Ash Princess (Ash Princess Trilogy #1)(113)

“I drugged it,” he says. “Not that badly,” he adds, jerking a head toward S?ren. “But you should get some sleep, and I thought that was the only way you would.”

I nod my thanks and start to take a sip as he crouches down by S?ren, checking his bonds. Before I can overthink it, I switch our mugs. When he turns back to me, his eyes dance over my features. He sees my guilt, but only part of it.

“You did what you had to do, Theo.” It takes me a moment to realize he means S?ren. “And it’s over now.”

I snort. “No, it’s not,” I tell him, taking a long gulp of my non-drugged tea.

“But you aren’t alone anymore. You don’t have to pretend to be anything you aren’t,” he says, coming to sit back down on the edge of the cot. “That’s something.”

I nod even though I’m not sure he’s right. Queen Theodosia feels almost as much of a charade as Lady Thora was, and it’s a much trickier role to fill. No one expected anything from Thora, but people will expect miracles from their queen. I force myself to finish the tea and watch warily as he does the same.

Already his eyelids begin to grow heavy, but he fights it. “Are you all right?” he asks.

I can’t help but laugh. “Everyone keeps asking me that—you, Heron, even Art—and I keep saying I’m fine. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine. But I’m not.”

“I know,” he says, frowning. His eyes are growing unfocused now, slipping over mine. He tries to blink away the sleep. “I don’t think any of us are.”

“I don’t think we ever will be,” I admit.

Blaise is quiet for a moment. He sags back against the pillows. “When Ampelio rescued me from the mines, I told him we should run. That you seemed to be perfectly fine being kept in the castle.” He glances at me to see my reaction. “It’s what everyone said; it’s the impression the Kaiser was careful to give, unless he was having you punished. He wanted us to believe that you were happy to go along with his rule so that all of us would stay in line as well. But Ampelio never doubted you.”

I swallow, trying not to think about the last time I saw Ampelio alive, the second before I plunged that sword through his back.

“Did he ever say anything to you about…Did he see me as his queen or…”

Blaise knows what I’m asking.

“He was careful to only ever speak of you as his queen,” he tells me, but before my heart can sink too low, he continues. “After Ampelio rescued me from the mine a few years ago, we came to the capital. We were so close to infiltrating the castle and rescuing you, but it fell through, and Ampelio didn’t want to risk your safety for anything less than a sure thing. But it was…” He swallows. “Dragonsbane had just sunk a cargo ship with thousands of gems, set for the North.”

I stiffen, knowing the incident he’s referring to. Dragonsbane sank a ship and I paid the price, as I always did. I was twelve or thirteen at the time, but I still have the scars from that punishment.

“We watched,” he tells me. “Ampelio insisted. He said we had to see it, to know what we were fighting for. But I had to hold him back that day, and I almost couldn’t do it. That fury, that desperation…it wasn’t a subject wanting to protect his queen. It was a father trying to protect his daughter.”

I swallow, feeling tears burn behind my eyes. I close them tight, trying to keep the tears at bay, and squeeze Blaise’s hand.

“Thank you.”

He squeezes my hand back, but neither of us pulls away. The question that’s been weighing on my mind since I saw Cress bubbles up.

“What is Encatrio made of?” I ask. I think about the cell bars, scalding hot after Cress touched them. I think I might already know part of the answer, but I need to hear him say it.

He frowns. “Water, mostly,” he says. “It isn’t what it’s made out of that makes it deadly, it’s where the water comes from.”

“The Fire Mine,” I guess.

He nods. “There’s a stream deep in the mine, almost impossible to find. As far as I know, the Kalovaxians have never found it, though they don’t go in the mines for more than a few minutes a day to avoid the mine madness, so they’ve never explored much. Why do you ask?”

“You know Cress survived it,” I say slowly. “But it…changed her.”

“I saw,” he says.

I shake my head. “Not just like that.”

I tell him about the cell bars, how her touch had turned them hot.

“In theory, it’s possible,” he says after a moment. “The magic in the mines affects the water the same way it affects the gems, the same way it affects a person’s blood. It kills most people, but…”

“But not everyone,” I finish. “I never heard of Encatrio blessing anyone, though.”

He yawns again, trying to shake the exhaustion from himself before slouching down further in the bed.

“No, but we were children and that was hardly the sort of thing anyone would have told us. And it wouldn’t have happened often; the victim would have needed not just to be blessed by the gods, but by Houzzah in particular.”

My stomach twists. “How could Houzzah have blessed a Kalovaxian?” I ask Blaise quietly. “How could he have blessed her?”