Avenged (Altered #2)(27)

“You think I’m strong.” Shock colored her voice.

She could be so dense sometimes, especially for someone who could hear everything. He snorted, flopping down on the cot. “Hell yeah. There are other ways to be strong besides having huge muscles.” He stared at his hands. “Like my mom. She had breast cancer, was diagnosed when I was fourteen. She had six kids, from age six to me, and we were terrified. Even my youngest sister knew what cancer was. My mom, she’s the rock in our family. We revolve around her. Even when she was sick and probably frightened, she refused to give up.” Thoughts of his mom always made him smile. “I hope I’m as strong as her someday.”

He hadn’t been home in nine long months. He should have gone back. He’d had leave from the army, but it had been expensive to fly from San Antonio to New York, and he’d been trying to save money. He should have spent the money on the plane ticket, no matter how strapped it made him. Who knew when he’d get back to them again?

He had to figure out how to get Kitty and himself out. The longer they were here, the more airtight the security measures to keep them would become. They had to solve this fast. But he’d spent all morning running scenarios. So far he’d found nothing.

“Your mom had breast cancer?” Her eyes widened, infinitely soft and worried. “Is she…okay?” She joined him, sinking down on the cot, her body turned to face him.

She had been angry at him a moment ago, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. Her ability to open her heart…it was not common, and he found it irresistible.

He nodded. “She had a hard fight. Lost her hair. Got really sick. I’ve never seen someone fight anything with as much determination and strength as my mom.”

She reached out to him, her hand covering his. Against his skin, her fingers were pale and thin. She squeezed. “She sounds amazing. Maybe you’ll introduce me some day.”

“I would love to. And she would love you.” He knew that with absolute certainty. He’d never met anyone who was a better judge of character than his mom. His mother would see exactly what was inside of Kitty.

Before Nick could react, Kitty leaned forward and folded him into her arms. She wasn’t much to hold, especially because he was so big, but it was a huge hug.

Kitty poured her entire self into her hugs.

He closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of her against him. But even as he was enjoying having her in his arms, he knew that on her end, this was only a friendly hug, meant to soothe him. While he appreciated the comfort she offered, it was tangled up with how much he was starting to want her. Her comfort, her smile, her fears, her strength, and her body.

So while she was offering him her friendship, he wanted to climb inside her.

That thought made him stand up.

Hurt flashed through her eyes. That made him feel even worse.

This had to stop.

“Christ, Kitty, I’m sorry. What can I do here? This is confusing.” He paced in front of her. “Listen, you hugged me because you think we’re friends and in your mind you’re comforting a friend.”

She stiffened. “You don’t want us to be friends?” If he thought she looked hurt before, the pain that passed over her face destroyed him.

“Oh God. Yes. I do want us to be friends.” He sat back down next to her and pulled her hands into his. “I want us to be friends. But when you’re this close, I also want to hold you. Not like a hug, but really hold you.” He paused to let that imagery roll through their heads, of her in his arms, their bodies pressed together, his mouth on her face…on all of her. A blush stained her cheeks. She got it, then. “I want to kiss your smiles and your frowns. It ate me up inside, thinking of you trapped by Goldstone alone, but this…whatever is going on here…is more than that.”

Her eyes widened, and he probably should have stopped but he figured it was best to get it out. Making an ass of himself was obviously one of his latent talents.

“I’ll be whatever you want me to be. But please…” He squeezed her fingers. “Please don’t hug me like we’re only buddies, or like I’m your brother. Because you need to know that while you’re doing that, I’m sitting here wanting you.” He made himself let go of her hand.

She stared at him, her eyes wide and fathomless. God, did she ever not look good? Not to him, anyway, it seemed.

He was an asshole, unloading on her. How he felt was his problem. He needed to get a grip.

“Listen. I’m sorry. That’s not fair. Please forgive me. This is hard.” He waited for her to nod before he continued, scooting over a foot or so for some much-needed distance.

Finally, he inhaled a calming breath. “I’ll help you do whatever you want. I’ll teach you whatever you want. You’re right. If you want to learn how to defend yourself, you should have that chance. God knows, we’re in enough danger.” He ran his hand over his hair. “Promise me one thing, though, please.”

He only paused a heartbeat before he continued. “Promise me that you won’t take unnecessary risks with yourself. I’m not teaching you this stuff so you can go on some suicide mission.”

Her lips thinned, but he lifted his hand. “Listen. You’re the most selfless person I think I’ve ever met. You’ll put yourself out there for anyone. Promise you won’t use this stuff to risk yourself for anyone. Use it to protect you. You’re as important as anyone else you’d be guarding.”