashed something dark and awful in all of us. Beth especially.
TRINITY: The shadows that Leena wrote about?
MADDY: If you will. There’s a beast that lives in each one of us.
TRINITY: And you’ve had legal counsel—
MADDY: I have. Yes. I will accept any consequences of my actions that day. As Beth must. And Granger, and Johnny, and everyone who lied must.
TRINITY: And your mother?
MADDY: And my mother.
Far away, across the country, Jocelyn Willoughby listens to the end of her granddaughter’s podcast while knitting at her daughter’s bedside. Lacey lies sedated. She’s nearing the end. It’s as if the final chapter of her life has now been written, the book closed, and now she can let go. The palliative doctor has just been to visit. Jocelyn looks at her child. And she whispers, “Look what our Trinity has done, Lacey. I’m so proud of her.” She sets her knitting down and takes her daughter’s cool, dry hand into her own. She strokes the veined surface. “Trinny has found justice for Leena.” She pauses. “Although I don’t know that justice makes anything better. But perhaps the truth does. Perhaps that is what really matters. And the truth will set you free, won’t it, my love?”
Jocelyn isn’t sure she believes that, either. Not entirely. Life is far more layered and complicated. Too many darn shades of gray. But she feels in her heart that Lacey’s soul is now free to go. Clay is free, too. From the prison of his own deviances. Little Janie went back to Twin Falls and found out where she comes from. She owns who she is now. This podcast was her journey. She’s prompted a national conversation about teenage bullying, and a discussion about racism, too. And about belonging.