Allied (Ruined #3)(50)
The Ruined were mad at her. And scared. Ivanna was dead, and Em had underestimated what a good job she was doing keeping the Ruined calm. Gisela might have taken Em’s head off yesterday, if Em were human.
“I need to go check on the Ruined. Did they eat? We need to find them some clothes, too. And I should probably scout the area around Royal City with a few Ruined tonight, to see if we spot Olivia. Maybe some guards should come with us? Do you think—” She stopped talking suddenly as Cas stretched out beside her and pulled her into his arms. She closed her eyes and buried her face in his chest, losing her train of thought. He smelled like the Cas she’d known when she was here as Mary. The air of the castle clung to him, with scents of fresh flowers and pastries and the ocean.
“A maid brought you some clothes, they’re in the wardrobe,” he said, his lips brushing the top of her head. “So feel free to dress and see the Ruined whenever you like. I’ll see what we can do about getting the Ruined clothes and other essentials. And you can go out looking for Olivia if you want, but I like you better right here.”
A smile crossed her lips. She didn’t think she’d smiled in days, but the smile came easier than she would have thought. His words last night—We’re together now. Everything will be fine—had seemed so naive at the time, but now, as she wrapped an arm around his waist and held him tight, they didn’t seem so far-fetched.
Guilt crept into her chest. She couldn’t stop thinking about Olivia’s words—You’re choosing that boy over me, over your people. She knew her sister was just trying to get under her skin, but the words still stung.
Because she had chosen Cas over her sister. And she would do it again. Like Ivanna said, it was bigger than that, bigger than just the two of them, but Em couldn’t deny that she was happy to see him again. She could push thoughts of her sister away when she was in his arms. She didn’t know what kind of person that made her.
She slowly untangled herself from him. “Can you give me a few minutes?”
“Of course.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead, then climbed out of bed.
He left her to get dressed, and Em found the clothes—her Princess Mary clothes—in the wardrobe. She pulled on pants and a soft blue tunic and tied her hair into a braid.
She found Cas waiting for her in his library, perched on the edge of a chair. They had so much to talk about that she didn’t know where to begin—the Ruined downstairs, Olivia, their marriage, stripping the monarchy of power. But she didn’t want to talk about any of it. So she kissed him instead.
He took in a sharp breath and stood, his fingers finding their way into her hair. She grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and kissed him like she might not get another chance. Maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe Olivia would burst through the doors in a minute and kill every last one of them. It happened to Em before. She’d hugged her mother good night and the Lera king broke down the door to the castle not two hours later.
She even considered pushing him back into the bedroom and taking off the clothes they’d just put on. They could lock the door and ignore all the responsibilities waiting on the other side of it for a day.
She pulled back, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek before stepping away from him. She wouldn’t do that to the Ruined. And she wasn’t even sure she wanted to have sex with Cas for the first time now, with this heaviness pressing down on her chest. She suspected she’d just be doing it to feel something besides sadness, and they both deserved better.
“I’m going downstairs to check on the Ruined,” she said. “Am I allowed to wander the castle freely? Are the Ruined?”
“You can go wherever you like. We have Weakling stored in the shed by the stables, so you’ll probably want to tell them to steer clear of that.”
“How much did they find?”
“You’re welcome to go look. The shed is stuffed full of boxes. Floor to ceiling.”
She raised her eyebrows, impressed. “I’ll let them know. We’ll need to get started lining shields and armor with it right away. The other Ruined can’t do it, obviously. I’d like a few soldiers and guards to help me, since they’ll be the ones using it. Can you spare people?”
“Sure. I’ll talk to Jorge and see who’s free.”
“Do you have guards stationed at the shed now?”
“Yes. Two.”
“We may want to take over guarding it.”
He studied her for a moment. “We’ve weeded out everyone who was loyal to Jovita. You can trust my guards.”
She almost laughed. Trust his guards. How ludicrous. “I’m sorry, Cas, but no. I trust you. I trust several of your advisers, in a way. But I don’t trust a large group of humans I don’t know.”
“They’ve sworn to protect me, and I made sure they know that means they protect you, too.”
“It is way too early to expect that sort of loyalty from them,” she said, exasperated. She liked Cas’s optimism most of the time, but he couldn’t expect blind trust from her, and especially not from the other Ruined. “I’m not saying I think they’re going to attack us. But you can’t be sure they’re all completely on your side. You could very well have a spy from Jovita on your guard right now.”
He cracked a knuckle. “I don’t care if the Ruined want to guard it. I would think you’d all want to rest for a while, not spend your time standing in front of a shed, but if that makes you happy, be my guest.”