Avenged (Altered #2)(37)

But she’d backed away from him. She was distant, guarded.

It rattled him, left him off-kilter. He’d hoped…had wanted to connect with her so much. To feel like he’d made that connection only to find himself back at the beginning… It was discouraging, to say the least.

As he studied her, preparing to try again, he let himself take her in. He’d stopped trying to hide how he felt about her. He didn’t want to pretend anymore.

It never felt like he could see her enough.

She’d changed a lot since they were brought here almost a week ago. She’d filled out some, for one thing. No longer frighteningly thin, she’d also put on a layer of lean muscle, thanks to their training sessions.

More than the muscle, she’d gained something else. A swagger, maybe. She held her head higher. Walked with her shoulders back. Something. Whatever it was, it made him swell with pride and made his body tighten every time he looked at her.

God, he had it bad for this girl.

“You need to focus,” she reminded him gently, her hands on her hips.

“You’re right.” He dropped onto his cot and rubbed his hand over his hair. It had been a few weeks since he’d had a haircut and the stuff was getting longer than he liked. He tugged at it. “I need to focus.”

She stepped forward to stand in front of him. He didn’t look up, but it didn’t matter. Even her feet, in their ridiculous treaded socks, looked good to him.

He closed his eyes and exhaled. He really did need to get a grip on this.

She laid her hand on his shoulder, and he breathed in. Even her fingers on his shoulder made him happy.

He was pathetic for her.

“You’re not pathetic.” Her whisper was filled with pain. “I don’t think you’re pathetic.”

He laughed, more at himself than anything else. “I don’t understand, Kit. What happened?” He glanced up, trying his best to stay light, to keep this as easy and breezy as he could.

“Nothing happened.”

“Stop. Please. Say anything to me, but don’t lie.” He stood, unable to remain still. He put a few steps between them. “We were doing so well. And, suddenly, you were gone again. As if you’d never kissed me like you didn’t want to stop.”

Her face pinked. “Nick…”

“No.” He held up his hand, shaking his head. “That was wrong. You’re allowed to be who you are. If you don’t want to kiss me anymore, or you decided that was a bad idea, that’s your prerogative. But I’ll be honest—I loved that kiss. So I’m not sorry it happened.” He tried to smile. Probably failed. Whatever. “Let’s do this again, okay? I’m being stupid.”

He stepped across the room, stepping back into position, cracking his neck and trying to force his mental bullshit to the side. She stood by the cot, looking at her hands.

“You ready?” he asked. Back to business. Something he could control. A plan that would work.

“No.”

“You aren’t ready?”

Kitty lifted her head. “No, I mean you aren’t stupid. I loved that kiss, too. And you’re right. I didn’t want it to stop.” She exhaled. “Not every girl gets that kind of first kiss.”

“What?” Surely he’d heard wrong. She was almost twenty, wasn’t she? Who made it to twenty without kissing someone?

“Me,” she said. “I made it to almost twenty without kissing anyone.”

“Huh.” He didn’t know that, and he certainly didn’t know the right response.

“You didn’t know because you don’t really know me.” She sighed. “We’ve only known each other for a couple weeks. And most of that has been spent in forced captivity together.” She attempted a grin, failed. “We should be careful, that’s all. What if we’re being too hasty? We’ll be leaving here tomorrow. I don’t think we should…get carried away, is all.”

He scowled at her, trying to keep up. She said “we should be careful,” but he got the impression she meant him. “You think we should be careful. Does careful mean you only want to be friends again?”

“No. That’s not what I meant.”

“So, you don’t want to go back to being ‘just friends?’” He’d never been much good at these kinds of “define the relationship” talks. He was an all or nothing kind of guy. If he liked someone, he liked them. End of story. Why did things have to be so complicated?

“Well, no…”

“But you think things will change when we get out of here.”

“No. Yes. I don’t know. Maybe.”

Right. That cleared it up.

He stepped closer to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. When she looked up, her eyes were wary. “I don’t know what happens tomorrow. Kenny and Brian both have more tactical training than I do, but even with the three of us, I can’t guarantee we’ll get out of here in one piece.” A flash of fear washed over her face. “I’m only being honest. There’s no way to know what happens next. But one thing I do know is myself. I’ll prove it to you.”

There wasn’t anything but time that would fix this. Once they were out, he’d show her. He could be patient. “Come on. Let’s practice some more.”