Ash Princess (Ash Princess Trilogy #1)(51)

I can’t help but think about that day now, after Hoa has brought and whisked away both tea and dinner. Now the only thing left to do is wait to see if S?ren will show up. Artemisia and Heron are still out, so it’s only Blaise behind his wall, and we haven’t spoken since he left my room hours ago. The quiet is awkward and heavy, like a wool cloak in the dead heat of summer. I feel like that child again, clinging to him when he wants nothing to do with me, even though I know that isn’t true. He’s here, he’s helping me, he wouldn’t do that if he didn’t care. But maybe he’s thinking of his father’s decree to protect me. Maybe it’s his loyalty to my royal blood that keeps him here, not me as a person.

The idea of it frustrates me.

He had been the one to come into my room—even sending the others away first. He had been the one to bring up our childhood kiss. He had started it. I want to say something about it, but it would only lead to another argument and I’m so tired of fighting with him.

My mother always shrugged off her romances, picking a new favorite for each season, though Ampelio was usually close and never fully out of favor.

Not for the first time, I wonder how she did it. I only have to worry about the feelings of two boys and I already feel like I’m being pulled apart at the seams. It should be simple: one is my ally, one is my enemy. In a perfect world, that’s all either of them would ever be in order to keep things uncomplicated, but there doesn’t seem to be any hope of that now. I can still feel Blaise’s lips, warm and soft against mine, even as I look at my reflection in the mirror and wonder what S?ren will think when he sees me.

If he sees me. It must be nearly midnight now and there’s no sign that S?ren is going to come after all. Blaise and the others must have been wrong.

“Why don’t you like Dragonsbane?” I ask Blaise when the silence gets to be too much.

“I like her just fine,” he says, clearly taken aback.

“You don’t, though,” I press. “Every time she’s mentioned, you look uncomfortable. She’s always your last option. You don’t trust her, but she’s saved so many lives—”

“If they could afford to be saved,” he says before sighing. “I’m not…I get it. It’s expensive, keeping her ship running and her crew fed. I can’t begrudge her for needing reimbursement, but I’ve seen people die because they couldn’t afford her help. And the attacks on the Kaiser—”

“She’s been a thorn in his side since the siege, you can’t deny that.”

“Can’t I?” he asks. “Ampelio did often enough over the years. Those ships she attacked, the cargo ships? Who do you think crewed them? A handful of Kalovaxians and ten times as many Astrean slaves. Who do you think took lifeboats out before the ships sank? Who do you think drowned in chains?” His voice has turned hard and angrier than I’ve ever heard it.

My stomach clenches at the idea of Astreans drowning in chains, helpless and afraid.

“I never thought about that,” I admit quietly.

He gives a slow exhale. “She’s done a lot of good, I won’t deny that. But the price…Ampelio thought it was too high, and I agree with him.”

Before I can reply, a knock comes, soft and tentative.

“Theo?” Blaise whispers, suddenly still behind his wall.

“I heard it,” I say just as quietly, rolling out of bed and smoothing my dress down before walking toward my door. I’m halfway there when the knock sounds again, a little louder and not coming from the door at all. It’s coming from my wardrobe. I grab the nearest thing—a brass candlestick set on the bedside table—with my heart pounding against my ribs. The other entrance. I realize S?ren must have found it.

But how long has he been in there? And what did he hear? The thought sends me into a fresh panic, and I clutch the candlestick tighter.

The porcelain knob rattles; then the armoire door swings open and S?ren tumbles out, barely managing to land on his feet. Clumsy as it is, there’s a surprising amount of grace in the exit, especially considering that the wardrobe seems far from big enough to hold his broad frame. My dresses have been pushed to either side, and behind him, in the back of the armoire, I can just make out the opening of a tunnel.

A tunnel in my armoire is certainly helpful to know about, though I’m embarrassed that I’ve never found it myself. Not that there was ever much of an opportunity to snoop before, with my old Shadows always watching.

But how long has he been in there? If he overheard Blaise and me talking, I’ll have a difficult time explaining that away.

“S?ren?” I say, doing my best impression of being surprised. I drop my arm to my side and try to hide the panic coursing through me. “What are you doing here?”

He straightens up, and his bright blue eyes move from my face, to my dress, to the candlestick in my hand. There’s no suspicion there, I notice. If he’d heard me talking about Dragonsbane as an ally, he wouldn’t look nearly so amused. I almost sag with relief, but manage to keep my expression surprised.

“Sorry, I planned this to go a bit more smoothly.” He scratches at the back of his neck and gives me a sheepish smile. “Were you talking to someone?”

I glance at Blaise’s wall and give S?ren a shrug. “My Shadows,” I explain, gesturing to the walls. “I heard a noise and got a bit frightened.”