American Panda(73)

Ying-Na was a hip-hop queen, each hip jut, body roll, and knee pop as natural as having a microphone in her hand. From the second she entered the studio to the last beat, she gave it everything, as if her movements could keep the ancestors away.

The first class, Tina (no longer Dr. Chang to me) had stood still in the corner. Just watched the others with wide mooncake eyes and slumped shoulders. But she returned week after week, and the fifth class, she took her first step. First stomp. First punch.

I looked at her now. Squared shoulders, wide smile, and bright eyes not focused on the others. Not focused on anything. She was feeling the music, throwing herself into each head turn. When we moved on to hip isolations, her pops were stiff and small, but she no longer flushed while doing them.

And when she walked, she no longer disappeared. Just like me.

I breathed dance every second of my life but spoke it to others twice a week. It seemed unfair to get paid to do something I loved so much. And in addition to getting a paycheck every month, I also got to take free classes.

After the students were gone, I took a moment to stare at the empty studio. My second home. Dance was where I had learned to be myself, but I no longer hid there. I danced everywhere I went, a little pas de bourrée slipping in here, a tombé there.

Always myself—noodle slurper, face toucher, and all.





AUTHOR’S NOTE


Dearest Reader,

I wrote American Panda because it was the book I needed in high school and the book I needed when I decided to put my dental career aside to try writing, which I had no experience in. (I’ll let you use your imagination to picture how my parents reacted to that.)

This novel is steeped in truth either from my own life or from friends. Some parts are from people I’ve met in passing who trusted me with their stories. It is based on experiences, but it has been fictionalized, and no characters or situations are exactly as they unfolded in reality.

I worked hard to keep Mei’s experience authentic, but it is just one Taiwanese-American experience. I hope there will be more and more Chinese-American books to help represent the wide range of experiences out there.

I can’t thank you enough for picking up this book, and I hope knowing Mei’s story (and mine) will give you something I didn’t have: the gift of knowing others share your experience, that it’s okay not to feel wholly one thing or another, and it can get better.

You are not alone. You shouldn’t have to hide to be accepted. You deserve to be appreciated and loved no matter who you are.

Find your inner měi and own it!





ACKNOWLEDGMENTS


Thank you, first off, to you, dear reader, for picking up this book and sharing in Mei’s story. I hope I was able to show some of you that you’re not alone.

Kathleen Rushall, literary agent extraordinaire: Thank you for your wisdom, hard work, and endless optimism. Thank you for your spot-on revision notes, for taking risks with me, and for prioritizing my desire to keep this book authentic to my experiences. I feel like I can do anything with you on my side!

Jen Ung, my exceptional, zuì yōuxiù editor: You are such a perfect fit for me and this book, I sometimes think I wished you into existence. Thank you for bringing out the best in these characters, for championing this and other diverse books with so much heart, for being a dream to work with.

Thank you to the Simon Pulse team for your enthusiastic response from day one. I knew immediately that my book had found not just a publishing house but its home. Mara Anastas, thank you for your passion, your brilliance, and for everything you’ve done for this book. I am so grateful to the sales, marketing, and publicity teams. Special thanks to Liesa Abrams, Jodie Hockensmith, Nicole Russo, Vanessa DeJesus, Catherine Hayden, Lauren Hoffman, Amy Hendricks, Chelsea Morgan, Penina Lopez, Stacey Sakal, Kayley Hoffman, Christina Pecorale, Emily Hutton, Michelle Leo, Anthony Parisi, Amy Beaudoin, Janine Perez, and Anna Jarzab.

Sarah Creech, brilliant designer: Thank you for creating a cover and jacket that make me smile and feel fuzzies every time I look at them. They capture Mei and the book better than I could have dreamed! Thank you to Steph Baxter and Jill Wachter for your contributions to the gorgeous cover! And thank you, Tom Daly, for the gorgeous interior design!

Kim Yau, fantabulous TV/film agent: Thank you for believing in this story and for your passion. I’m so excited to work with you!

Thank you to the wonderful friends who made this book possible and who have left their footprints in these pages: Susan Blumberg-Kason, for your advice, endless support, and all your help with this manuscript. I’m so glad I picked up your book and reached out on Twitter. At the time, I had no idea I’d be making a lifelong friend. Lauren Lykke, for being my first writer friend and critique partner, and for squealing with me, dancing with me, and being one of my favorites. Rachel Lynn Solomon, for being my Simon Pulse sister, for our brainstorming sessions, your spot-on feedback, your constant support, and all the laughs! Meredith Ireland, for riding this out with me and for your editorial eye. Eva Chen, Melissa Ong, and Michele Margolis, you’re the best beta readers and friends I could ask for! Lizzie Cooke, Samira Ahmed, Jilly Gagnon, Maddy Colis—you’ve made Chicago feel even more like home. A special hug to Claribel Ortega for your generosity and support, always. Arielle Eckstut and David Henry Sterry, for being the first two in the industry to believe in me (and Mei) and for your priceless wisdom along the way. A shout-out to Zoraida Córdova, who so kindly helped me with my cover reveal—thank you! Janice Zawodny, for showing me the beauty of dance and making me fall in love with it in a way I never thought possible. Thank you to the friends who supported me when I decided to change careers—you know who you are!