Anything for Her(64)

I have to tell him.

But she’d promised to talk to her mother first. She’d do that. It was lucky he had canceled today. She would go to Mom’s tonight and argue for the right to open their lives to Nolan. At least now Mom had met him. She’d know how solid and trustworthy he was.

Anxiety continued to ride her all day, though. She did some errands because she had to fill her time somehow, then settled down to try to piece her new quilt. But after stitching a row of tiny triangles on her machine, snipping the thread and turning to her ironing board to press out the seams and cut them apart, she stared in shock at the blue fabric—which was supposed to be background, not rocking horse. She obviously hadn’t been thinking at all when she’d been cutting or sewing.

“Wow.” She picked up the bundle of sewn squares and dropped it in the trash. Either she had to start over, or do something else. “I vote for something else,” she told her quiet apartment.

She’d quilt instead. Her hands knew what to do. With only diagonal lines, working on Sean’s quilt would take no mental function whatsoever.

As always, she was soothed by the act of quilting. The tiny stitches, the precision, the rocking motion, the way each completed block filled some emptiness in her, too, calmed her. She continued until her back ached, her fingers started to cramp and, despite the leather thimble, she’d punctured her fingertip a few too many times.

Midafternoon she made herself have a bowl of soup, all she could stomach. Despite the mist that wasn’t quite rain, she went for a run later. By the time she showered and dried her hair, she only had another hour to kill before her mother should be home from work.

Maybe she should call in advance, but she didn’t want to. She needed to catch her mother unprepared.

When she rang the bell and her mother opened the door, Allie saw that she’d accomplished more than she had expected. Mom looked more than surprised.

“Allie? Is something wrong?”

“I wanted to talk to you. Is now okay?”

“I was putting dinner on, but...of course it is. Come in. Have you eaten?”

“I’m not hungry.”

She followed her mother to the kitchen, where she turned off a burner then faced Allie.

“What is it?”

“You know I’m not a very good liar.”

Fear. Oh, yes, her mother was afraid. “What are you telling me?” she whispered.

“I’ve said things to Nolan and Sean that I shouldn’t.” The burning in her chest had to be heartburn. “I’m so muddled now, I don’t even remember what I’ve said.”

“Did I contradict you?” Mom pressed her fingers to her lips.

“Yes.” Allie shook her head. “No. That’s not the point. Mom, I have to tell him everything.”

Her mother’s eyes dilated with shock. “You can’t! You know you can’t.”

“I love him.” Allie crossed her arms, all but hugging herself. “I can’t keep lying like this. I can’t.”

Her mother shuddered. “I don’t understand what’s happening to you. You know the risks. We’ve all known from the beginning that we have to live the lives we’ve been given. It’s foolish and dangerous to try to reclaim any part of what we left behind.

“You’ve spent your entire adult life as Allie Wright. That is who you are! There is absolutely no reason Nolan ever has to know that a long time ago you had a different name.”

“Two different names.”

“Two,” Mom agreed. Her voice was gaining strength. She’s regaining her confidence she can wear me down, Allie realized. “You’re the same person inside, sweetheart. That’s who he loves. If he does.”

Allie stared at her. “You think he doesn’t? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Of course not! How would I know? Has he told you he loves you? Has he asked you to marry him? Is that what set this off?”

“No, he hasn’t asked. But what if he does, Mom? Am I really going to marry a man who believes all kinds of untruths about me? How could I raise children to be honest if I’m a big fat liar?”

“You’re getting hysterical.” Mom stepped forward to put an arm around her.

Allie lurched back. “What is it you think Nolan will do? Put in a call to the Moretti family and ask whether it’s true that Joanna Marr used to work for them, only she testified in court against one of their enforcers, and, oh, by the way, she lives in Washington State now under the name Cheryl Wright?”