Anything for Her(27)

“According to the paperwork,” Nolan said, “her name is Cassie. Sean will have to think about whether he wants to change it or not.”

Allie’s head jerked up, everything in her revolting not only at the concept, as if the name the dog went by was meaningless, but also at the casual way Nolan had said it. The instinct to protest was huge—please, please, let her keep this small part of who she’d been—but after a raging battle inside Allie averted her face and nodded. This was no time or place for her to argue. Anyway, if she did, she’d probably bring about exactly what she didn’t want.

Poor Cassie.

She was a dog.

But she knows her name.

The bewilderment she’d feel, never to hear it again, Allie understood. To wonder who or what Tweet was, or whatever a boy would name a dog these days.

The silence was awkward as they crossed the parking lot to the pickup, unlocked and arranged themselves inside, Cassie sitting on the floor at Sean’s feet, her head resting on his knees. He clutched the leash in one hand to keep her from lying down and potentially sprawling onto Nolan’s foot, and petted her with the other. She gazed up at him with eyes so hopeful, it broke Allie’s heart. She had to look away.

She was churning inside anyway, from a dozen causes, so many they tangled together.

I shouldn’t have come.

But I did, and I’m adult enough not to hate a sullen teenage boy because he behaved badly. Aren’t I?

I am not Allie, and I resent living my life as someone I’m not.

Yes, but she’d been Allie almost as long now as she’d been...her first name, the one she couldn’t let herself so much as think, because clinging to the past led to mistakes. Mistakes that could be fatal. She knew better. It wouldn’t matter that much to Cassie the dog.

Who says? Has anyone asked her?

Nolan took his hand off the steering wheel and touched her thigh. The touch was light, reassuring—or asking for reassurance. Rigid with so many suppressed emotions, Allie couldn’t give it. When he stopped at a red light, she felt his gaze, but pretended to be fascinated by...well, nothing, as the surroundings consisted of empty land with the grass now turning brown, and some industrial structures. A muddy stretch of saltwater slough curved ahead, but wasn’t made more interesting by a blue heron or tugboat.

“She’s being really good,” Nolan said after a time.

Sean’s fingers lingered on her long, silky ear. “I think she’s scared.”

“Nervous, probably.”

Allie would have liked to pet the dog, too, who rolled her eyes Allie’s way, but she didn’t dare. She could hardly wait to be released from this purgatory. She should have gone shopping with Mom, she thought with longing. Only if she had...she’d have spent the whole day wishing she was with Nolan and Sean.

Stupid.

Nolan tried a couple more times to make conversation. Allie said as little as possible. At last, at last, he pulled into her driveway.

“You’ll have to let me out,” she said politely to Sean.

“Yeah, sure.” He opened the door and said with more animation, “Come on, girl.” He and Cassie bounded out, the dog immediately beginning to sniff the rhododendrons that edged the sidewalk. Allie followed them, dismayed to see that Nolan, of course, had gotten out, as well. He walked her to the foot of her stairs.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “This has been a lousy day for you, and it’s my fault.”

She took a deep breath. “After we had fun at the zoo, I understand why you thought this might work.”

“That was different.”

“Yes, it was.”

“I’ll call, okay?” Worry furrowed his forehead and deepened the blue of his eyes.

She made some noncommittal sound, unable to tell him why she was so upset. She’d get over it. Feeling so rejected was nonsensical, and her extreme upset at the idea of changing the dog’s name even more so.

Cassie was investigating the yard with enthusiasm, Sean seeming happy to accompany her.

“He made a good choice,” Allie said, nodding their way.

Nolan’s eyes tracked them. “I think so, too.”

If they did change Cassie’s name...I’ll call her Cassie anyway, Allie decided defiantly. I’ll whisper it to her.

That was assuming she ever saw Cassie—or Sean—again.

“We should get going,” Nolan called to Sean, who turned the dog toward the truck.