Avenged (Altered #2)(65)

What if they’d shot her? What if it was her in this bed instead of me? His fingers flexed on her back.

“They didn’t. You’re here,” she whispered. “You’re here because I couldn’t hold them. You’re here because I made a decision to go after Fields, which almost got you killed.” She shook her head. “I only wanted to stop him. To save others.”

She’d made some stupid decisions in her life, especially since her parents died, but she couldn’t think of one she regretted more. Fields was gone, but the cost had almost been too great.

“You promised.” He scowled down at her.

“What?”

“You promised me, when I taught you how to fight, that you wouldn’t take chances with yourself.”

She shook her head. “You’re the one who almost got killed. I couldn’t hold them all.”

“And I couldn’t stop the second volley of gunshots.”

“You did a great job. It was me…”

“Stop.” He pulled her against him. “You were right to go after Fields. Someone like that, with no regard for human life… He killed people. A lot of people. I don’t believe for a minute that he was done.”

He was right, of course. She’d listened to Fields for months, knew more about him than any of them. He’d fed on glory. He wouldn’t have been satisfied to retire. He’d wanted fame, recognition. He hadn’t understood why he hadn’t gotten it.

“I have a hard time letting others take the lead.” He sighed. “In Iraq, a couple years ago, I stood by while an officer made a bad decision, a choice that ended with two people losing their lives.” A fiery explosion in the desert laced his memory, full of smoke and heat and fear. “I’m the oldest in my family—everyone looks to me. I’d known that the officer could hurt someone. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t. I regret that.”

She didn’t know what to say, so she ran her hand along his arm, hoping it soothed him.

“After that, I decided to always speak up. Always voice my doubts.” His lips quirked. “But maybe sometimes I walk the line between voicing doubts and being an overbearing jerk.”

“You aren’t a jerk.” She smiled. “You’re confident. It’s different.”

“But I’m not always right. My way isn’t the only way.” He hugged her to his side. “Maybe that’s why you sent me away instead of taking me with you.” He flinched, mentally. Because maybe she didn’t think I’d listen to her. Maybe she didn’t think I’d hear her out. Maybe I’m not the guy she thinks she can depend on.

Maybe that’s why she doesn’t love me.

Kitty scooted back to look into his eyes. He didn’t look away. Instead, he gazed at her with resignation. As if her not loving him was something he knew, accepted.

To her, that was completely unacceptable.

“You have everything wrong.” She took his face in her hands. “You. You are the most loveable person I’ve ever met. I didn’t leave you behind because of you. I left you there because of me.”

“You?” His brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

“You see me as this strong, brave person. Even when I feel the weakest, when people’s thoughts and feelings seem like they’re going to break me. The way you see me, that girl…” She shook her head. “I want to be that girl. I want to be brave and strong.” She dropped her hands. “I know you wanted me to be safe, but I didn’t want to leave Fields. We both knew that the Army might not have gotten to the compound in time. I sent you back because I knew you would make them come for me. I thought I could stop him. I had to try.” She kissed his hand. “You made me realize I was better than I thought I was. You make me want to be that person.”

She leaned forward and pressed her mouth against his. She made sure to hold herself away from him, on her hands and knees, so she didn’t hurt his leg. The slow rub of his lips against hers made her stomach warm, and tingles lifted goose bumps on her arms. He raised his hand, the one not attached to the IV, and ran his fingers along her cheek.

When they pulled apart, his brown eyes were soft, full of emotion. “I know who you are, Kitty. I love you.”

Her heart full, she smiled back. “I love you, too.”

Happiness tinged his thoughts as their mouths touched again, and this time the kiss was slow and sweet. Their tongues tangled together, and she poured herself into that kiss. Her toes curled, her legs weakened, and the only thing keeping her from falling into him, from letting herself melt against him, was that she didn’t want to hurt him.

When they pulled back, they were both breathing heavy. He scowled. “Damn leg.” He lifted the hand still adorned with an IV needle and heart rate monitor. “And this. Wires and machines. Ruining my game.”

She giggled. She didn’t know if she’d ever giggled in her life. But in the face of his disgruntled frustration—over not being able to be with her properly—she felt more feminine and powerful than ever.

She snuggled next to him. “You need to get some rest. Because you need to get out of here soon. Hospitals don’t exactly scream romance.”

He grunted, but his mind continued to roll through the things he wanted to do to her. Visions of their night in the crummy hotel filled his memories. He played the events over and over, slowly, until she gasped, panting, as aroused by his thoughts as she was by her own.