Anything for Her(43)
“Oh, he knew. I went storming straight to him, and he assured me he’d loved me as his own from the minute I was born. Neither of them had been sure whether I was his or the other guy’s until I was born, and they learned my blood type. He’d forgiven Mom, he told me, and I was his son, as far as he was concerned. I don’t know what they thought. That I’d be happy with the explanation? Or maybe a little ashamed and not want Jed and Anna to know? Either way, they pegged me wrong. I told my brother and sister and asked them how they knew for sure that they weren’t bastards, too?”
“That’s an awful word!” Allie frowned at him.
“Technically true, though.” He shook his head. “I’m...mostly past it, Allie. I’m thirty-two years old. That was a long time ago.”
“So...what happened? What did Jed and Anna say?”
“They demanded to know what their blood type was. When Mom and Dad stonewalled them, they both called our family doctor to find out. Jed’s matched Dad’s, Anna’s Mom’s.”
Seeing her expression, he shook his head. “No, all didn’t end happily. Eventually Mom admitted she didn’t know for sure who Anna’s father is. Yep, she’d had another affair. At least one more. I got the feeling maybe there were others—it was just she hadn’t had any more children. Why she let herself get pregnant and wasn’t on the pill or insisted on condoms or... Well, there’s one part of the mystery.
“Dad fumbled to explain to Anna and me that he loved our mother and she loved him, and that, yes, it hurt but living without her would hurt more.” Nolan shook his head. “None of us were of an age to understand at all. I’m still not sure I do. I think most of all it was the lies that I despised. The facade of a happy family and great marriage, which couldn’t be less true. I’ve told Sean that the one thing I won’t tolerate is lies.” He heard how harsh and ragged his voice had become.
Allie flinched away from him, and he could only imagine what she saw on his face to scare her that way.
She swallowed. “What about your brother and sister? How did they handle it all?”
“Not much better than me. Jed’s only eighteen months younger than me. I guess he was our parents’ makeup baby.” Acid seemed to scour his voice this time, and he cleared his throat. “Then there was a two-year gap before Anna came along. So she was only ten when all this erupted.” He half laughed, although without much humor. “At least she wasn’t already messed up with hormones like I was. After the first upset, she tried to pretend none of it had happened and got pretty resentful at me when I wouldn’t play along. Even as an adult, she’s never demanded DNA testing.
“Jed, well, it was complicated for him, because our parents were his parents, and he was afraid we’d resent him having something we didn’t.” This smile, although tilted, felt more natural. “You notice there was a lot of resentment going around?”
“I’m not surprised.” There was enough irony in her tone to raise his eyebrows, but this wasn’t the moment to question it. Nope, his current priority was spilling his guts out on the table for her to take a good look at.
“I suppose we all patched things up to some extent, especially Jed and Anna. They were younger, and what were they supposed to do? I know the distance I’ve kept hurts Dad.” Nolan grimaced. “Probably Mom, too. But I don’t seem to be as forgiving as I should be.”
“Did you find out who your biological father is?”
He shook his head. “Neither of them would ever say. I assume my dad knows, but every time I asked, all he’d say was ‘I’m your father.’ That’s eaten at me some, never knowing. Anna says the same. I suppose it’s like an adopted kid must feel, except we don’t even know that our fathers ever had a clue they got Mom pregnant.
“I told you she’s a publicist, I think.” He waited for her nod. “She goes on the road pretty regularly with clients making the round of talk shows, and doing book signings when he’s an author, that kind of thing. Chances are good the men she slept with were clients. They wouldn’t have been around later to see that she was pregnant and wonder.
“I got desperate enough at one point to research her clientele during the year that I was conceived, but there wasn’t any one guy who looked so much like me I could say, ‘It’s him.’” He shrugged. “Maybe that’s not even who it was. Could have been her dentist, a guy who worked in the next office building—who knows. I gave up, eventually.”