Bane (Sinners of Saint #4)(34)
“What are we thinking about?” I walked over to stand by Dr. Wiese, watching Shadow, who looked exhausted and kind of spent. I’d never had a pet. Not for lack of wanting. Money had been tight, and a pet meant spending more money. Also, my mom had worked ridiculous hours the first ten years of her career, and I’d learned early on that in order to survive, I needed to hang out at other people’s places after school to eat home-cooked meals, so I hadn’t been around much, either.
I didn’t know what it felt like to lose a dog, but I had a feeling that for Jesse, it was also ten times worse, because he was more than just a pet. He was another piece of old Jesse she was never going to get back.
“All done.” Dr. Wiese snapped his elastic gloves off and dumped them into a stainless steel trash bin, turning around to wash his hands again. “Give him plenty of water and make sure he eats. Wet food, if he doesn’t have any appetite. I’ll prescribe him antibiotics right now, but we’ll be in touch.”
“Okay,” Jesse managed, still sniffing.
I grabbed Shadow and helped him down just when she turned to the doctor and said, “This is all my fault, you know.”
The silence that followed made me want to throw up a little.
I thanked the doctor, booked the follow-up appointment for Shadow myself with Miss Candy Crush, and paid the bill, because Jesse was busy shivering in the corner of the reception, mumbling empty promises and apologies to a lethargic Shadow. I carried the smelly furball to her Rover, put him in the back seat, and made sure that he was all curled up and comfortable. Then I turned around to face her.
I was going to say something. I wasn’t really sure what. Usually I just tossed a lie or two to make uncomfortable shit go away. But as I swiveled, I realized Jesse was right beside me, her green apples and fresh rain scent filling my nostrils once again.
“What?” I furrowed my brows.
She shook her head, taking another step closer to me.
“You’re entering creeper zone again,” I said. She didn’t smile. She didn’t talk. It didn’t register at first, when she rose on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to my cheek.
Now, here’s the part I wasn’t so crazy about admitting: I didn’t do any of my usual moves. I didn’t smirk or rake my eyes over her body or gather her into a one-arm hug like the tool they had taught me to be at All Saints High. I just stood there like a damn fool, feeling her kiss soaking into my cheek like poison. Why poison? Because it was going to kill me if I wasn’t careful.
This girl was an apple, all right.
But it wasn’t green. It was red and lethal and not worthy of six-fucking-million dollars.
Shadow broke the moment by barking from the back seat. Jesse stepped away. Old Sport cheek-blocked me. After everything I’d done for him. Now I knew generosity didn’t pay off.
We both hurried into the vehicle, our seat belts clicking in unison. Jesse drove us back into downtown Todos Santos, and I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t fucking up the deal, because kissing on the cheek was like a shoulder-punch in some cultures. There was nothing sexual about it, a statement that my throbbing dick didn’t agree with, but since when was I listening to his opinions? He liked everyone. That fucker and his hippie mentality.
“He’s going to be fine.” I said something aloud so that the voices in my head would stop urging me to do shit like putting my hand on hers again. Note to self: check if you did actually grow a vagina today. It started to look like I might have.
She answered, “I hope so, because he is the only one I have.”
“Flattered,” I quipped.
She laughed. “Stop doing this.”
“Doing what?”
“Offer me hope. Faith is a dangerous thing. It drives you to try, and when you try, you fail.”
I wondered if she realized that our knees were nearly touching. That we were closer than we’d ever been. That not only could we smell each other, but we could also study every individual freckle and blemish on each other’s skin.
“Aren’t you a bundle of sunshine and unicorns,” I remarked.
“My dad is dead, my mom is a bitch, and I have zero friends. My dog is dying because I was too much of a coward to take him to his annual checkups. I have no ties to this world. Setting up roots, getting out of the house…” She took a sharp breath, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel as she drove. “For the past two years, I’ve been waiting for the sky to fall on me. Wishing for it, really. I didn’t plan on giving this whole life thing another shot. That’s why I didn’t want you to give me a job.”
“But that’s why you need one,” I countered. She was rolling onto Main Street, heading toward El Dorado, and I wasn’t ready to part ways. Not on that note. “A reason to wake up in the morning. I need a barista, Snowflake.” I didn’t, but someone was going to lose their job. Probably Beck. He needed to concentrate on his surfing, anyway, and the sponsorships had started pouring in, so it wasn’t like he was going to go hungry. “It’s the easiest job in the world. A chipmunk can do it. Even worse—Beck can.”
“As much as the offer flatters me—and make no mistake, proposing I should do the job of a chipmunk flatters me beyond belief,” she paused for a second, allowing the fact she’d handed me my own ass seep in, “I’m not going to work for you. Have you been to Darren’s house? Money is hardly an issue in my family.”