Before I Let You Go(92)

Sam chuckles and nods.

I shut my eyes and groan. “How did I miss that?”

“Sleep deprivation and stress, honey,” Sam says. “She just needs some acetaminophen and she’ll be fine.”

I make a quick trip to the drugstore while Sam stays home with Daisy. It occurs to me as I’m driving away that this is actually the first time I’ve left them alone together, and it doesn’t seem like a big deal at all—not given everything else that’s going on in our lives. Sam is such a natural at this—so much more than I am. I really need to let him be more involved with Daisy. It will do her so much good.

After administering a dose of medicine, I cuddle Daisy back to sleep while Sam dresses for work. When he returns to the living room, he sits beside me again and slides his arm around my shoulders. We stare down at the baby—already she’s more settled, and now I feel guilty that it took me so long to pick up on something so obvious.

“This suits you,” Sam says suddenly.

I scoff at him.

“It suits me? She had a fever this morning and I didn’t notice.”

Sam shrugs.

“You know what sleep deprivation can do. I just mean in general, you’re doing such a great job. I didn’t think I could love you any more than I already did, but . . . there’s something about the way you are with her . . . it’s a side to you I didn’t know was there. I feel lucky I’ve had this chance to see you playing mommy.”

He rests his head against mine, and my tiredness fades, and just for a moment all I feel is the love I have for Sam. It is the biggest and best part of me. It surges in moments like this, until it seems bigger than both of us. I glance down at Daisy—and I know that somehow, even if she sleeps fitfully in my arms, she benefits from being around people who love each other like Sam and I do. I sigh, and I’m somehow simultaneously content and exhausted, ignoring entirely all of the external craziness that Annie has brought into our lives. I’m still not brave enough to ask Sam what his thoughts are on Daisy’s future, but just for the moment, we feel like a real family.

Sam kisses the side of my head and moves to release me.

“I have to go to work,” he murmurs, but I turn to him and whisper, “Just a moment longer?”

He smiles and pulls me against his chest, and I close my eyes and sink back into the moment. We are safe and all of my problems are a million miles away. Everything else will be fine, eventually—as long as I have Sam.

When several minutes pass and Sam gently moves away, I open my eyes just in time to see the shadow of movement at the living room window. It startles me enough that I let out an involuntary squeal.

“What’s wrong?” Sam frowns.

“There’s someone at the window.”

Sam runs to throw the front door open, and he peers out into the street before he turns back to me and shrugs.

“There’s no one there, Lex.”

I carefully rest Daisy on the bouncer and run out into the yard.

“There was,” I throw over my shoulder. “It must have been Annie.” I’m standing on the front lawn now, looking this way and that, and I can’t see a thing—so I shout, “Annie!”

“Lexie, keep your voice down, it’s eight in the morning—” Sam protests, but I shush him and run to look behind the bushes in our yard, and then out onto the road. She’s gone, but somehow, I know it was her.

“Are you sure?” Sam asks, and he runs out after me, but I point back to the door.

“Stay with Daisy, just for a minute?”

I run to the end of our street, then back past the house and to the other end. I try to remember exactly what it was I saw in the window, but it was just a shadow. I shouldn’t be so sure it belonged to my sister—but somehow, I am. Now, though, she is long gone, and I return to our house, dragging my feet, confused and disappointed and simultaneously a little relieved. I wonder if Annie even knows that if she visits, I’ll have to turn her in.

Sam is sitting on the couch close to Daisy, and he looks up at me expectantly. I shake my head and sit beside him.

“It’s probably for the best,” Sam says carefully. “If she comes here . . .”

“I know.” I sigh. “I’ll call the police.”

“Do you want me to call in sick or something?” he asks, but he’s reluctant, and I shake my head.

“I’ll be okay.”

I decide to take Daisy to the pediatrician just to be sure that her fever isn’t a sign of something more serious. I dress her and strap her into the car seat, but I’m still not great at estimating how long it takes us to get ready, and we are already running a few minutes late by the time I get to the front door.

Inevitably, I hear the shrill ring of the landline right at that moment.

The landline. Only one person calls that number.

I consider ignoring it. It’s Annie for sure, but the pediatrician has squeezed us into a slot between appointments and it’s a half-hour drive to get to his office—there’s really only enough time for me to get in the car and go if we’re going to make the booking. I try to figure out what should be my priority—my sick sister, or my sick niece.

I answer the phone.

“I wasn’t going to bother you, but I have to see her,” Annie says without identifying herself.