Be a Doll(14)

Today wasn’t a normal situation and I wasn’t a blushing bride in love.

I kept on looking at myself in the mirror while I sat at the vanity in the room with my bridesmaid, a bridesmaid I had met three hours ago and who happened to be my future husband’s sister. I’d lie if I said that I hadn’t felt my heart warming when I put on my wedding dress and let the hair stylist secure my veil in my hair, but it wasn’t because I was glad to become Mrs. Grimes. I was enamored with my dress and while I knew a perfect wedding with the man I loved was out of the question, I was happy that at least a small part of a fantasy deeply buried came to life in the form of the most perfect dress I could have ever hoped for.

I sighed and finally let my eyes drop from my reflection to settle on my hands tightly clasped in my lap. My nails were perfectly manicured and harbored a pale pink that complemented my carnations wonderfully and only completed the young blushing bride appearance. My engagement ring shone on my finger and I twisted it slightly as the feeling of being leashed increased as the seconds ticked by. My leash wasn’t around my neck, but around that precise finger and it wasn’t any less restricting.

“Your dress is truly amazing, Lila. My brother isn’t going to know what hit him,’’ Megan Grimes said with a warm smile as she gently sat next to me on the other chair and checked my veil.

Megan Grimes wasn’t what I had expected upon meeting my soon-to-be sister in-law. I had thought she would be cold and distant and would give me the cold shoulder, but she was the opposite, so much so that it was a wonder she was related to Mathis Grimes.

With her deep brown hair in a delicate updo made of twists and probably a fair amount of pain to make her hair behave like this, her discreet makeup that accentuated her big brown eyes and her lips only harboring a nude lipstick, she was breathtaking in a simple way, yet with sophistication pouring out of her, but in a way that couldn’t possibly be described as snobbish. In any other circumstances I’d be happy to call her my sister in-law, but considering my impending marriage to her despicable brother and the wedding night that made me want to shudder in disgust, I could only feel relief that I hadn’t been stuck in this room with some brat I couldn’t stand.

“Thank you, Megan. Your dress is stunning, too.’’ I offered her a small smile, but one quick glance at myself in the mirror showed me that I looked rather stiff.

“I’d like to tell you something, but I’m afraid to hurt your feelings,’’ she said after a few seconds of silence.

I stared at her and saw her fidgeting with the hem of her dress. The very pale gauzy fabric seemed to flow between her long and dainty fingers as if she was trying to catch water with her hands.

“My feelings are well-protected. Tell me.’’

She briefly pursed her lips as if considering my words and then she nodded. “When my brother told me about picking a wife from that place, I was sure I’d hate you and that you’d be so fake that my brother would be miserable, but you’re nothing like I had imagined.’’

A genuine smile appeared on my face. “I can only empathize.’’ I chuckled softly under my breath. Not a sound escaped my slightly parted lips. “When you think about it, this arranged marriage is so unbelievable.’’

“The most unbelievable part is that my brother is willingly getting married,’’ she added in a laugh that sounded so light that I envied her happiness when inside of me I either felt disgust at the thought of letting that man out there doing whatever he wanted with my body tonight and numb at the prospect of taking his last name and losing the last thing that was mine, even if it didn’t mean much anymore.

“Don’t let all this hoopla fool you, Megan. Your brother isn’t going to be my husband in the way that he’ll fall for me and be faithful. This is a business arrangement that will be profitable for his business ventures. I’m only a tool he’ll use for as long as he wishes to.’’

Her smile disappeared and she nodded. I wanted to pull my words back in my mouth when I realized that the lively spark in her eyes was extinguished. Maybe it was wrong of me to kill her romantic expectations here, but the harsh truth was that there was nothing romantic or glamorous. There was nothing I wanted more than to escape all of that and hope to build myself a nice and quiet life far away from all of that.

I didn’t want to marry Megan’s brother and if I could, I’d escape with my pricey wedding dress on and run through Manhattan until I found a suitable hiding place where I could reinvent myself to never be found. But that was wishful thinking and I was well aware of that. If I ever wanted to get my own life and not end up in the streets again, I needed to get through this marriage for however long Mr. Grimes wanted. Then, and only then I could have what I wanted. I had to focus on that silver lining to go through all of this.

“I’m sorry,’’ I whispered and when I locked eyes with Megan I smiled at her again to soften my previous words.

“It’s fine. I…I guess I momentarily let myself be swept up in all of this, you know.’’ She made a swift move to point at my wedding dress and then at herself. “I want my brother happy and sometimes I think he forgets that success isn’t synonymous to happiness.’’

“Knock-knock,’’ someone said as the door to the room opened, stopping me before I uttered something that probably wouldn’t have been very flattering about Mathis Grimes.