Be a Doll(7)

***





LILA


Before I dropped out of high school at seventeen and took off from the last awful and abusive foster family I was placed in, I remembered that feeling when I was summoned to the principal’s office. There was always that apprehension that would make my body tense when all I wanted was to find an escape.

That was pretty much how I felt while waiting in Mrs. Stein’s office. I already knew what was coming after my interview with that asshole. I bet he had a field day recounting my words. In retrospect and after a couple of hours, I believed that he was testing me, making sure I was trained well enough to never stray from my imposed role. I had never failed a test as badly as that one.

I looked down in my lap at my hands twisting. I had a hard time staying still and I wondered why I still fought my natural inclinations considering I was probably spending my last minutes at Carter Manor. Tonight, I would be back to square one with no money, no food, no roof over my head and no prospects After four years spent in luxury I couldn’t fathom how I would go back to that damn life. One would think I went through enough in my twenty-four years of life.

The office door opened and Mrs. Stein’s kitten heels clacked on the wooden floor until she appeared in my line of sight, rounding the Louis Philip desk to sit in front of me in her throne looking chair.

Her eyes were narrowed behind her glasses and for the first time since I met the woman it made me sweat. In a last ditch effort to placate her, I lowered my eyes diligently.

“How do you think your interview with Mr. Grimes went?’’

“I’m not sure what you expect me to say, Mrs. Stein,’’ I said without looking up, already seeing the humid nights I’d spend in Manhattan, fighting off the sick bastards who would want to touch me and avoiding the junkies that were too unpredictable.

“I’ll be honest with you, Lila,’’ she went on as if I said nothing and the strange tone in her voice had me looking up. She was watching me with thinly veiled contempt, but there was also a hint of something else I couldn’t place. “When you first arrived, while you were undisciplined and lacking any sense of courtesy and manners, your intelligence and pride made you an incredible asset for Carter Manor. Unfortunately, you’ve shown less than stellar attitude when your results during your formation have been the best I had seen in years. You’re a little bit of a conundrum and strangely enough, while you can be unpredictable and I’m not sure of what will come out of this, Mr. Grimes is set on having you as his wife.’’

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out as the implication of her words started to sink in.

Wife.

Mr. Grimes’ wife.

I shook my head slowly and gripped my thighs to stop my hands from visibly shaking. “What?’’

Mrs. Stein’s lips pursed at my lack of manner, once again, but when in shock she couldn’t possibly expect me to muster up some kind of appropriate reaction.

“In two months you’ll become Mrs. Grimes and I hope you don’t make him regret his choice in the matter, Lila.’’ She kept quiet the fact that it would reflect badly on Carter Manor, but I didn’t care right now and didn’t go out of my way to point that out. I couldn’t process her words. How come he decided to marry me when I mouthed off at him? What kind of sick man wanted that?

“Mrs. Stein, I think there must be a mistake.’’

She linked her fingers on top of her antique desk and sighed as if already over this conversation. “There is no mistake, Lila. I already contacted Mrs. Lawson in Manhattan to start planning the wedding. Mr. Grimes asked me to tell you to pick whichever wedding dress you wanted, without a look at the budget. Now go and start looking.’’

Without another word I stood up on weak legs and left the office, my Louboutin high heels precarious when everything in me was shaking. I was engaged to a man I barely spent ten minutes with.

***





LILA


“You’re so lucky, Lila,’’ Jane said, a dream-like smile on her heart-shaped face as she toyed with a blonde strand. At barely twenty and fairly new to Carter Manor, she still had a fairy tale conception of what it’s like here. She hadn’t realized yet how much of a sordid affair everything was.

“Really, Jane?’’ I shook my head and sipped my tea, welcoming this short break from looking for a wedding dress in all the catalogues the Manor had for this purpose. With Mrs. Stein breathing down my neck and the stress over finally getting married, I had a hard time sleeping at night and I had never had such a good use of concealer before. “I met for ten minutes with Mr. Grimes and it didn’t end on a good note. I don’t understand how come I’m marrying the man and I don’t see how I could stay in the same room as him for any length of time so…’’ I couldn’t bring myself to thinking of the wedding night and all the other nights he might want me to fulfill my marital duty. I felt like I would turn into some kind of pricey escort and it made me sick.

“Oh come on,’’ she whispered and leaned closer so the other women wouldn’t hear us. “He’s young and Samantha saw him when he left and she told me he’s hot. You’re lucky. Most of us are going to end up with some old man.’’

For the first time since Jane walked in Carter Manor with stars in her eyes, I saw the cracks in the veneer of the painting she had of this place. I didn’t know her well, but her fresh outlook and her candor sometimes had helped me from turning bitter these past few months when my birthday loomed, getting closer and closer.