An Unlocked Mind (Secrets #2)(84)

Mere minutes later, Rob started fidgeting. He could still hear Vic behind him, and not knowing what was going on bothered him more than it should.

“Vic?”

“No talking. Keep your nose to the corner.”

Rob sucked in a breath. His agitation grew. Vic was doing something behind him. What’s he working on? Does it have to do with me? Vic said he wasn’t going to put him out without having another place for Rob to live. Maybe I’ve finally fucked up enough that Vic realizes this isn’t going to work out. Rob’s heart thundered in his chest. He had just started to live again and now he was going to lose it all. It wasn’t fair. He’d tried so bloody hard.

It was all going to hell.

“Peacock!” Rob cried out. He was gasping for breath, unable to pull enough into his lungs, and his body was rebelling.

In a heartbeat Vic was there, clutching him to his chest, stroking his back. “It’s okay, Rob. Breathe. Slow and steady. I’ve got you. Everything is going to be all right.”

Rob balled his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palms. He’d failed not only Vic, but himself. He’d been asked to do one fucking thing, and he’d messed that up royally. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Vic guided him to the sofa and sat next to him. “Care to tell me what that was about?”

“I don’t like it in the corner. I’d rather you spank me.” Little by little he found it easier to breathe.

“Yes, I got that. But look at it from my point of view. If I give you what you want, then it’s not a punishment for you.”

Rob wasn’t above pleading, not if it got him out of that bloody corner. “Please, don’t make me kneel there. I hate it.”

Vic regarded him with amusement. “You’re not supposed to enjoy it. If you did, it wouldn’t be punishment, now would it?”

“What were you doing while I was there?”

Vic looked perplexed for a moment. “Nothing much. Straightening up my desk. Checking my mail. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Oh.” Now Rob felt… embarrassed. What must he think of me?

Vic continued rubbing Rob’s back, his hand moving in circles, slow and steady. “Why did you use your safeword?”

“I thought you… I didn’t want to….” No matter how Rob tried to phrase it, he still ended up looking like an idiot.

“I told you I wouldn’t put you out.” Vic cocked his head to one side. “Is that what you were worried about?”

Rob wouldn’t lie to Vic, not anymore. He nodded, his eyes focused on the rug.

“Will you tell me why?”

He pushed out a shaky breath and then raised his gaze to meet Vic’s. “This is the first time in my life that I have something I truly want to hold on to. I know I’m going to mess up a lot, but I hope you won’t stop wanting me to be here.”

Vic leaned over and kissed Rob’s head. “Get it out of your mind. Unless you’ve decided something has changed, you’re welcome here.”

Rob knew that. Deep down, he knew it. Vic had said it, and Vic wouldn’t lie to him. He wanted to snap, to rail against Vic’s choice of punishment, but he knew it would do him no good. Instead he went with honesty. “I hate being in the corner. Being away from you is like… like torture. I can’t see you, touch you, and… and you can’t touch me.”

Vic gave a slight smile. “This is why it’s the best punishment for you. I could spank you, or put you in chastity, or do something else, and you’d come back even more determined to prove you can take whatever I dish out. But in the corner, you’re alone with your thoughts and it’s terrible for you. No outside stimulus, no distractions. Just you, focused on your life and the choices you’ve made.”

And that was exactly why Rob hated it. Standing in the corner, his mind was flooded with thoughts about all the shit he’d done, and he didn’t want to think about that person anymore. He wanted to be….

“Hell.”

Vic cupped Rob’s chin and looked him in the eye. “Problem?”

“I don’t want to go into the corner. Please?”

“Tell me why.”

Rob fidgeted. Fuck, this is hard. He took a deep breath. “Because I don’t like the person I was. I think I like me better now, but I still remember me then.”

Vic smiled. “Never forget who you were, boy. It’s the only way you can keep from going back to being that person.”

Rob never wanted to be the old him again.

“Okay. Thank you.” He bent over and picked up his cushion. Arguing and pleading were pointless, a waste of breath and energy. Better to go to the corner and say nothing.

“Rob?”

“Yes?”

Vic went back to his desk and took a seat. He pointed to the floor beside him. “Here will be fine.”

Robs heart leaped. He rushed back to where Vic sat, dropped the cushion, and knelt beside Vic’s chair. He bowed his head, closed his eyes, and did his best to remain quiet. When Vic slid his fingers through Rob’s hair and pulled him closer, allowing Rob to rest his head on Vic’s knee, Rob sighed in contentment.

I’m such a stupid person.

How many times did Vic have to say that this was Rob’s home before it finally got through to him? How often would that panic tear Rob’s heart out, leaving him to doubt himself again and again?