Angel's Rest(105)

“That’s not fair.”

“Too bad. None of this is fair.” She rose from the rocking chair, put her hands on her hips, and glared at him. “I’ve finally figured out that grief is your lifeblood. You thrive on it.”

That pissed him off. “You think I want to grieve?” He stood, his hands balled at his sides. “You think I enjoy having my heart ripped open and bleeding?”

She shook a finger at him. “See, there you go. Your grief is as much a part of you as your DNA. It’s all about you. It’s been all about you from day one. Well, guess what, Callahan. It’s not anymore. Now it’s about these babies. They are the future. You know, I never asked you to forget your past. Never. But you damn sure need to keep the past in the past and remember that you didn’t die with them, Gabe.” She laid a hand over her womb and added, “These babies are proof of that. But no, you cling to your grief like a lifeline. So much for moving on.”

“It’s the babies. Don’t you see? I can move on from Jen, but not from Matt. Never from Matt. Haven’t you noticed that I seldom talk about him? I can’t. His smiles haven’t faded in my mind. His giggles still ring in my ears. Sometimes I swear I still feel him wrapping my finger in his tiny fist. That’s why these babies frighten me so much. If you’d lost them this morning … they are people now. They have fingers and toes and little button noses. I couldn’t see that. I couldn’t be part of it.”

“And I could? I could do it alone?” She stood straight and tall and proud. Furious. “You left me there in a cold and lonely hospital to wait out tests to see if our children would survive. Do you have any idea how long that wait was? I’ll tell you. It was the longest half hour of my life. And I did it alone. No husband. No friend. No one. Do you know how awful that was?”

He closed his eyes. He didn’t have a response for that.

“Look, Gabe, it’s true you’ve walked a path no one should be forced to travel. But, frankly, your grief and your fear are your problem. I’m done letting them be mine. I refuse to let them be these babies’ problem. Once upon a time, I thought that the best thing I could do for my children was to give them you as a father. I don’t think that anymore. What you did today devastated me. I won’t give you the opportunity to hurt our babies.”

“What are you saying?” he asked, raking his hand through his hair. “Look, Nic, I screwed up. Big-time. I realize that. Dropping you off at the hospital is one of the worst mistakes I’ve ever made and I’m ashamed for having done it. But I’ve learned from it. Nic, I’ll go to grief counseling. It won’t happen again.”

“Fine. Good. I hope you do go to counseling because I’ve never known a man who needs it more. However, it’s not my concern. Not anymore. I’m leaving, Gabe.”

“You’re what?” He’d heard her wrong, hadn’t he?

“I’m moving to Denver.”

He’d heard her right. Oh, hell. He took a step back, reeling from the blow. He’d hurt her worse than he’d realized. She was leaving him. Giving up on him.

It was his fault. He’d done this himself. To himself. To them.

“After today, I want to be near a newborn intensive care unit until the babies are born.”

He blinked. “Is there a problem with the pregnancy? Did the doctor tell you to do this?” He held his breath, waiting for her answer.

“No, it’s my decision.”

“Okay. Good. I think that’s good.” He straightened his spine and declared, “I’ll come with you.”

She looked away from him and blinked back tears. Angry tears, he knew. She wasn’t sad. She was furious. Coldly, bitterly furious.

He was losing her. Losing his family. Again. Only this time, for the first time, it was all his fault.

He knew what she was going to say before she opened her mouth.

“No, you won’t,” she replied, her voice calm and matter-of-fact. “I’m not just leaving Eternity Springs, John Gabriel Callahan. I’m leaving you.”





NINETEEN





Nic didn’t think twice about using the credit cards and accessing the bank account Gabe had set up for her to fund her summer in Denver. She didn’t spend foolishly, and besides, he was living rent-free in her house, wasn’t he? Ali had helped her find a pretty duplex to rent ten minutes away from both her perinatologist’s office and the hospital she’d use if she had trouble, and then she nested.